gotta grow up fast!

There I go... yep again messed up! Its only days like these now-a-days that I get to hit sum alphabets on this page. I miss this stuff but more than anything I miss the virtue of patience and calming myself down before reacting so fast n stupidly. As always, once again I have ended up hurting people I considered myself closest to... why why on earth do I keep messing up my easy-go-lucky kinda life.

It was almost more than a fortnight since I had "talked" to my mom and she compensated it yesterday by not letting me hang up on her for almost 3 hours. Yep, I actually had to keep her on hold to recharge my mobile. She is probably right, education has not taught me anything. My mental level and my maturity in tackling with problems is still in the same level as it was when I passed out from school. Though at that time she used to consider me over-mature for my age but guess the growth stopped there.  

I have always got this very strong urge to please people and being a cause of others happiness has always filled me up with beaming joy. But then somehow when my head spins, the volcano erupts and the lava always falls on the people staying closest. And by the way, my head always always spins when the word "Change" is forced upon me. There are a certain ways things should go... it gotta be the right way... it gotta be my way. Ya am not made up of rubber spine but then who is? Maybe I am flexible in a non obvious way... I do bend, it just takes a little more time than usual.

Apology doesn't come easy to me. It takes me time to realize my mistake... it takes much longer to accept the realization and it takes me more than a decade to actually act on it. Ya quite towards the egoist side, I agree... and am not liking this particular blog of mine.... somehow its not painting a very good picture of me but trust me, other than these little shortfalls, am very close to being a perfect friend and a perfect person. I like myself anyways and if I do change, maybe I will lose my personal charm.

Anyways apology virgin as I am, I wasnt sure how to apologize, I messed up guys! Big time! I cant ever take my words back but then all I wanna say is I lost it. Dont make me much more of a loser than I am. I love u more than I can ever express and I miss not having you guys around me. I completely understand if u dont wanna talk to me or spend time with me.... but I just wanna you to know that am really truly SORRY.....