My Life... My way... !

It sure hurts when 'others' prove u wrong but I speak out of my own experience that it hurts more when ur own conscience proves u wrong. Every person is answerable to their own guilt, its just the capacity to hang on with the guilt, that varies from person to person. Guess, this is what differentiates the 'strong' and the 'weak' personality.

Given this criteria, I for sure am weak. Am so protective about myself that I never let myself do things outside the fixed set of rules am living with. I call it discipline, many call it punishment.

I never understood why ppl find it so difficult to believe that am actually living my life very happily and satisfactorily. If my definition of 'fun and happiness' doesn't tally with others, then will that mean am not enjoying? Hello !! Firstly I don't understand y I need to give an account of my way of living to others? Ok fine, even if I relax that a bit and say am answerable to my near and dear's coz they have a concern on me, still I cant c my life from their point of view right?

I don't like watching TV aimlessly for hours together, I don't like to waste my time lazying around day dreaming, I don't like chit chatting on phone for hours together, I don't like the worried look in my mom's face when I get late, I don't like to eat junks from road side, I don't like to pile up my wardrobe for the heck of it, I don't like to cheat, I don't like to hurt others, I don't like to lie, I don't want to get drunk, I don't wanna try drugs, I don't want to party a day before exam, I don't like to neglect my family, I certainly never wanna mocker my teachers, and the list goes on....

Is it too crumbled and twisted when I say 'I DON'T' like these things. Y is it so difficult for others to believe that am actually speaking from my heart. Am no hypocrite who wanna sell herself. If ppl don't like me, they r free to move away, am not holding on to anyone. But then what is so difficult in it to understand? Ofcourse its irritating when I listen to the phrase 'U don't live ur life'. And I have till now heard it in more than 20 voices, more than 50 times!!

What is happiness for me? Well... it is when I reap the rewards for my hard work. The minute I see my mark-sheet, I forget about all the boredom and pain I felt during the preparation period. I always choose the longer but safe routes, no short-cuts for me please. Happiness is when u enjoy what u r doing... when u know y u r doing this? what u will gain with that act? whats the purpose of this task? I always associate such questions to every doing of mine, right from blinking to eating. There has to be a logic behind every step I take. I need answers, I ask questions. I kinda love these mental dialogues which keep buzzing in every second and every second dialogue sounds 'worth blogging' to me. But yeah I need to take out time to sit and type all those. Long live blogger world! Such a lovely medium to pour down thoughts.