gotta grow up fast!

There I go... yep again messed up! Its only days like these now-a-days that I get to hit sum alphabets on this page. I miss this stuff but more than anything I miss the virtue of patience and calming myself down before reacting so fast n stupidly. As always, once again I have ended up hurting people I considered myself closest to... why why on earth do I keep messing up my easy-go-lucky kinda life.

It was almost more than a fortnight since I had "talked" to my mom and she compensated it yesterday by not letting me hang up on her for almost 3 hours. Yep, I actually had to keep her on hold to recharge my mobile. She is probably right, education has not taught me anything. My mental level and my maturity in tackling with problems is still in the same level as it was when I passed out from school. Though at that time she used to consider me over-mature for my age but guess the growth stopped there.  

I have always got this very strong urge to please people and being a cause of others happiness has always filled me up with beaming joy. But then somehow when my head spins, the volcano erupts and the lava always falls on the people staying closest. And by the way, my head always always spins when the word "Change" is forced upon me. There are a certain ways things should go... it gotta be the right way... it gotta be my way. Ya am not made up of rubber spine but then who is? Maybe I am flexible in a non obvious way... I do bend, it just takes a little more time than usual.

Apology doesn't come easy to me. It takes me time to realize my mistake... it takes much longer to accept the realization and it takes me more than a decade to actually act on it. Ya quite towards the egoist side, I agree... and am not liking this particular blog of mine.... somehow its not painting a very good picture of me but trust me, other than these little shortfalls, am very close to being a perfect friend and a perfect person. I like myself anyways and if I do change, maybe I will lose my personal charm.

Anyways apology virgin as I am, I wasnt sure how to apologize, I messed up guys! Big time! I cant ever take my words back but then all I wanna say is I lost it. Dont make me much more of a loser than I am. I love u more than I can ever express and I miss not having you guys around me. I completely understand if u dont wanna talk to me or spend time with me.... but I just wanna you to know that am really truly SORRY.....

Shit happens!

Am tired of making mistakes... the impulsiveness which have been the root cause of all the possible problems I have been facing till date, is probably never gonna leave me peacefully. Am frustrated today and trying to correct myself.... yeah.... there is always a first time. I decided to try n accept the wat-so-ever little but still existing flaws in me. The little amplifier in me that causes all the over emotional melodramatic scenes in my head need to be fixed now, high time!

Its been a bad year for me as far as my 'precious' stuffs goes... the beginning of the year I lost the gold chain my grandma gave me that I was so fond of.... then I had an accident and damaged the gold ring that I bought after fascinating about it for so long. And as far as the recent happening goes, I lost my camera which my brother got me for Rakhi just last year...!! Well... 'stuffs' do get replaced but that feeling of losing something so precious... ahhh!! it hurts so badly.

Its not always the 'stuffs' but the emotions attached with it.... as far as the chain n camera goes it was still ok but am feeling low today coz I get a feeling that I have 'lost' something that cant really be replaced. I have lost a friend... who was a precious gem in my possession and on whom I was so proud of. Yeah the old theory of "We are still f.r.i.e.n.d.s is still going on" but then who am I kidding? it somehow never works.... Worst part of this big loss is that the concern person wont even realize whom am talking about... sigh... wat do i say now?

 Never in the wildest of my dreams had I imagined that I will ever be needing to search for a replacement of that person, it was meant to be 'Forever' in my head. I still donno where I went wrong... did I over react? I could have. wasn't I clear enough? Probably.... it happens when sumone is over excited. Did I rush things up? ya mayb... could have waited a little longer. I dont know... I dont wanna know... if things had worked out the way I had imagined, then probably today I wouldnt have been thinking all this. I and so so many people associated with my life would have been so happy for me.  Oh god! Y did I have to open my mouth? Y did I have to say stuffs... that created so much distance that I cant even begin to bridge the gap. 

Its too late now... I dont wanna but I have to give up coz I find myself stuck in that one place. Gotta move... gotta explore... gotta gain new height. Enough is enough. I had enough of this old story... gotta move on. It wont happen till I cut the last thread and am doing it now. Am gonna take a real good care of all my 'Precious' stuffs and am gonna just let go of them if they wanna go....

Weirdness Unlimited :-O

The journey of life takes us through various paths and the best part of this trip is the opportunity to get to meet and know a variety of people. Of-course, we just click off with a few of them and it just feels right. I have met this character, who defines the word 'weird' for me. A sweet cute "little" Bong girl who just happens to end up doing the 'most simple' thing in the weirdest possible way. The moment she starts off narrating her real life stories, I start preparing myself to end up with a stomachache and watery eyes thanks to the uncontrollable laughter!

This extraterrestrial being is mostly found in places where the human population is scarce. Usually absentminded and unaware of the surroundings, this creature is always seen searching for something on surface of the earth. The usual protocol of smiling at familiar faces is very conveniently ignored under the excuse of "not being able to see" the earthly inhabitants. Eating habits include chewing on cooked animals and vegetables, birds being the preference. Heavy mood swings are not very uncommon and is marked by pretending to be starving and pushing oneself through the "silent phase" where talking is forbidden. The characteristic feature that makes this species vulnerable to constant mockery and challenges its survival in large social groups is 'poor memory'.

It will take a lot of time to narrate the uncountable hilarious incidences that has happened with her so far... but truly she is a blessing for all those who finds it difficult to "change their frown upside down". As her lab-mate Malli once said "bas iski shakal dekhne se hi hasi aajate hai", I doubt if someone will ever disagree to that! Those big innocent eyes always manage to create a soft-corner in the listener's heart and she ends up taking people her way. Her senior Soumitra sure deserves a Nobel prize for keeping "Peace" with her. For Rupesh and Wareed probably she is the best toy their PI could have given for them to play with. All they have to do is key-up and the show begins. For all those who find her engrossed in searching for interesting documentaries, the fact is she is looking for information about her planet. I wish one day Adwait and Anirban are able find out what she is searching for!

On a serious note when she gets to giving serious advices, after a few giggles even I tend to listen. In totality she is a nice combination of... a fun mate, a naughty kid, a bright student, a brilliant artist and a very caring friend (kyun Preeti, wat say?) Be the same Chandu, u urself dont know what a great entertainment package u r. The time that we spend together, is all worth it... its just memories in the making. After all "tumhi din chade, tumhi din dhale.... tumhi ho bandhu, sakha tumhi !!" :D