~ Unspoken words ~

What is there for me to cry for

when u too could feel my pain

what is there for me to hate u for

when u understood it all so plain.

I knew this day gonna come

I will lose the rights to think about u

I tried to pull as far as I could

my feelings were ever so true.

I wish I had never felt all that

I wish I hadn’t said all that

I wish I hadn’t fallen so badly

why did we had to part off so sadly?

words will never be enough

to convey what I felt

my wet eyes tried to speak

if only I had let u see

I wanted u to stop me

not let me just walk away

there was still so so much

for me to say !!

U were all I was living for

U were all I was waiting for

guess I lost my destination

walking in the path of success.

A day changed my life

A moment changed my world

I started hating myself

for not giving u enough.

If I were indeed a 'perfect computer'

true to what u once said,

it would have been so much easier for me

to delete u from my memory.

Sigh! Am a human being

I got a heart inside

and this pain is too hard on me to take

help me someone, for god’s sake!

New Year... New Outlook

This is gonna be a very very special post for me, reason being this is my 50th post here. Ah! My blog page... am the proud owner of this page... Feels so good!!

As the new year starts off... am feeling a little nostalgic. With vacations on and nothing purposeful to do, my thoughts are all clinched to the past, reminding me of all the small mistakes to big blunders I have made, from all the little good things to the major achievements I have received, from all the thick friends to all the unforgettable foes I have gained... Yes! there r definitely two sides of every coin!

They say "A person grows up the day he has a real laugh at himself"... I realized I have enuf reasons to laugh at myself, guess am grown up now! The process of growing up has always been a fascination for me. I always craved to archived a perfection in that act for which I make resolutions every year and at the end of the year when I open my diary to the first day, I pass myself a proud smile. That is how it goes for me, every year. The resolutions are nothing too great, just the small little things. Last year I had resolved to b regular in blogging and to post at-least 1 post every month. U can c for urself, I did it! Last year I had resolved that my mobile bill wont exceed Rs.100, and it never did. Though I do resolve not to cry every year, there actually hasn't passed a single month when I don't shed tear. Resolutions are made... some make it to last stage, some gets broken soon, some are made to be broken and some are just forgotten.... Still they r all so special !

This year, I have resolved not to make any resolutions. This New Year gonna be seen with a new outlook... am going in for a 'change'. Though I had always hated that word 'change' but there comes a stage in every one's life when things get too monotonous. Am quite tired of my life coz its missing that 'sumthing'! My life has ever been very smooth and clear. I archive my goals coz I work too damn hard. I never give myself a chance to fail but I realize this 'over protection' has in a way deprived me of sum of the failures which might have made me stronger. Am so used to victories that even small disappointments drive me to a hyper state of depression. Am looking forward to this year hoping to receive failures my way. I really wanna experience that. I wanna see how much of 'bad things' I can tolerate. I wanna see myself breaking down... am tired of the simple life, time for sum thing more challenging and 'interesting'.

Though it sounds a little vague when I say "don't wish me good luck, wish me bad luck", but I really really wanna experience that. There is just one life a person gets and they say one should enjoy it to fullest. Its never a surprise when I find my name in the toppers list, neither does it ever surprise those who get the news. Its like a routine these days. Come to think of it, I know I start studying for my final sem exam since the first day so there isn't anything surprising when I top. Surprise will be when I don't top even after studying so much or when I do top without studying so much. The first category will be a painful act so I wont wish for that but yeah if the second thing happens, then that's sumthing! I don't know how its gonna work but yeah mayb I can try a new outlook for one sem at-least. After all, this last sem is gonna be the last phase of my academic career. I will b stepping a professional life in the mid of the year, so y not take a chance?

Change is always for the better, right?? Lets see....

Wish u all a very happy and satisfactory New Year !!!