It's all about Attitude

I don't understand that if I don't understand myself, how am I ever gonna understand others and make them understand me. No points for guessing that a rush of thoughts is taking up all the space on my head and am frustrated. Though God never gives me a shortage of things to complain and whine about, still every new thing deserves its share of attention, in case it feels ignored!

Am having my share of fun and life is going 'fine' otherwise, but for the few jitters. The usual bad communication and misunderstanding have surfaced yet another time. I thought I left those petty things back in college when I post-graduated but guess, growing up phase is still ON. I don't get the funda of all these 'emotion' kinda stuff. They say its just hormones or yet worst, just a few chemical bonds that plays around with the chemistry of life. Ah! how lame I feel. 

Just imagine the size of the universe having million million of creatures and out of the lot, am perhaps just a teeny-tiny spec and whose existence matters to a teeny-tiny little set of people. Still when these damn emotions brings me down, it feels like this whole mighty universe is worthless and its just all about those chemicals that manipulated. Ah! The feeling of being sad... its the worst one ever. Its sometimes good to believe in those times that a superpower exist above this empty space who will take care of the whole situation... the more upset I get, the stronger I believe.

Am not a very strict believer of 'God' and neither am I an atheist, rather I don't have a strong opinion about the whole thing. For me, when am upset or scared about something, believing that someone is there to take care of u, gives Courage. When am in my jolly-good mood, I don't care to take time outta my masti moments to bow my head to someone who May/MayNot exist. I choose the easy way out. For me, festivals are more of eating good stuff and meeting people rather than chanting mantras. Am happy with my flexible beliefs.... its fun too. 

The small little mess gang and the 2 hrs per day in mess is genuinely the anti-depression capsule. It works wonders.... !! Ofcourse I feel really lucky to have some precious 'gems' in my life, thanks to the presence of whom, am still dragging on. Its so important to have friends who can tell u that u r wrong in a way that u don't feel bad. I hate it when someone points at my flaws, a fact that I have known like for ever. I know its a terrible attitude, as in everyone makes mistakes, its just that I don't consider myself one of 'them'. Sometimes I take pride of my arrogance and other days I feel terrible about my nature but the golden rule still reads, "My flaws, I know. If you know, kindly don't tell me!" 

As an year passed by....

My fingers seemed to have been rusted and jammed and so have my thoughts... its been a long time since I had taken out time to write. Sometimes it becomes so difficult to actually pull out time from the 'cobweb of daily chaos' and to do things that were the 'essentials'. "Its like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving - Robin Sharma". Am not using this as an excuse for not working on a Monday morning... but its just that its okkk to be lazy sometimes, its okkk to wake up a little late and its okkk to slow down a bit.

As I sat in my hostel balcony last night at 2 a.m watching the small kittens there sleeping peacefully with their mother by the side... I recollected the words my mom said when I was leaving home an year ago. She said we humans have this amazing sense of 'adaptation'. Its been a year of hostel life, though I have visited home thrice in this tenure and dad visited me twice, I kinda got used to this life now. I like the way I have adapted in this new atmosphere and I like all the new things and experiences that has come my way.

Saturday night as my friends were moving from Ashwini guest room to their individual rooms, we had a farewell celebration. It was the mark of a year end for us so I thought of getting them a gift just to convey that they are 'special'. Never expected to have ended tear-eyed while giving that off... things got a little senti that time but I was glad that they liked it. We made soup, ordered pizza, got pastry and played music... a slideshow of the memories of the past year along with the movie 'Zindagi na milege doobara' added the spirit of the celebration. As they truly say, Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

Today morning Chandu was complaining about not able to sleep in the new room alone and so was Vardhini... isn't it strange how people develop affection and bond so fast. Just a year ago these people were complete strangers and at that time they couldn't sleep coz they missed their initial habitat. When we face changes, we first resist it but then somehow we manage to adapt... but by the time we get used to the new change, another change comes over and demands change! Its just as confusing as it sounds. These people who first seemed so strange and weird (though they are still weird) have become such a vital part of my life now.

I guess this is the best and the worst fact of life... as we grow older we meet new people but then we have to let go of the old ones. Ofcourse in this e-world, staying in touch and recollecting the tiny bits of memory is not a very hard thing to do but still reliving those moments and experiencing those over-whelming emotions is still not possible.

The 'awesome' gang :)

It was an awesome 2 hours I spent with my awesome friends last saturday. To add to the awesomeness was the 'Freska' awesome food.... just in case u didnt notice, am all excited about the 'kung-fu panda-2', so the uncontrolled use of the legendary word 'awesome' may kindly be taken with a pinch of salt. Anyways coming back to the awesome time I had, the reason for the extravagance expenditure (though we dont need any) was the end of the 'course-work era'. It sure did call for the grand celebration, and we arn't fools too ignore such occasions.

Back there after finishing with the usual serious and critical discussions of movies, courses, lab stuff, cloths, crushes, mess, hostel etc. etc. we decided to start counting the best things in IISc that has happened to us so far. Worst things were also a part of the discussion but I dont think its worth putting up here.... for many critical reasons. So coming back to the goody goodies, it was then when I realized that these people with whom am spending this 'awesome' time where I dont miss my home, I dont feel frustrated about work, I dont have stuffs running in my head, I dont need to be something which am not, I could put up my opinion without being judged for that, I could be as ill-mannered and blunt as I can be no-where else in the world.... they are the 'best thing' that has happened to me in IISc.

The kind of life am leading now, was never how I imagined my life in IISc to be. When I left home, I was scared, excited and anxious about the new things am gonna learn... these people made me feel at home but still I never expected this kinda bonding to ever happen. Quoting Preeti's words, "we are like a family now". Maybe that why I dont feel so home-sick anymore. Today they were asking me show some respect to them coz they are elder to me, but trust me, how-so-ever hard I try, I can probably never see them as even a day elder to me. These 'awesome' people are the perfect example of "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional", U know what they have opted for :)

Stating the legendary tale of the birth of this 'evening group' (which no one calls us as) will get very boring so I will run a quick overview of the whole thing. This blog is essentially for my own records so that I dont miss out on the innumerable 'awesome' moments when I sit to tell the story to my children. 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' the T.V. series is perhaps the most important part of the origin of this gang. IISc repo should also be acknowledged for the movie collection (though it could have been better). Some of my favourite event/places/occations will be : malleswaram and mantri mall; nite chit chats in gymkhana and main building; tea-board visits; guitar and swimming lessons; ghar aaja pardesi; exhausist; Vardini's hindi; My bengali lessons; looking for orion; doubles cycling; eating out every weekend; discussing MM; going for shopppppppping; uncontrollable laughter in mess; world cup final; the round-round cycling; and many many more which I dont recollect now... and much much more to come... Just a word of thanks to these 'awesome' people for entering my life and making my stay in IISc so 'awesome' and memorable. Words are not the best way to express emotions but they are still better than being silent.

Heard the familiar tune.....

It starts from the eyes... travels all the way down to the dear hearty and affects the top commander. Growing up is certainly a very complicated task to do. I pretended to stop myself, but never really tried sincerely. My initial hesitant 'secret stares' have now change to a 'shameless open eyed look'. I dont care the presence of 100 more people around me, the one face gets all the attention. I laugh at myself but still consider it an achievement.

It started out on the fun side. More than anything else, it was an act that was making me to stick to mess food and was cutting down on the expenses. The few glances were making it possible to gobble up the nothing-to-eat (sometimes literally) food. It gave my brain a new occupation, to find out some details of the concerned subject and to bring out the sleeping 'Nancy Drew' within me. The more I learnt, the more I wanted to. It is now a constant topic of discussion in my group and U bet my friends are getting really pissed off with this topic, essentially because they see no 'future' here.


When I was small, I learnt this proverb "think before u leap". This is one of my ever favourites and these words are litterally embedded in my heart. I think so so damn hard that each time I decide with taking the leap, I will get back to the thinking part and the process goes on. Its hard to tell when am gonna take the leap, or rather, If am ever gonna take a leap.... U c.... am still thinking. Its good to take risks sometimes but then am a little too protective about myself.

No two people can ever be fully compatible and if am to look for someone just like me, I need to end up settling up with my own reflection (which wil be left-handed, unlike me). But when the differences reach the level of language, culture and eating habits, I dont think it will be the best decision to go for it. But sometimes there are no choices. As of now am going with the flow and having my share of fun. It 'feels good' and thats what I feel is important for me now. I got a new reason to stick to this place, to eat the food in the mess and something to look forward to. Let optimism rock and if it doesnt work, there is always a "Better luck next time" ;)