It's all about Attitude

I don't understand that if I don't understand myself, how am I ever gonna understand others and make them understand me. No points for guessing that a rush of thoughts is taking up all the space on my head and am frustrated. Though God never gives me a shortage of things to complain and whine about, still every new thing deserves its share of attention, in case it feels ignored!

Am having my share of fun and life is going 'fine' otherwise, but for the few jitters. The usual bad communication and misunderstanding have surfaced yet another time. I thought I left those petty things back in college when I post-graduated but guess, growing up phase is still ON. I don't get the funda of all these 'emotion' kinda stuff. They say its just hormones or yet worst, just a few chemical bonds that plays around with the chemistry of life. Ah! how lame I feel. 

Just imagine the size of the universe having million million of creatures and out of the lot, am perhaps just a teeny-tiny spec and whose existence matters to a teeny-tiny little set of people. Still when these damn emotions brings me down, it feels like this whole mighty universe is worthless and its just all about those chemicals that manipulated. Ah! The feeling of being sad... its the worst one ever. Its sometimes good to believe in those times that a superpower exist above this empty space who will take care of the whole situation... the more upset I get, the stronger I believe.

Am not a very strict believer of 'God' and neither am I an atheist, rather I don't have a strong opinion about the whole thing. For me, when am upset or scared about something, believing that someone is there to take care of u, gives Courage. When am in my jolly-good mood, I don't care to take time outta my masti moments to bow my head to someone who May/MayNot exist. I choose the easy way out. For me, festivals are more of eating good stuff and meeting people rather than chanting mantras. Am happy with my flexible beliefs.... its fun too. 

The small little mess gang and the 2 hrs per day in mess is genuinely the anti-depression capsule. It works wonders.... !! Ofcourse I feel really lucky to have some precious 'gems' in my life, thanks to the presence of whom, am still dragging on. Its so important to have friends who can tell u that u r wrong in a way that u don't feel bad. I hate it when someone points at my flaws, a fact that I have known like for ever. I know its a terrible attitude, as in everyone makes mistakes, its just that I don't consider myself one of 'them'. Sometimes I take pride of my arrogance and other days I feel terrible about my nature but the golden rule still reads, "My flaws, I know. If you know, kindly don't tell me!" 

As an year passed by....

My fingers seemed to have been rusted and jammed and so have my thoughts... its been a long time since I had taken out time to write. Sometimes it becomes so difficult to actually pull out time from the 'cobweb of daily chaos' and to do things that were the 'essentials'. "Its like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving - Robin Sharma". Am not using this as an excuse for not working on a Monday morning... but its just that its okkk to be lazy sometimes, its okkk to wake up a little late and its okkk to slow down a bit.

As I sat in my hostel balcony last night at 2 a.m watching the small kittens there sleeping peacefully with their mother by the side... I recollected the words my mom said when I was leaving home an year ago. She said we humans have this amazing sense of 'adaptation'. Its been a year of hostel life, though I have visited home trice in this tenure and dad visited me twice, I kinda got used to this life now. I like the way I have adapted in this new atmosphere and I like all the new things and experiences that has come my way.

Saturday night as my friends were moving from Ashwini guest room to their individual rooms, we had a farewell celebration. It was the mark of a year end for us so I thought of getting them a gift just to convey that they are 'special'. Never expected to have ended tear-eyed while giving that off... things got a little senti that time but I was glad that they liked it. We made soup, ordered pizza, got pastry and played music... a slideshow of the memories of the past year along with the movie 'Zindagi na milege doobara' added the spirit of the celebration. As they truly say, Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

Today morning Chandu was complaining about not able to sleep in the new room alone and so was Vardhini... isn't it strange how people develop affection and bond so fast. Just a year ago these people were complete strangers and at that time they couldn't sleep coz they missed their initial habitat. When we face changes, we first resist it but then somehow we manage to adapt... but by the time we get used to the new change, another change comes over and demands change! Its just as confusing as it sounds. These people who first seemed so strange and weird (though they are still weird) have become such a vital part of my life now.

I guess this is the best and the worst fact of life... as we grow older we meet new people but then we have to let go of the old ones. Ofcourse in this e-world, staying in touch and recollecting the tiny bits of memory is not a very hard thing to do but still reliving those moments and experiencing those over-whelming emotions is still not possible.

The 'awesome' gang :)

It was an awesome 2 hours I spent with my awesome friends last saturday. To add to the awesomeness was the 'Freska' awesome food.... just in case u didnt notice, am all excited about the 'kung-fu panda-2', so the uncontrolled use of the legendary word 'awesome' may kindly be taken with a pinch of salt. Anyways coming back to the awesome time I had, the reason for the extravagance expenditure (though we dont need any) was the end of the 'course-work era'. It sure did call for the grand celebration, and we arn't fools too ignore such occasions.

Back there after finishing with the usual serious and critical discussions of movies, courses, lab stuff, cloths, crushes, mess, hostel etc. etc. we decided to start counting the best things in IISc that has happened to us so far. Worst things were also a part of the discussion but I dont think its worth putting up here.... for many critical reasons. So coming back to the goody goodies, it was then when I realized that these people with whom am spending this 'awesome' time where I dont miss my home, I dont feel frustrated about work, I dont have stuffs running in my head, I dont need to be something which am not, I could put up my opinion without being judged for that, I could be as ill-mannered and blunt as I can be no-where else in the world.... they are the 'best thing' that has happened to me in IISc.

The kind of life am leading now, was never how I imagined my life in IISc to be. When I left home, I was scared, excited and anxious about the new things am gonna learn... these people made me feel at home but still I never expected this kinda bonding to ever happen. Quoting Preeti's words, "we are like a family now". Maybe that why I dont feel so home-sick anymore. Today they were asking me show some respect to them coz they are elder to me, but trust me, how-so-ever hard I try, I can probably never see them as even a day elder to me. These 'awesome' people are the perfect example of "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional", U know what they have opted for :)

Stating the legendary tale of the birth of this 'evening group' (which no one calls us as) will get very boring so I will run a quick overview of the whole thing. This blog is essentially for my own records so that I dont miss out on the innumerable 'awesome' moments when I sit to tell the story to my children. 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' the T.V. series is perhaps the most important part of the origin of this gang. IISc repo should also be acknowledged for the movie collection (though it could have been better). Some of my favourite event/places/occations will be : malleswaram and mantri mall; nite chit chats in gymkhana and main building; tea-board visits; guitar and swimming lessons; ghar aaja pardesi; exhausist; Vardini's hindi; My bengali lessons; looking for orion; doubles cycling; eating out every weekend; discussing MM; going for shopppppppping; uncontrollable laughter in mess; world cup final; the round-round cycling; and many many more which I dont recollect now... and much much more to come... Just a word of thanks to these 'awesome' people for entering my life and making my stay in IISc so 'awesome' and memorable. Words are not the best way to express emotions but they are still better than being silent.

Heard the familiar tune.....

It starts from the eyes... travels all the way down to the dear hearty and affects the top commander. Growing up is certainly a very complicated task to do. I pretended to stop myself, but never really tried sincerely. My initial hesitant 'secret stares' have now change to a 'shameless open eyed look'. I dont care the presence of 100 more people around me, the one face gets all the attention. I laugh at myself but still consider it an achievement.

It started out on the fun side. More than anything else, it was an act that was making me to stick to mess food and was cutting down on the expenses. The few glances were making it possible to gobble up the nothing-to-eat (sometimes literally) food. It gave my brain a new occupation, to find out some details of the concerned subject and to bring out the sleeping 'Nancy Drew' within me. The more I learnt, the more I wanted to. It is now a constant topic of discussion in my group and U bet my friends are getting really pissed off with this topic, essentially because they see no 'future' here.


When I was small, I learnt this proverb "think before u leap". This is one of my ever favourites and these words are litterally embedded in my heart. I think so so damn hard that each time I decide with taking the leap, I will get back to the thinking part and the process goes on. Its hard to tell when am gonna take the leap, or rather, If am ever gonna take a leap.... U c.... am still thinking. Its good to take risks sometimes but then am a little too protective about myself.

No two people can ever be fully compatible and if am to look for someone just like me, I need to end up settling up with my own reflection (which wil be left-handed, unlike me). But when the differences reach the level of language, culture and eating habits, I dont think it will be the best decision to go for it. But sometimes there are no choices. As of now am going with the flow and having my share of fun. It 'feels good' and thats what I feel is important for me now. I got a new reason to stick to this place, to eat the food in the mess and something to look forward to. Let optimism rock and if it doesnt work, there is always a "Better luck next time" ;)

Change is a Rule.

In one of my old posts dated June 8, 2009 Guys vs Gals I remember having expressed a very negative ideology towards the concept of 'marriage' and I wrote and meant the following lines whole heatedly "At-times when I imagine myself away from my house, my family, my world... living out there with some god damn stranger... I feel can there really exist some 'heart-less' creature who will be so damn heartless to take me away??!!". This post and in-particular these lines caught a lot of attention and my dear once constantly tried to change my ideas both online and offline.

I have always considered myself very lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful family for myself. And much to the contrast of what I presumed earlier, I didnt really need any 'heart-less' creature to take me away from my paradise. It was the need of the hour, the hunt for a successful life and my very own hard-work that took me away from my house, my family, my world... for my own good. Am happy now, no doubts there. The self made world of mine with my future shining brightly in front of me like a guiding star, with my present like a fortress under construction and with my past like a steady staircase... couldnt have been more perfect.

Am on a vacation now and it feels good to be home. But its not the same thing like I expected it to be. I kinda feel more like a stranger in my own house and less like a part of it. My study room felt nothing like before and there was no trace of my books, yeah I took them all with me but still I didnt expect all of it to be gone. My cupboard had just my winter coats, mufflers and gloves which I left home considering I wont need them in B'lore. Dad actually had to 'make space' for my cloths. I actually had to ask mom for the location of the spices in the kitchen. Ayu had to adjust her schedule to spend time with me, another shocker for me, coz there were never two separate schedules.

When in hostel, there were times when I used to wake up from deep sleep and find myself alone there. I used to tell myself to calm down and assume that am on a holiday and will be going back home soon. Now the reverse assumption sounds more realistic. I realised it last month that the more I resisted 'change' the more dominating it became. My frequency of calling home greatly reduced in the recent past as rightly pointed by my lab mate, Venkat. My friends noticed me talking less of 'Delhi' and wanting to explore more of 'Bangalore'. Unlike earlier where I used to call my relatives to campus, I have started going out of campus to visit my relatives place by myself. Yes! I have finally learned to face the world 'independently' without any strings attached to it.

Subbu, my very old and very good friend told me that ever since I went to hostel, she has been very seriously following my blogs. She says my writings have improved and I have started writing very short n crisp things. I was just so glad to get to hear these words from her coz trust me, she is one of the most straight-forward person who can be so blunt that she can cut ur throat with her tongue. But its her honest and this straight-forward bindass attitude of hers that makes her so special. Its what is in her heart, that comes out of her mouth without any decoratives or accessories attached to it. Love u girl... keep rocking as always.

But am glad that even with time, some things dont change. When I went for a walk in Lodi garden after 4 months, I felt very happy to find familiar faces passing their friendly smiles and enquiring about my absence. The care, affection and concern of the dear once is a very precious treasure one can find. I felt good about the fact that - road side golgappas, haldiram's rajkachodi, U.P.S.E chat, Chandni chowk dahi balla, S.N alu chat, C.P's kachodi, Bengali sweeti's samosa, sadar bazar's bature chole, University's bus stop burger, Nirula's hot chocolate fudge and Golden bakery's pastries - tastes no less than heavens still!! Delhi roads and my dad's generosity in giving the car keys, both have broadened a lot and am loving it. My bro now fights less with me and lets me watch T.V for a longer time, knowing the fact that I dont watch TV in hostel. Mamma is making only my favorites and I am controlling the menu of the house. It is Happy Holidays Indeed ! !

Life is a blessing...

We have been taught from kinder garden to appretiate the small things in life and to always compare oneself with those who are less previlaged than us and to feel good about our status and position in life. But some lessons are learnt not from books but by the "real" experiences of life. Probably this is the reason why it used to be so facinating to listen to Grandma's stories coz they come out of "real" world and their philosophy is far more realistic and acceptable than some of the crap in books....

Am sitting in the balcony of my room... I have finally been shifed to a hostel room (was put up in a guest house before). This new room is really really awesome! The best part of it being the sit-out in the balcony. This is my "thinking place" and a little paradise in itself. Bro gifted me this huge teddy-bear which I call "Eddy-Teddy" for my room and am living a very comfortable life out here. The mess food though some-times boring, still is quite good and they try to be innovative and give real weird flavours of ice-creams at-times. My lab is one of the bests of IISc with an amazing supervisor who says "no for nothing". Have gotten real time good friends here and the fun n masti that we do, is inspiring me to write a novel on.

It was an usual saturday afternoon last week when I had been pulled out of bed by my stupid friends at 5:45 coz the tea time in mess is (4:30 to 6). Very half heartedly and with a heavy head I managed to reach the mess constantly cursing my stupid but very caring friends. There we went to our favourite corner near the window and I was gradually coming outta my sleep hangover when I found 4 children looking at us from the window. Must have been the children of the mess workers, I thought. They noticed me noticing them and asked me to pass them bread. Before I could react, Chandu went and got them a pile of bread with jam on top of it. They were happy and ran away.

This incident ignited a spark and a heated arguement began on 'how good was that act'? I didnt understand 'what is bad there'. This is what we have always been taught right, to help the poor. After all its just a matter of a few slices of bread, something which is available in mess everytime and no one touches it. But different people have different perspective and it takes no time for a discussion to take a turn to arguement with things moving from east to west to north to south. People feared these kids will get to this bad habit of begging for their food and will start disturbing and irritating other people in mess. There are days when we ourself are so busy that we just get time to slip in one sip of tea n rush back, who got the time to even pass on that one single bread.

I never saw those children near the mess again, I dont know what happened. But then isnt it sad that there r children who really really are so miserable. I on the other hand, doing nothing but just studing am earning a handful and living a very comfortable life. Trust me if I say my new room is big enough to accomodate a poor family of 4 members. If I really start looking down at people who are lower in status and position than me, am afraid I will start feeling so chocked and guilty that I wont be able to enjoy an ounce of my life.

All I can say is that am just happy that my life is like the way I wanted it. I have a family back there who have been really supportive of my decisions and dont fail to push me to greater heights. I have friends who truely honestly deserve and fit in all the millions and trillions of definition of the word 'friends'. I have been under such fine superwising eyes that their inspiration and words of wisdom are more than enought for this birth of mine and last but not the least, the dear almighty who perhaps is really very fond of me :)

Tit-Bits

Every single day brings with it a bunch of "weird incidents" which have a stupid, ironic, sarcastic sense of humor associated with it. The weirder the incident it, the more tempting it is to share. With work going on full swing, these days am hardly finding time to sit with my friends and chit-chat like I used to do. My little group here makes it a point to sit together for dinner and share all such "interesting" incidents... believe me, this 1 hr time that we sit around chit chatting in the mess, makes us forget the world around us and the giggles and laughs leaves us very light-hearted and happy. Today I just though of jorting down a few such incidents...

As I was walking down a lane near the library, with my eyes stuck on the beautiful half-crest moon....

STRANGER: "Excuse me! There is a snake ahead. Very small one, just be careful."

my mental dialogue "wattttt.... run stupid.. run back home!!!"

ME : "Thx. I wil manage."

If I were in Delhi, I would have been sure this is one of those school time April fool trick but I know here it is not a joke. I stayed glued to that place and when I was sure that the stranger was out of site, I took a u-turn and took the long route.


It was Chipkali's informal frehsers party when she was asked to represent Karnataka state (she is a Bengali btw). So the ragging begins... she is on stage with mike.

Seniors : So tell us, wat is Karnataka famous for?

Chipkali : err.... well... I read about Karnataka yday... it is very famous for silk.

Senior : and?

Chipakali : And its a great tourist spot and is even called the "City of gardens".

Senior : and?

Chipkali : it has a very rich culture.

Senior : education wise?

Chipkali : Ohhh ! ya it has a very famous university and a huge number of students.

Senior (frustrated now!) : where r u standing?

Chipkali : On stage ..... (damn confused!)

Senior (banging tthe head) : which campus is this?

Chipkali (finally the bulb glow) : Oh! ya ha.... Karnataka is famous for IISc :)

Senior : Thank you!

Venue : Ashwini hostel room. Time : 2 a.m

Bang! Bang! Bang!!

Vardini : Shruti?? U can sleep here if u r missing mom

Me : Noo its not that... I found sumthing.

2 more voices from inside : who is it?

Vardini : Its Shruti and she looks pale.

the 2 voices : Yaar U can sleep here is u r missing mom

Me (Frustrated!) : No am not missing mom... I mean I am but thats not wat I came for. I saw just now that our ID card is valid upto 2016... I cant stay here for 6 years!

Chandu (speaking without opening eyes) : Look at the brighter side, u wil surely get a PhD by 2016

Me : U kidding me? I will die single! Who will ever marry me?

Chandu : Look at the brighter side, it will save someone's life.

Me : Ya sure! U guys r sick... this place sucks.. god damn wat the hell am I doing here? I wanna go home!! (sob! sob!)

Chorus : Tea board chaleen? Strong black tea???

Me : Yes please!

One fine afternoon I was lazing around in my room watching K2H2 for the 300th time when the phone rang (unknown number)

ME : Yes?

OTHER SIDE : Shruti, this is Prof. Krupanidhi here

me stood up n froze... thats my guide!!!!

OTHER SIDE : where are u?

ME : ssssssiiiirrrrrr... aaaammm aammm in roooooom.... nnoooo cuuureeennntt innn lllibbbraary....

OTHER SIDE : come to lab.

This one incident became the biggest joke in my group and each time we cross library, some one or the other will say "no current in library" and I will go pink!


Chandu : Today I reached class at 11.

ME : wow! on time today... so finally u broke the record of going 10 min late?

Chandu : When I entered the class, everyone was staring at me. I didnt understand why and went and sat in the last bench when a girl turned back n wispered, class almost about to get over where were u?

ME : lol !!!