D Backbenchers

Its been almost 2 weeks since 3rd sem results are out, but still my department has not yet fully recovered. My results, much more than my expectations!! Seriously, this time every exam was a mess. I was under such a bad phase of life during the exam days that I had stopped expecting anything out of myself. But yeah sum incidents in life make my belief in God go stronger. I scored 80% this time. Cheese!!

Am not writing this to boast about my marks, rather I have a thought in my head which is disturbing me for the past two weeks. I was in bus going back home when I got to know my results thru sms. Next day morning when I was passing my million dollar smile to my classmates, it hurted me to receive back tears. I could find many gloomy faces, disappointment and sadness dropping from eyelids, people giving lectures on positive thinking, encouraging each other to face the world boldly and to move forward, people promising themselves that they will do well next time. Ayushi and Savita were busy consoling and saying "sab theek ho jayega". I couldn't do that. I stood alone in a corner, watching the whole scenario and crying softly.

I don't understand how can I go to sumone with 50% aggregate and say "sab theek ho jayega", when I just cant c and understand "sab theek kese hoga?". I don't understand how can I ask a person to smile when they have scored so low. I don't understand how can I celebrate my good marks when my near-n-dear once are sad. I tried to stay away from all these discussions. When such sensitive topics starts, I always prefer isolation. I don't like and just cant see anyone crying. It makes me feel very low. I forgot all about my happiness and got very disturbed.

That day in lab when I was working with my circuit, Mung came. He was working sitting next to me when he congratulated me for my results. When I asked him, he said his aggregate is 30%. I froze for a second. He didn't notice and continued his talk. He said "When I was doing my graduation, I was the topper in my university. That time when my brother used to score less, I used to tell him to study. But now I realize, sumtimes one doesn't score well even if he studies". I put my circuit down and looked at him. He stopped his work, looked at me and said "Shru... when u become a professor and u c that a student has not scored well, don't think he is not studying". tap... tap... tap... there my precious tears which I was holding on since morning finally started falling. Mung tried to stop me and he felt bad thinking he has hurt me. But that's not true. 'He' didn't hurt me, its sumthing else that has actually hurt me. And I still have not figured out what it is.

Next day for the morning 10 o'clk lecture, I was a little late so missed out on the first bench. Though I could have managed a seat in the front rows, I took this as a chance to go and sit in the last bench. Incidentally, Mung came and sat next to me and said "Probably its the first time in this sem that u r sitting in the last bench". My mental dialogue "Its the first time in my whole life that am sitting in the last bench"! I noticed many things sitting from there. Firstly, its very difficult to concentrate on the lecture when ur neighbor is busy pressing the keypad of mobile phone constantly or eating lunch or discussing the blue eye-shadow with blue jeans! I tried my best to concentrate on the 'green-board' but I noticed that when u don't c the writings on the board so clearly from the last seat, a certain level of frustration develops which doesn't let a person enjoy the lectures. Sitting in the first bench, I used to get lost during lectures and it used to feel like sir is taking a private tuition for me. But when u r on the last bench and u c 200 heads in front of u, all shaking and doing all the possible acts, one sure gets distracted.

After the lecture got over, I shared my observations with my friends (d frontbenchers) I got to hear arguments like "y don't those ppl interact with us", "we never deny for notes", "y don't they ask sir to write boldly if they cant c", etc. etc. "Those ppl" here refers to the backbenchers. I noticed that a 'class' is broadly divided into two groups, the frontbenchers and the backbenchers. I realized its very easy for the frontbenchers to ask doubts coz they see only 'sir' in front of them while for the backbenchers, they see 'sir' after crossing 200 heads and that makes their life tougher.

Yeah but one thing I don't understand yet, y do people sit in the backbench when they want to score like the frontbenchers!