It starts from the eyes... travels all the way down to the dear hearty and affects the top commander. Growing up is certainly a very complicated task to do. I pretended to stop myself, but never really tried sincerely. My initial hesitant 'secret stares' have now change to a 'shameless open eyed look'. I dont care the presence of 100 more people around me, the one face gets all the attention. I laugh at myself but still consider it an achievement.
It started out on the fun side. More than anything else, it was an act that was making me to stick to mess food and was cutting down on the expenses. The few glances were making it possible to gobble up the nothing-to-eat (sometimes literally) food. It gave my brain a new occupation, to find out some details of the concerned subject and to bring out the sleeping 'Nancy Drew' within me. The more I learnt, the more I wanted to. It is now a constant topic of discussion in my group and U bet my friends are getting really pissed off with this topic, essentially because they see no 'future' here.
When I was small, I learnt this proverb "think before u leap". This is one of my ever favourites and these words are litterally embedded in my heart. I think so so damn hard that each time I decide with taking the leap, I will get back to the thinking part and the process goes on. Its hard to tell when am gonna take the leap, or rather, If am ever gonna take a leap.... U c.... am still thinking. Its good to take risks sometimes but then am a little too protective about myself.
No two people can ever be fully compatible and if am to look for someone just like me, I need to end up settling up with my own reflection (which wil be left-handed, unlike me). But when the differences reach the level of language, culture and eating habits, I dont think it will be the best decision to go for it. But sometimes there are no choices. As of now am going with the flow and having my share of fun. It 'feels good' and thats what I feel is important for me now. I got a new reason to stick to this place, to eat the food in the mess and something to look forward to. Let optimism rock and if it doesnt work, there is always a "Better luck next time" ;)
.jpe)
