Thanksgiving.....

A topic which I kept so low and silent all these years…. I don’t know suddenly from where I got the courage to talk about it! I don’t know how long I can keep this post in my page but I seriously hope I never need to delete it off.

Am not gonna name him or give any kind of hints here but will definitely make sure that I convey my feelings… we started off together to explore life but he went a bit too fast and am left behind! Am certainly not writing it under the frustration of losing him forever but yeah it sure feels a little bad.

We met today for lunch. Though I had planned a lot more which didn’t happen, I was glad he turned up, after making me wait for 2 hrs. Well I told myself “don’t worry, u r used to it!” It wasn’t a ‘Date’ for sure but just two friends meeting up for lunch to spend some quality time together. After placing the order, the usual chit-chat began and it was going pretty good till this February side-effect started and he started off with his ‘crushes… proposals… n girls’. I wish I had never known his ideas on this topic… I wish! I wish! I wish!!! But now its too late… I wish we had never spoken about this! I wish! I wish! I wish!!!

We were never on the same boat… if it is East for me, it ought to be West for him always! But the point which shocked me was to see him going so cheap on girls that too in front of a girl! No am not here to project him as a ‘moron’ or a ‘villan’…. He is still a ‘hero’ for me and will remain one forever! Imagine a guy (more importantly your friend!!!) flaunting in front of u saying ‘girls just need security in life’, ‘if a guy expresses it in anyway that the girl means a lot to him, then the girl will fall into the trap’. He says there is no such thing like ‘true love’ and at the end of everything it’s just getting physical that matters! It was very difficult for me to keep my cool and to listen to all that, but then I reminded my self that I had invited him! Its not that he don’t have regrets for what he do… but then he said ‘if not now, then when?’ I didn’t understand ‘why should that be there, in the first place’ I mean flirting is not a law in the constitution that one has to abide to!

I tried to explain that our family background and the ethics that we are being brought up with doesn’t really give enough space for all this… he accepted that he is finding it difficult to face his parents at-times… but still…. Why??? I mean ‘fun is fun’ till others are not affected by it… but when it comes to so many people and their precious emotions, how can one be so casual about it??? If I had heard all this from someone else, I would have never believed it. But now I have no choice. He was there sitting in front of me saying all this. His ideas and thought made him sound really cheap. I know am dramatizing, but the further he said, the more I wished him to stop!

When the topic turned to me, I told him that I do have a liking towards a person but didn’t tell him the name. Though I had decided that I will tell him when I see him, but u c the things we discussed really left me confused! I didn’t want to take any step for which I will need to regret later or for which I need to feel sorry. He made me think hard!!! He was obvious that he has absolutely ‘no feelings’ for me. He sees me as a friend and am glad he does! Or else things would have gotten more complicated I guess…. He advised me to let ‘that guy’ know my feelings so that I feel light hearted. I told myself “light hearted uh??!!” After spending about 2 hrs we finally decided to wind up. I rushed back to my class and he was off after a good bye handshake!

Back in class when I told Ayushi all that happened, she was surely not very happy! We were reaching home when I suddenly took out my mobile and typed a message “I don’t know if I should let u know this, d guy I was talking about is YOU. Note - am not proposing you or expecting an answer. Its just that I wanted you to know. Lets not discuss it ever again. Hope u understand!!”. I showed it to Ayu before sending and she said “NO”!!!! I looked at the message, closed my eyes and sent it…………..

Silence… silence… we both didn’t realize what happened for some time!! It took him 7 min and 24 seconds to reply back “u have me as a frd always”. Those 7 min and 24 seconds were as if “we are waiting for our results” (In Ayu’s words!). But I kindda felt proud of myself and wanted to pat my shoulders for doing something I never ever expected from me. I don’t regret my act… coz if I had, I wouldn’t be writing it here!! I actually felt light-hearted and am really very happy. I can’t deny the fact that a tear just came rolling down when am typing, but that’s not coz of any regret!

I have him as a friend and am happy for that. He is a very nice person who will stand by me in my ‘blue-days’. I know I can trust him blindly and he really respects me a lot. A person can’t be judged based on his ideas about a particular topic right? After all in this world no two ppl can think alike or have similar ideas. What seems right to me need not be right for others but that surely doesn’t put them in “wrong” category. I realized that its just that we wont click coz our ideas don’t match but that’s not gonna put an end to our friendship! Am glad he is my friend and am very proud of him. Today’s lunch I will call a thanksgiving for making me realize a lot of things which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise! Am happy for myself :)