Dip in the Deep

Its not a perfect world... the one we live in. The idealistic rules simply doesn't apply here... as my new friend Ram, who by the way is a hockey player, told me the other day, "u gotta fight for survival".

I was merely floating with the tides... ups and downs were a part of it when suddenly I felt sinking... down down... I couldn't breath.. it was so heavy.. I felt it pulling me down with all its strength... I hit the bottom. I froze. I opened my eyes and found myself stuck, unable to move.. unable to breath. I thought its the end... I closed my eyes again... murmured my mothers name and asked god to forgive me for all the times when I didn't listen. I could feel the little bubbles of breath escaping from me... taking with them all my hope and strength. I felt weak.. I felt dead. Suddenly a soft voice whispered asking me to give one last try... I decided to do that. I opened my eyes, generated some energy from somewhere... gave a good push and aaaaaaaah!! Yes the sweet air hit me.. I was up on top of this water body that tried to kill me... I saw trees smiling at me.. birds chirping to welcome me back to life.

Some lessons are learnt the hard way... there is no other way out. Good experiences becomes memories and bad once teach lessons. I saved my life and am reborn a better person. I opened my eyes to a new perspective of the Darwin world where there is chaos and uncertainly... rules doesn't work here... its unpredictable, mysterious and the fittest one survives. I decided to make myself strong to survive. Am not gonna reveal the secret of the new found strength but I lost the fear of taking dips in the deep water now... I know I can stand the tides... Common life, its u or me out there. Am not gonna be defeated so easily... its gotta be the right way... its gotta be my way!

Last few months I faced a hell lot of resistance from life.. things just weren't working out. Everything I did.. was wrong. Everything I wished.. was rejected. Everyone I loved.. was hurt. I had no where to go... nothing to look upto... wasn't alone but still felt so lonely. Things just started getting so messed up that I couldn't even start to untangle. I gave up and was building my strength to fight back. I was waiting for the high tide to passby so that I can swim back again... persistence... patience and faith were keeping me up. It was the possibility that kept me going, not the guarantee. What I learnt from this bad terrible phase of my life is...

> Never ever taken anyone for granted.
> The more close u r to someone, the more are the chances of getting hurt from them.
> If they dont wanna listen, they wont listen. Dont waste your time explaining.
> If they wanna go, just let them go. Dont beg them to stay.. its just emotional torture for them then.
> Wait for the right time and never never give up the hope.
> Life isnt a fairy tale but then sometimes dreams do come true.
> The stronger is the bond, the easier it is to break Ego.
> Lie has various flavors, its ok to try it sometimes.
> Relationship dies when communication stops.
> Be true to urself and accept urself.
> One day.. someday... all good things will happen to good people.
> All stories have a The End... earlier the better

Its a Lovestory...

*deep breath*... hmph! I dont know if I will be able to write about what I want to write but I know for sure that I wont be able to write unless I start somewhere. So here it goes... like they say 'boys will be boys', I think more or less even 'girls too will be girls' only. Strong or weak... bold or cowardly... self made or dependent... watever the case maybe with these girls... they all fall for romantic fantasy stories. Dah! Inside every lady is a dreamy little girl who waits for prince charming to rush into her life riding a white horse and sweep her off her feet. I never accepted am one of them. 

All this while when people around me fall in and out of love... talk about their love stories... I would just sympathize with them coz I could just see the pain they are putting them-self through. I ran behind a lot of prince charming myself... aah... wat fun it was. Things never got serious enough to break me down coz I actually never believed in it. I never understood what Vardini meant when she said "JP is my life". I never realized why Susmita is taking such a big risk by "starting from the scratch". I couldn't see what is it that Marsha feels so secured about. I used to consider them all crazy for running behind something that doesn't exist... for believing in something that will ruin them one day... 

But the magic happened to me... now I can see how someone can take the priority over life, how much strength this feeling gives for people to break the tall barriers... how rosy and cool life suddenly becomes and how much happiness this special feeling brings with it. It takes a lot of strength... patience... faith... respect... understanding... care... very heavy words I agree. Am still not there but I  now appreciate people going through all this. They no more look like crazy losers to me, they are the winners who willingly put them-self in pain for the respect and faith they have on 'Love'.

This post is dedicated to Vardini who is my new love guru. I have known about her "boyfriend" for a real long time now.... I have seen her getting upset over little arguments... getting sad over big fights with him... I have seen her calling off and giving up... I used to feel sad for her, thinking why she is putting herself through so much torture managing a long distance relationship. Even when he came to meet her, I didn't acknowledge the smile she had the whole day but I noticed the tears she shed when he left. Somehow I couldn't justify the pain... torture... complication... irritation... blah blah all such negative feelings... but technically love is supposed to be a blessing right? Why does a blessing come with pain? Where is happiness amidst all these tears? Where is peace when there is so much fight going on? 

Never asked her all this but the progress of events gave me my answers. I saw her today looking like a glowing beautiful full moon. Her happiness I could feel in the hug she gave me. Her narration of the events was getting paused frequently coz of the smile she just couldn't hold. The flying angel today got big wings for herself and I know the reason behind this strength. She tempts me to believe in the goodness of love. She made it happen... rather they both made it happen and am just so so happy for the lovely couple. All I wish from the bottom of my heart is for them to stay like this forever... may they keep finding pleasure in pain, smile in tears, friendship in fights.... and last but not the least, home in each other's heart. God Bless them! Touchwood.