Well… am standing just a few steps away from my ambition… a dream which I don’t know how long I have been seeing… its just there at the end of the road n I just have to pull out my hands a little n I’ll have it… but then there r hurdles too… My heart can see the destination but then these stupid eyes of mine r showing me the hurdles…!!
I have been a very disciplined person in my life n I always know what I want… I don’t remb having wandered ever… neither do I believe in wishing for unrealistic things… I had made my goal at a very early age n I went for it without losing hope or courage. Sure there were hurdles, huge once, but then I had support at each point of time… my family, my teachers, my friends…all had their own sweet roles to play…
Today after a successful academic life of 16 years… I find myself wandering… yes u read that right! This year 2009-2010 is gonna decide my ‘destiny’ n am amazed to find myself going so casual at the last phase. This December I have to crack a competitive exam ‘CSIR-NET’ which will make me eligible to peruse my PhD. This one exam is the last hurdle I have to cross n then this world will dance to my tunes!
Am known for my pre-plans n organized work… even though am eligible to give the above mentioned exam only this year, I had started my preparations since last year vacations… but I feel I was lot more serious about it last year than this year… which r not giving me good vibs! I have from the middle of nowhere, realized it suddenly that I have taken my life far too seriously than needed n as my mom says “I realize right things at wrong times!”. I wish I had realized this thing an year later… its something like Sachin Tendulkar breaking his legs by learning ice-skating a day before world cup finals…!! Err… well can't think of a better example.
With three working members out of the four in my family, all willing to spend their fortunes on me, I don’t really face any monetary problem to go for my goal like many other classmates of mine face. I know I have the potential… n hard work is like an ocean, there is no end to it n by nature am never fussy about studies. I have got a brilliant guide for myself, Vishal Sir, who is putting his best to take out the best outta me… so the thing is, if I still don’t qualify that exam, I have nothing but myself to blame on! I wish I had sumthing else to blame on… no I don’t really like the blaming games but then maybe I could have had sumone to share my guilt with.
But now the ball is absolutely in my court n I have to take it to the other side all by myself. I have to take care of my life n give it the direction I want… there is no time to wander about… this one exam against my 16 yr struggle…. I can’t let all that go down the drain… I have to crack it at any cost… I can't probably answer myself if I don’t do this… yday night I was awake till 3... standing at the door... looking up at the ever beautiful moon... n thinking what is going wrong… y am I not getting serious… have I gotten bored of studies? Have I lost interest? Am I getting interested in ‘other things’? I thought I should put an end to internet n mobile now, but then I told myself “Its U who should realize that u should become serious n not others, so u don’t need to advertise that!” I actually looked around to c if its sumone else talking, at-times I talk so sensibly n maturely that I find it difficult to believe its me… hee heee….
Anyways, now that I have written this, prescription wil be to read it 10 times a day n get back to track… I need lotsa prayers n well wishers to help me reach the other end n cross the hurdles… wish me good luck! I have to do this!!!
.jpe)
8 comments:
read ur about me and it felt like i was telling people who i am!
i wish you all the very best in achieving what you want to achieve. Good luck girl.
All the very best dear !!!! I'm sure you'll achieve this and all the goals you set for yourself ...
Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe you're feeling this way coz you've been studying too long. I'd say taking small breaks or a break once in a while will refresh you, say a walk in the park or a comedy or even blogging. Whatever relaxes you . Sometimes, when you concentrate too hard you find yourself missing out on portions as you feel you've already read it all ....
take care dear. Our best wishes always with u
Best of luck for your exams..
A new life awaits you :).
Came here throgu orkut communities.
@ Zainab - thanks so much.. wil sure visit ur page soon.. i have a fancy for my kinda ppl ;)
@ Adisha - thats was soo sweet of u.. all points noted.. wil sure try them all.. yeah even i felt am being too hard on myself but then some lessons r better learnt the hard way :)
@ Brownphantom - thanks for ur visit.. n wishes :)
very heartfelt, very nice post!
But you know one thing I feel, its very good to work hard, but its not good to rely on one exam so much. I mean, when you give an exam so much importance, it builds pressure. the pressure gets on your nerves and forces u to do a little less than your best. Dont think I am discouraging you! But a free, pressure free mind which holds strong ground in a backup option makes success look effortless...
I hope the best for you! Remember, everybody around you wants u to be happy...and noone's gonna love u any less, no matter what.
AND...a treat when u do crack it!
@ Neha - very heartfelt, very nice comment!! i know u wil never discourage me n i understand al that u meant but the fact is am a kinda person who gives her best in times of pressure.. its not until i get on my nerves, that i feel serious. am used to seriousness n suddenly taking things casually is making me more nervous. u have seen me how i work.. how i study.. u know hw much tensed i look n talk n behave b4 exam... but this time am missing al that n am worried coz of that only.
n sure!! a grand treat if i do this... n if i get a JRF, then a movie wil b bonus :D
good luck for your exams
its a new way a new start...
tam..da..da..dum...da..da
as always..loved your writeup.
nice work
Keep working your way to the top of the exam. I guess it is important that you set goals and achieve them (all d best!) but you should never forget to enjoy the road to success that you are on right now.
As one of my friends rightly pointed out during over debate on 'Satisfaction v/s Success' that, almost all of us would have been a part of sometime or other, he said:
"Nothing in this world is indispensable, depends totally on perceptions".
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