“PERFECT”

Virgo = Perfection.

Sounds so good… extraordinary… nice… just.. just.. Perfect! But what is this perfection all about… read on and you will realize.

I never realized but for today, that am turning into a psycho with an obsession to be perfect in every field. Am not too sure if it is happening coz I have read it in a lot of books that ‘Virgo symbolizes perfection’ or its coz ‘Virgo symbolizes perfection’.

My mom used to mention that I had high fever 2 days before my ‘nursery exams’ and I still get fever before my exams. Imagine a 4 yr old kid, what can she know about exams…?

I don’t know y but I have been one of those ‘serious nerd’ kind of person since day 1. I have never learn to take things lightly or as to say, sportively. I cry for no good reason, I cant stand criticism, I hate to hear people talking ill things about me, I hate to be in lime-light coz if a person is in lime-light all the qualities are highlighted… positive is good but when it comes to negative, well I cant stand!

When it comes to my hobbies, I don’t really treat them as ‘hobbies’. When I used to go to dance classes, a hobby class, I used to behave as if its my profession and used to give it al the time and energy and concentration that it deserves. That 2 hr class twice a week used to be like a dance performance on the stage for me. Not that I used to dance so well, the thing is I used to take so much of tension that I used to feel exhausted at the end of the class… everything should be perfect… I should not even take a drinks break… I should dance… dance… and dance… !!! I realize now that I had gone there to enjoy myself and that was something I never did! I mean I never relaxed!!

Music classes were no better… even with a really bad bad throat, I never missed classes… though all my teachers were very happy with me always for taking things so damn seriously, but then it was a hobby class after all and I was not doing any professional course so as to say! During summer vacations, I used to do lots of paintings, but then again that used to be an extreme for me… I used to draw the whole day non-stop. I never learnt to relax!

Till school days it was fine, but now with higher studies and so much pressure, I fell I should seriously learn to relax! Yesterday I decided to go on a walk to relax. I left home at 8. Believe me, I came back home at 1!!!! I don’t know why I over-do things? I don’t know why am I like this. After a long chat with an old friend today, I realized there is something wrong with me. Am not normal anymore, or was I never normal? I mean why is it so important for me to be good to others even when am hurting myself for that?

I think am a bloody selfish person who just wants to be appreciated by one and all and that’s why I try to do anything and everything to make others happy… even if its out of the best of my abilities. But its always not like that, I do help people behind the screen too. Is helping other’s that bad a practice? But why should I take other’s problem in my hand when my hands are full with mine! Why cant I just mind my own work?

They say to err is human, then even a perfect human can make mistakes. Cant he? So what’s the BIG DEAL if I take wrong decisions? Why do I keep on asking myself so many questions before taking a step forward? When will I learn to relax and to do what my heart truly says? Enough of it now… enough of thinking… now it’s the time to act. My behavior and nature is making me sick and pathetic! Am glad that at-last I realize today after writing so much that there is a problem which need to be sorted out.

Now I can work on myself with a better understanding of self. And am sure u guys will help me come out of my problems.