Ah! Well... I am feeling a little low on life. No 'one' particular reason as such, just that some unplanned/out-of-the box incidents has shaken up the smooth sailing boat of my life. Why is it that things don't work the way I want it to? How did I got so weak on my emotions that I couldn't figure out what am doing? 'I' the head-strong girl who always stood by her plans, who could always discriminate the right n wrong things, who so proudly used to say 'I don't do the wrong things'... I hated seeing myself going so weak.
No I haven't committed a crime to be feeling so guilty about. Am not feeling guilty about my act but am feeling bad about the 'wrong timing'. "I didn't want it at this time" that was what I said right after telling HIM those 3 words....!! Well yeah!!
Don't scroll down expecting a filmy love-story... sorry to disappoint you but nothing interesting is cooking up. I didn't convey that to get to hear the sweet-nothings from him. Rather very frankly speaking, I don't know why I did that. But as if that was not all, I didn't even try to get to know the response. How damn idiotic! You know what, I feel like shouting at myself "Get a hold girl! what are you upto?" n very unfortunately, I don't have an answer to that question. Its not in my hands. Damn! What have I done!
So now that I have messed up my life good enough to be trying to resolve things, I have decided not to let myself go low. Time for some positive thinking n to 'feel good'. What has happened, is past and past cant be remade. So now, how to feel good? I have seen people doing weird acts when they go low. Ayushi generally 'eats' like a mini monster when she feels low. Seriously, she can eat anything to everything during her off moods. But that never works for me. Rather I personally lose interest in eating during my low time but yeah I get on to cooking n I cook exceptionally well during my off-moods. The worst the mood is, the better the food is :)
My general golden rule during such days will be to take so much of work in hand that I get no time to even 'feel' low. But I realized that when I do that, am in a way punishing myself for no good reason. Rather in general people take a break during such time. But a break at this time with semester exams on head and entrance exams to give? Doesn't sound like a good idea right? So then what else can I do? Yeah listening to peppy music did help but that was very short-lived. I changed all the retro sad songs in my play-list with unbearable loud rock music, but that's only causing me a headache and doing no good.
My mom have this bad habit of whining and crying during her mood offs but I don't like to dramatize and seek attention so I don't do that. Dad generally go out (donno where exactly) but am too lazy n low in confidence to roam about alone so I cant even do that. Bro watches those stupid cricket matches or cartoons in TV the whole day when ever he feels low but am not a TV person, rather if am to be precise, I hardly watch TV for 10 min a day in general. One of my cousin used to take up the car and go on drive when upset. But am too miserly a person to waste money on petrol for such stupid reason. I have seen people crying out on phone to friends... well... I don't feel like doing that too.
Though am absolutely normal while talking with my friends and during all other activities but still I feel something from inside is pulling me down to stop... think... and to get a hold of things. I feel like talking and discussing the matter in a brighter light but then am not sure if it will untangle the maze or will make the scenario worst. As of now, I cant say am sad. No am not sad or disappointed but am just feeling a little low. I have always felt that these emotions, sentiments... all such humanly feelings bring down the net efficiency of doing work. If I were not a human, I would have been so much more efficient than what am now.
Oh! I started diverting from the topic. So I was to feel good right? Nirula's hot chocolate fudge didn't do its magic on me n neither are the long walks helping. Books seems to have lost charm and PJ's don't tickle my humor cells anymore. I have stopped passing on my sweet smile and look lost these days. My 'sparkling' eyes look so dull that I don't stand in front of the mirror. Am trying my level best to boost up my spirits and working hard to feel good. Tried the 'look good, feel good' policy but that too in vain. Blogging was my last option so am looking onto it. Guess am tending towards depression but I cant let myself go down.
I bet I wont be sounding so low in my next blog post. I will cheer up myself. Please put in ur feel good factors and I will sure try them out for myself.
.jpe)
