WaKe Up TiMe!

Well… am standing just a few steps away from my ambition… a dream which I don’t know how long I have been seeing… its just there at the end of the road n I just have to pull out my hands a little n I’ll have it… but then there r hurdles too… My heart can see the destination but then these stupid eyes of mine r showing me the hurdles…!!

I have been a very disciplined person in my life n I always know what I want… I don’t remb having wandered ever… neither do I believe in wishing for unrealistic things… I had made my goal at a very early age n I went for it without losing hope or courage. Sure there were hurdles, huge once, but then I had support at each point of time… my family, my teachers, my friends…all had their own sweet roles to play…

Today after a successful academic life of 16 years… I find myself wandering… yes u read that right! This year 2009-2010 is gonna decide my ‘destiny’ n am amazed to find myself going so casual at the last phase. This December I have to crack a competitive exam ‘CSIR-NET’ which will make me eligible to peruse my PhD. This one exam is the last hurdle I have to cross n then this world will dance to my tunes!

Am known for my pre-plans n organized work… even though am eligible to give the above mentioned exam only this year, I had started my preparations since last year vacations… but I feel I was lot more serious about it last year than this year… which r not giving me good vibs! I have from the middle of nowhere, realized it suddenly that I have taken my life far too seriously than needed n as my mom says “I realize right things at wrong times!”. I wish I had realized this thing an year later… its something like Sachin Tendulkar breaking his legs by learning ice-skating a day before world cup finals…!! Err… well can't think of a better example.

With three working members out of the four in my family, all willing to spend their fortunes on me, I don’t really face any monetary problem to go for my goal like many other classmates of mine face. I know I have the potential… n hard work is like an ocean, there is no end to it n by nature am never fussy about studies. I have got a brilliant guide for myself, Vishal Sir, who is putting his best to take out the best outta me… so the thing is, if I still don’t qualify that exam, I have nothing but myself to blame on! I wish I had sumthing else to blame on… no I don’t really like the blaming games but then maybe I could have had sumone to share my guilt with.

But now the ball is absolutely in my court n I have to take it to the other side all by myself. I have to take care of my life n give it the direction I want… there is no time to wander about… this one exam against my 16 yr struggle…. I can’t let all that go down the drain… I have to crack it at any cost… I can't probably answer myself if I don’t do this… yday night I was awake till 3... standing at the door... looking up at the ever beautiful moon... n thinking what is going wrong… y am I not getting serious… have I gotten bored of studies? Have I lost interest? Am I getting interested in ‘other things’? I thought I should put an end to internet n mobile now, but then I told myself “Its U who should realize that u should become serious n not others, so u don’t need to advertise that!” I actually looked around to c if its sumone else talking, at-times I talk so sensibly n maturely that I find it difficult to believe its me… hee heee….

Anyways, now that I have written this, prescription wil be to read it 10 times a day n get back to track… I need lotsa prayers n well wishers to help me reach the other end n cross the hurdles… wish me good luck! I have to do this!!!

20 year old girl

Amidst d shortest vacation in the history of all my vacations, am seriously getting bored. I had lots of plans.. dad fulfilled top most priority in my wish list n got me an unlimited internet connection but who can get glued to the stupid PC whole day long with nothing constructive to do. Yeah I agree I did get glued during the initial days, downloaded all the songs I wanted to n all those which I never even heard off before... Read 100s n 1000s of blogs... went thru my orkut scrap book n re-read all the 10,300 scraps there... had long long chats with my friends... checked out many videos in u-tube... blah! blah! blah! All utter waste of time... got so bored of all that... now my gtalk status reads 'Bored 2 d core...' almost permanently.

Was thinking of starting off with paintings again but then feeling too lazy... all the colours must have dried up by now, need to soak them in little water, gotta search for the brush, donno where I kept the mixing plate d last time I painted... so that's dropped for the time being. Was thinking of watching some movies or go shopping with friends but its so damn hot outside that it pains to think that I have to step out for that. Books? well.... Had enuf off books for exams, not again... hardly any collection, didnt buy any for long n seriously not interested in moving out to buy one. Tried cleaning up the kitchen for mom as a surprise but that hardly took 4 hrs, gosh! she keeps it so clean that I was surprised. Dad's cupboard? noo... he'll kill me if I misplace any of his papers... Bro? well.... he never did mine so y should I do his...?? Even cooking has lost charm, doesn't seem to be a big deal now... was so much fun when I was learning that.. but now.. aaahh no big deal. No new experiments on the recipes.

Dad gave the car keys n asked me to go where ever I want to... do whatever I want to... gosh! Y do ppl get so sweet when u least expect them to. It would have been so much better if he had asked me to do 'this' n do 'that'.. at-least I would have had something to do. Tried my hands on clay-modeling this time. Was making n remaking small small toys outta the lump of clay I got, but that was so monotonous so left. Am not the kind of a person who can sit idle even got 5 min. There HAS to be something for me to do. As a matter of fact, am kinda addicted to studies n when-ever I get done with my exams, I get to this bugging, deadly boredom.

This Sunday I got so bored that I went shouting to mom asking what to do to kill this boredom. She said, y don't u do something like a '20 yr old girl'... err.. excuse me! what was that? Some thing for me to spend the Sunday on... wow! something to think... mayb to blog too... so there my brain finally got some occupation... lovely. So it started... my observations n thoughts all mixed up n shuffled n tangled.. time for some untangling. So what do a 20 yr old girl do in vacations?

Roam abt in malls? ah! who will step out in sun?
Shopping? I gave that to mom already, n she said she will do it for me.
Flirt with guys? noo not me... needs a hell lot of patience.
Chit-chat over phone? Last thing I'll ever do...
Cleanup house? Cook? Read books? Done! done! done!

I felt this thought process is leading me no where so went on chat, asking suggestions from random 'so claimed' 20 yr old I caught in chat rooms (didn't ask frds coz I felt too lame to ask that). There I got to know something, I never had thought about, the 'grooming' sessions! Well... am not the type who stand in front of the mirror asking how am I looking in this pink dress or howz my new hair style or things like that. I never bothered for such things, wears whatever comes to my hand n head. Am not really fussy about the way I look but yeah I always wanna look decent n matured. But then am not too keen always.. anything will do for me, anything! I have been to beauty parlors before to have hair-cuts most of the time but always with my mom. I remb when I was going to join colg n went for a hair-cut to the parlor with mom, d aunty there said "ab toh akele bhi aa sakte ho"(now u can come alone too...) But I never really went alone. U c when one lacks knowledge of a subject, then that confidence is never there. I can attend grand seminars on Physics with ease but this 'beauty' stuff I really lack the knowledge n it shows off each time I need to go to the parlor. I remb once in 1st yr I tried 'bleach' on my face n the next day when I went to college, my friends said "Have u coloured ur hair?" I said "No! I tried bleaching my face but when I was washing, it went to my hair n that got coloured" Shibu slapped me for 'attempting' something so stupid. There wasn't another day... but since mom asked me to do something like a '20 yr old girl' n d general survey I took showed me that at-least 85% r very regular to beauty parlors, I decided to do the same.

Now it was decided that I'll b going to the parlor. Next question was what to do there? I have seen a friend trying 'hot wax' n I had pledged that day that am never gonna do that even if asks for my life. No never. I saw her in tears outta pain so I was thinking of something less-painful. Hair? well they r in a good shape now, y bother them so much. So what is left? yeah my face... what do they call that thing they do the face? I donno... mayb the parlor lady will tell me. So it was decided that am going to the parlor next day to get 'something' done to my face. That evening when dad came home, I said "dad can u giv me some money? I wanna go the beauty parlor." Dad said "How much?" n I said "err... well.. I don't know maybe 100 or something. I don't know" He gave me 500 n said keep it!

So next mornign I was up early to go to the 'beauty parlor' ... Alone! Left around 11 n had no idea of how long it will take. I didn't take the car, thought of having a walk, not that far after all. Climbed the stairs n kept telling myself to act smartly n not to show off that I know nothing. Up there greeted the aunty confidently n when she said "kya karna hai beta"(here for what?) I said... that face... err.. what do u call that... face... something.. she gladly cut me short n said "facial" n I nodded softly thinking in my head "Good job girl! wasn't that tough". But no... I was wrong, there was something else coming up from her...

she asked "which one?"
me "how many do u offer?"
she "well we have wide ranges, u can go in for papaya, banana...."
me thinking 'am i ordering a milk shake? wat has these things gotta do with facial?'
showing my usual over smartness I said "apple???"
she "apple? we don't have apple!"
me to myself "shut up shruti! don't show ur ignorance. chose one from she offered. anyways, she wont make u eat it!"
so like a good girl i said "anything aunty... everything suits me"

Uff!! wat relief.. I didn't bother to ask which flavor she chose. So I was to get changed on to a stupid costume of theirs n get seated. I did. There came this young girl with apron n stuff with a smile on her face, I wanted to ask "r u 20? wat u do in ur vacations?" but then I stopped myself. She didn't give me much time... made me half-lie down in the chair, tied up my hair with a band sort of a thing n started working on my face... I didn't bother to ask anything. She put some face pack kinda thing which was too chill that I started sneezing... it was itching n cold n irritating... I kept stopping her n rubbing my face till she warned me that she will tie my hands if I don't stop... okk watever... she should not come to know its my first time... I should act smartly.... even mom is not there with me to save me... she used many things.. some oil, some creams.... some packs... it was testing my patience.

I couldn't even have my head-phones on n listen to music... they had a radio thr but were tuned on to AIR fm n there was this discussion on 'rural development' going on... n I was certainly not interested in that. I tried overhearing some conversations but till my ears range reached I could catch up 2 women discussing their naughty little kids. Kids? Last thing on earth I wanna hear about... So realizing the fact that I had no other option than sitting quietly, I was framing this blog on my mind. But then, time flew n before I realized, she declared that its all over. I woke up from my dreams n said "over?" wanted to ask her the flavor she used, but then gave up on that. I smiled n thanked her n asked "How much?" She smiled back n said "300 only". what??? 300 for this rubbish thing u did to my face? 300 for spending a day of my vacations on something that a 20 yr old girl wil do. A quick calculation ran on my head 300*2=600/365 ... I could have bought toffees daily for one n a half years with that money!!!!

But then I dint wanted to show her all that... gave her the crisp Rs.500 dad gave n came back home. But watever... it felt good... I felt very relaxed n that afternoon had a real good nap. N ofcourse back home that evening, announced to all those I could get an hand on that I spent Rs.300 on beauty parlor... n it did surprise all those who got that news coz that's not really something people expect from me... but then am a 20 yr old girl!

Moy FAV Animal??!!

I read it in a t-shirt liner once "If a black cat is crossing ur way, then it means that that animal is going somewhere". It was pretty impressive to read on to n I shared it with many of my friends n the reaction I got was "Oh! finally u understood girl!"

Well... that was not what I shared it for. I shared it like all the other normal one-liners I share, but then I never meant to say that I was wrong or foolish. Am still the same, I still don't quite mind in taking another route if a black cat happens to cross my way. Am not too sure of what could have happened if I had not bothered to change my way, all that am sure off is that I reached back home safe whenever I changed the route.

When I leave for my exams or stuff n someone sneezes, I don't sit to think how can a poor innocent sneeze spoil my exam for which I burnt the candles nights together. All I do is, rush back home, take out a water bottle from the fridge, have a sip n run back to the bus-stop. Anyways, I always keep an hr in spare with me so a 5 min act wont spoil much but I surely don't want to come back home with tears n then wishing I could turn back the clock n can have that one sip of water.

Someone told me that if u clap seeing a red car, u will get toffees... yeah I know its rubbish but then what if it really works... I mean if I can get toffees for clapping on seeing a red car, y wouldn't I do it? Its certainly not a big deal! My friend once told me that u should not cut ur nails days before exams coz then u wil forget all ur answers... even though I tried hard to rack my brain thinking of a logic behind that, I never could manage to get one but then who cares about the nail-length days before exams... so mayb I can manage that much.

Each morning when I take up the newspaper, I chuck the headline... anybody can update me on that... I shuffle the pages fast to reach the daily forcast colomn... maybe I should not mix up astrology with superstition. I feel its different. Astrology got a more hard-core scientific background n it involves lots of calculations n intense studies... But yeah many be the lucky colour n lucky number stuff can be put in here. So it is essentially that lucky colour given in the newspaper that decides what I'll b wearing to college, but then it relieves me off shuffling the whole ward-robe to decide what to wear... at-least I know the colour.

I know each day doesn't pass like a lucky day n moreover if it did, then its no point calling it lucky, but then maybe some thing bad bad bad could have happened which didnt coz of the colour of the dress am wearing... maybe... u never know... When I drive n come across any mini-temple or gurudwara or church or mosque, I take my hands off the steering wheel to pray; most of the time without bothering to pull up the breaks... n my dad sitting right next to me will be shouting "I wil make u pay for the damage 'with interest' if anything happens to my car!"


I have discussed about my superstitious ideas with a hell lot of people n am ever so proud of it... I always ask 'what is wrong if am superstitious... what if it works... what harm am I doing to anyone..." n the most common line I have heard as a backfire will be "I wonder how u call urself a science student!"

I know maybe my great Physics books doesn't have answers to my questions... maybe I being a physics post graduate student should not have this mentality... but then when I think from the scientific point view, the 'string theory' says that there is interaction energy between two bodies by exchange of small small particles... particles so small that they r being assumed to be massless. Maybe this black cat that crosses the way too exchanges some particles with the humans who come their way n this acts like a negative energy... maybe those particles r different from those coming out from white cats... I don't know... I don't care... This universe is so wide n large n poor earth is like a small little dot as compared to the size of the universe... 'we' r dots in that small dot... n our 'brains' r dots in that small dot which is a small dot in some other dot. All I mean to say is that there is still lots to explore... to know... I wont get back my lost days if they find out about the 'particles' that that black cat emits after 20-30 years....

The Power-puff Girls!

A long time pending post which I had planned to put up last August. I wont say I didn't get time coz that's not true but due to some reason or the other, this one kept getting postponed. Anyways, a week back Ayushi warned me that she will throw me outta the bus if I don't sit and write about 'us'... well she has been waiting for it for a long time now.. so here it goes........

The powerpuff girls "Shibumi, Ayushi, Shruti" (d title we got on our farewell day by the juniors).... The perfect trio... the first-benchers... the very hardworking... the most talkative... the professor's pets... the library addicts... the inseparable... the 'never had a fight' group... the damn helpful... the always together... in short, the ideal best-friends! My mother always says that in school u make friends who r cherishable but in college u make friends who r simply unforgettable... n these two very spl ppl come under that category!

Am not gonna start off with the history of how we became friends n all that, but seriously I had no IDEA of how close we will get. Me n Ayu are quite immatured as compared to Shibu... (U can close ur mouth Shibu, I know I never accepted... but its true). My mom says me n Ayu are like the two plates of the physical balance n Shibu is like the hook up thr balancing the both of us. But I have learnt a lot from this girl. Shibu is like 'I can take care of myself !' kinda girl n she sure can... she was staying in a hostel during the three years of our graduation n managed that tough life very effectively. Her hostel gossips n hostel food was a hit amongst us. Ever heard of anyone going crazy over hostel food? well me n Ayu were... though Shibu classified it as 'inedible' we both could never come over the fetish for that n would gladly exchange our home-made lunch for her hostel's packed lunch.

Each morning when I used to leave home, sitting in bus I will recollect all that happened last evening coz I have to giv an account of all that to them... everything.. right from visitors list to what was cooked in the dinner to wat all mails I got to wat I saw on TV to who all were online last night.. everything!!! And mondays really used to leave me exhausted coz that used to cover up the weekend news which would just go on n on n on...! There was never a scarcity of topics to talk about yeah but sure there used to be a scarcity of time! In first year we did a hell lot of exploration trips in Delhi n have gotten lost many times (:D) But each day was a new day n we never gave up. In second year we got to 'eating out' n 'partying out' things... watched many movies n each time I used to sit with Shibu coz she was someone who can go on translating n explaining me each scene along with the on going movie... a parallel cinema used to run for me directed by Shibu. In third year as a very pleasant surprise, Ayu shifted to the house right behind mine n like they show in movies, me n Shibu visited her new house many times asking for help n stuff.... we really enjoyed al that.

Of course how can I not mention the great birthday celebrations we had... the best one according to me was Ayushi's second year birthday. Me n Shibu had planned that we will buy a cake for her n drop at her place shouting "surprise"... that time she was staying in SN n not in my locality. We had visited her house before but were not sure about her address, so one day I was playing with her purse n said am not gonna give back... probably Ayu took it as an usual kiddish act of mine, but the real reason was that I wanted to note down her address from her ID card. Me d smarty... smarty... ;) To book the cake, Shibu said she needs to pay her bill n called me to accompany her but Ayu offered to company... but we didnt want her... I made a crying baby face n said "Last time u went with her, its my chance now... so u r not supposed to come!" hee... hee... on her birthday when we reached her house she was sooo happy....!! N when she collected the bits one by one, she was sure impressed!! In third year we had planned a treasure hunt for her n I remb I spent a whole of my electronics lecture in writing the hints, sitting in the front bench.

Though all 3 of us used to sit in the first bench, I never sat with Shibu. The reason being that once in first yr we sat together in a Quantum class n sir asked us to derive a very simple expression, we both were the first once to do n sir said that 'this expression got a Nobel prize' n we both just couldn't manage our laughter. With Shibu passing cross comments on everyone n me never able to control my expressions, we decided never to sit together. Ayu is very balanced in that sense n could always handle Shibu's witty n funny comments on every professor with a decent smile n then after they have left, they would share it with me n we would get the roofs down with laughter. Shibu used to keep my mobile phone with her always n would b playing 'snake' sitting in the first bench... n surprisingly, she never got caught. Ayu is one of those typical 'yes sir, yes mam' kinda girl. The topper of the class with all assignments, notes everything complete. I remember once in 3rd yr, I had a doubt in an assignment question, though 3 days were left for the submission of the assignment but we had to submit it to the class the very next day so that everyone else could complete it, so i messaged Ayu to scan me the answer n mail me. When i got her 20 scanned sheets n went thru each one of them carefully, I dint get the answer at all. I called her up n asked where is the answer n she said "Yaar, I have a doubt in that.. I have just written the introduction, if I get the answer by night, I will mail u else we will ask sir tmrw".... U can guess my reaction!

Of course the fest n farewells were no less enjoyable with us presenting our dancing skills. This one thing bonded us very strongly that we three loved to dance. We never cared of who is seeing us, or who is saying wat, But we loved to dance!!! During the first year farewell to 'super-seniors' we danced on "say na say na" (bluffmaster) choreographed by Shibu n it rocked!! During the mid of second year this Departmental fest came in which left many scars in the heart of many people in my class n had soured many relationships. We three decided never to participate in any of such events but when farewell to our seniors came, we gave up all our egos n rocked the dance floor with a highly highly well choreographed n heavily practiced dance on the title track of 'dhoom-2'.



As of now, Ayu is doing her post graduation with me n am simply too glad about that fact. Shibu dropped a year n was preparing for her CAT n went down to Hydrabad to stay with her parents. We went to see her off in the station when she left Delhi n it was a real senti moment. We really miss her n there doesnt pass a single day when we forget to mention her name. Last December I went to meet her in Hydrabad, clubing it with a family vacation to Aurangabad... n was very happy to see her!! Fortunatly for us, she got thru a college in Delhi for her MBA n will be coming back to Delhi this June... the wait is on with full excitement n plans!!!

I don't know how those three years of college life would have turned out to be if I hadn't gotten such friends... Like everyone, I had always longed for such 'life-time' friends with whom one can be oneself... these two turned out lot more than I expected. They were there with me to celebrate my small small happiness to big achievements... to cheer me up during little disappointments to great depressions... they never hesitated to tell me am wrong but at the same time didn't leave my hand when others were trying to prove me wrong... they didn't like mine shedding tears for every small n big thing but then they were equally willing to wipe it off n replace it by a smile on my face. At-times when I sit recollecting those days n incidents, I feel really really lucky!