All 4 SuccesS !

IIT Delhi or IISc was a tough choice. It was almost like 'family' or 'career'.

Maybe I actually am exaggerating things (like many ppl told me) or maybe am indeed a very very sensitive creature but what ever the fact is, am very disturbed. I have always argued that a human is not a human if he is not sensitive. I felt am killing my own sweet "sentiments" sumthing that I valued a lot. The mental dialogues, the constant questions, the dead line for admission, the "what have u decided" messages, the unwanted advices, the unacknowledged opinions... all were driving me crazy. I needed the time to stop for me. I wanted the world to freeze for sumtime so that I can think. I dont want dead-lines for my thoughts. I wanted to spend as much time with my family as possible and then go and join IISc. I know thats the best for my career and thats a reward for the hardwork that I have put in all these years. I got IISc coz I knew I deserved that. Saying a 'no' would have meant insulting my own labour and that would have been the height of injustice one can do to one self.

I was happy for myself. I appreciated my achievement but couldn't rejoice it. One option would have been so much better. I shortlisted these two out of the many other options I had and that was easy. But after this point, things took wild turns. When I talked to my parents, they left the final decision on me. I remember 5 years back when I was dying to get into a veterinary college, my dad just did not allow me coz I had no veterinary college here in Delhi and now when I secretly wanted him to repeat the history, he had other plans. The ironical part of the whole situation was my dad's phone call early morning on the day of my IISc interview. To my surprise he called and said "I know u r not serious about today's interview. IIT is good but this is the best. Dont joke around. I need u in there."

IISc was solely my decision. Yeah it was dad's push that got me through, u c am habitual of listening to my dad's words. It helped this time. Mom remained silent throughout the picture. She knew my mind and many other cross links. She trusts me and my decisions a lot and never creates hurdles in my life. Bro sumhow intuitively knew well before me, as to what am gonna decide on. He just simply asked me to keep in touch and not to forget to send rakhi every year. But yeah I know he is the one who is gonna miss me like hell. I should have never strengthened this bond with him. He is my life - world - everything and I dont know how am gonna manage without him. Frankly speaking am really feeling very scared as to whats gonna happen.

I remember when I came back home from interview in Bangalore, my little cousin (9th grade) asked me why am upset when the interview had gone well. I said "I don't know how I will live without mom, u c I cant sleep unless she lays down by my side for 10 minutes." He laughed and made fun of me and I realized that am really grown up a hell lot to say those words. Washing cloths is one more problem, I never did that before. When I was working out the hostel life in my mind, I realized the 'princess' life am leading and the unmeasurable amount of love and pampering am receiving. Its certainly gonna be difficult for this princess to step down a little and wash cloths, clean room and eat the cold hostel food. IIT certainly had its own advantages!

Ayu is another precious gem I will be leaving and going. Am so used to her always being there with me that I dont know who is gonna solve my problems next. Am sure I being a poor eater will be very casual with food if she is not around I will end up sleeping empty stomach... damn... y cant every one be as good as her. All my friends are here, I wonder if I wil get any good people there, but it will never be the same thing again. Ah! Delhi... am gonna miss u lots.

The IISc campus was one big attraction, that one place had more trees than cement and the place looks beautiful! It was like a dream where there are benches in the heart of a forest and cold breeze flowing and lifting up the spirits. That place has a charm and lots of positive energy and ofcourse some magnetic powers thats mesmerisingly attractive. I fell in love with that place at the first sight. My department (MRC) had some very fine professors / scientist of the country all doing amazing work! I got a chance to talk to a few of them and each one seemed more down-to-earth and simpler than the other. It was as if the competition is for who is nicer and not for who is bigger. When the acting chairman told my dad "Dont worry, she will be safe here", I dont know about dad but I sure did stopped worrying.

Am all set to leave for Bangalore by this month end. Am happy that I have finally 'decided' on one thing. I know for all this is the right decision and maybe I will learn to handle the emotional storms sooner. I have to grow up like everyone else does and take my responsibility... I just hope things dont get too hard on me. Feeling very good after writing all this down. So badly needed an outburst. At-times like this when I really 'need' to talk, I cant find a better medium than my page. Bangalore, here I come :) :)