NO Kidding!!!!!!

Another post dedicated to my Darling Didi (first being ‘Magic Show – July 2006).

Way back some three years ago was the marriage of my cousin Bhaiya in Delhi with my Gujrati Bhabhi… details will make way for another post so I will chuck it for the moment. It was for this marriage that my Didi was flying from US with her baby who was 7 month old that time. For long my friends knew her as the ‘Didi with the Baby’ till once Shibu asked me, “doesn’t the baby have a name?” I said “Yeah! Rishi…”!

U c am kindda allergic to babies.. they irritate me. The thing which comes to my mind on seeing them will be ‘yucks’!! When I got to know about my Didi’s coming back, I was thrilled n wanted to be the first one to see her. She was coming to India first time after marriage. But to my dismay, she was landing on Mumbai (her in-laws r there). My mother explained to me that priorities change after marriage.. “Ya! Sure!!”. She came to Delhi one month after her coming to India. Though I was very angry, I still went to receive her in the airport n there I saw her in XXL size with this baby in her hand… I felt… is this really my Didi??!!!

Through out the way from airport to home, she was constantly pampering that fellow n didn’t even talk to me properly. Back home, she nicely put her baby on my bed (without my permission) n was busy taking care of it. I was waiting for her to unpack n give me my chocolates n to the height of my disappointment, she didn’t get any! She said she exceeded the allowed weight n had to pay extra for the luggage. Moreover, she had to carry so many baby products that there was seriously no space. “My chocolates replaced by this fellow’s diapers?!!! How on earth am I supposed to react to this?????!!!!”

There started a cold war between me this nephew of mine. I never touched him or played with him… never felt like. In college, my friends were pretty surprised with my behavior but they knew am not fond of these little fellows. Back home it was my grandmother who was seriously afraid n kept asking my mother “eval yeen ipdi panara?” (why is she doing like this). My mother knew am always like this. It was not a personal enmity with that baby, this is what I do to all babies. Even before this baby was guilty of my chocolates being replaced by his diapers or snatching away my nick name ‘chotu’ from me, I didn’t like him.

It so happened on the day of my cousin’s marriage that my Didi was seriously busy. U c in Tamil Iyer Marriages, the groom’s sister got a very important role. Its not the groom, but the groom’s sister who ties the tali (mangalsutra). Even otherwise my Didi was very busy throughout the ceremony with one thing or the other n the baby was flipping in different hands…! I was standing there in the temple day-dreaming, when my Didi came hurriedly with her baby in one hand n a huge plate in another. She called me n said “hold him”! She said it so sternly, that I was taken aback n before I realized, her baby landed on my hands. She left immediately n I shouted from back “what am I supposed to do with this creature?”. I bet if she had even 1 second, she would have slapped me for that! But she left me alone with this creature n went away.

I didn’t knew how to hold a baby so I sat down n made him sit on my lap. There was no one around n this baby was lost in his own world. Fortunately he didn’t cry n I was thinking “y is he not crying? After all he is with a stranger!” but I guess that was the effect of the good old proverb ‘blood is thicker than water’. When I was sure no one is seeing, I started exploring this baby. I peeped into his small ears to see if it is was like mine n yeah it was.. rather his was more cute! His nose was really small n his toes were like small little dots!! He was so soft that I was glad my didi carried the ‘baby cream for him :) ’ I measured him with my hands n he was just as long as my hands were… I was wondering how he will reach my height???

I slowly got up n tried holding him in different positions n settled with the position we were most comfortable with. Then I started walking slowly. He was feeling sleepy n yawned. I tried patting his back (seen in movies). He slowly put his arms around my neck n before I realized, he closed his eyes peacefully. I was really touched. It was like we are friends now! I softly sang my fav song “raravenu” (carnatic song) while patting his back lightly n walking slowly… n he slept. I smiled to c him sleeping in my arms. It was then when my Didi came back n she didn’t show her surprise. She smiled n said “so u both r friends now?”. I said “I guess so… can u click us?”. She rushed back to get her camera (before I change my mind), in the mean time I woke up the little lad so that I can set his hair for the ‘perfect Kodak moment’.

I don’t know how will Rishi react when he reads this post… he he.. am sure he wont be very happy to know how his ‘Maasi’ treated him… but I guess he will understand. Rishi will turn 4 this year n my Didi is expecting her second baby in Aug-Sep. and guess what? Another of my cousin Bhaiya is grooming up for getting married. But this time when my Didi comes to attend the wedding with her second child, am sure I will be more comfortable ;)

THE Tag of 50

I stopped by this post of ‘TAG of 50’ in a blog that I follow and found it nice. The author then tagged me and so here it goes…

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Gotta ask Dad, he was the one who named me :)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Yesterday night!! No reasons there, just felt like crying..

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
YES!! I think my handwriting is very cute.. small n neat

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Am a full time vegetarian!

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Nope

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Sure! I would have felt blessed to have a friend like me ;)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
At-times, when am in a mood for that.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I was to get it operated when I was small, but then the prob got sorted so I didn’t undergo the operation. So I still have it there.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Y not?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL
Wheat anytime!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Never.

12. IF YOU WERE TO PICK YOU OWN FIRST NAME, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I don’t see any prob with mine. Its short n sweet. I guess I would have chosen the same.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Butterscotch n chocolate… a combo would rock!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their Zodiac..!! Physically talking, their height.

15. RED OR PINK?
Neither

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF
I cry a lot!!

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
uh… uh… Do I really need to answer that?

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Sure!! Its fun :)

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey tracks n black slippers.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
”tere bina jiya nahi jaye” (fuzon) in my music player.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
GREEN!!! Any doubts?

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
I love d smell of Jasmin

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Lemme see… My brother. He was in market n wanted to know if I want to have chips.

25. HOW DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU
It was Iya, I follow her blog. She writes well.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Volleyball.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Black. I wish mom allows me to colour them.

28. EYE COLOR?
Black

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. I prefer my specks which I wear only to college.

30. FAVORITE FOODS?
I love Chinese!!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I don’t watch horror. So have to settle for the other.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Delhi 6. On my cable tv. Saw only the after interval part.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
White t-shirt. My Sunday special :)

34. SUMMER OR WINTER
Summer anytime!! I hate winters, gotta wear so much of cloths.. lol..!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES
Hugs.

36. DESCRIBE YOUR PENCIL CUP
wait, I wil go n get it n then describe. Its red n black in colour with the pic of ‘statue of liberty’ on it. I just noticed, most of the pen in that r running short of ink!!

38. FAVORITE ARTIST(s)?
I don’t think I have any favorites there other than Rehman!

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Its been long since I read any book other than my dear Physics books!!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don’t have a mouse pad!! I had one, it got tore off n I didn’t get a new one as yet. Lazy me!!

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I saw TV last night, I guess I finished off with a tamil movie.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
sound? I used to love my cycle’s bell’s ring.. !!

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Heard neither!

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
k.m wise its Kanya kumari… but I took my home along with me when I went.. lol.. I mean I went with my family. But alone I have gone twice to Mt. Abu n once to Nainetal.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
all the talents I have are special for me :) u c am a talented girl!!!

46. WHERE WERE U BORN?
In Delhi. My mother's family is totally in Delhi.

47. FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY?
Anklets. I don’t have a collection, but I will make a huge collection once I start earning.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Haven’t met yet.

49. FAVORITE SONG?
That’s a huge list. But current fav is ‘Masakali’.

50.Favorite Musical?
I find ‘veena’ damn melodious.

That is the end of the questionnaire. Now I want all the readers to copy paste it onto ur blog n answer for urself. I would love to know more about u. I tag u…

What to Pray???

I just came back from a very sudden ‘hushy n rushy’ trip to Chennai… this trip was not one of the usual trip down south with 10-15 temples to visit to, with 10-15 suits to get stitched (tailor’s r damn cheap there down south!), with 10-15 friends to meet n a big shopping list… this trip was altogether different. Rather it wasn’t a trip, but a visit.

Last Sunday after a talk with my grandma (Paati as I call her) over the phone, I realized that she is seriously not well. Yeah she was admitted in hospital twice in the last 3 months but still dad never said its something serious. But this time it was. They sent her back home n she wasn’t well. Now what do that mean? Have they given all the hopes? U see mid-sem is definitely not ‘the best’ time to travel to Chennai and I didn’t really knew whether we should go or not. I mean my dad’s brother (taayaji or periappa as I call him) said she is fine and there is no pressing emergency in visiting her now. But I told mom that my internal exams will start off after next week and that I seriously cant leave Delhi till May!

Mom felt May is a long way to go and asked me if I can miss college for a week. But I had a new lab on Monday. I said if the new experiment works on Monday, then maybe I can leave. Am kindda obsessed with my labs and never like to keep lab work pending. Theory classes are still fine, I can take notes later. More-over I needed time; all of a sudden I can’t leave for a week! Fortunately the experiment started off well on Monday n I felt at-ease. Dad came home a little late on Monday n rushed to get the tickets for the next day. Dad was overworked and said he will go next week so it was me, mom n Bhai going. When the tickets arrived at 8, we started off with the packing. Took out the summer dresses from the store, u c they were all nicely packed and kept aside.

We had to catch the night 10’o clock train on Tuesday so I went off to college in the morning. I had class till 3:30 which means I will reach home by 5. But I need time to bake a cake for her. Oh she simply loves cake!! But if I tell mom, she will never approve. Cake = sugar + butter = sweet = calorie = not good for her. But I knew this might be the last time am seeing her! I just couldn’t stay in the college after 12. I had to go home and bake the cake before mom arrives. So I left college early, threw away my bag n started off with the cake making process. And it came out well :)

Mom came home at 5 n started off with the food packing for the travel. There was no clue of cake around. When dad was packing the air-bag, I slowly got the cake-box n to my surprise I found my mom with a box of ‘gajar ka halwa’. Well well… I told mom “if u had told me u r gonna make that, I wouldn’t have missed my classes!!!” n to that she said “I thought u will not allow”. I smiled ‘like daughter – like mother’.

We reached Chennai-central on Thursday morning. Train was late by 2 hrs. We went to the nearby park station n caught the local train to St. Thomas Mount from where my Periappa picked us up. I was the first one to enter the house and there she was smiling and looking as Perfect as ever. She didn’t seem to have had any problem at all. In her usual form she asked how our journey was, what we had on the way, howz studies going, howz the climate in Delhi… all her usual queries. But hold on! Wasn’t it me who should be enquiring about her? Well I didn’t really have the guts. I was happy to c her cheerful sitting in front of me. I don’t wanna know what happened to her or even how she is feeling. When I got out the cake-box she was so happy!! Yeah she was happy with the ‘gajar ka halwa’ too but I think she was happier coz of the cake.

After lunch when I was talking to Periappa, he explained that Paati got 3 blocks in her heart. And Angioplasty isn’t a good option as doctor feels she won’t be able to take it n might collapse in the operation theater. I some-how was feeling very uneasy when this talk was going. I somehow didn’t want to get the details. Its not that I don’t understand these technical terms, I have been a bio student till 12^th so I could have understood if I wanted, but it’s just that I didn’t want. I went back to my Paati who was peacefully sleeping that time. Good for her.

That night I made the dinner. Dum-alu and parantha. She always loves north Indian food and this dish was from the Northest part, Kashmir. She said oil n spicy food both r banned for her. I said I can chuck one thing, either oil or spices n she settled with the later. Well she did get slight fever that night but she didn’t complain. Next day she insisted on us going out somewhere. But we wanted to spend time with her!! She was feeling bad that we have come al the way to Chennai and didn’t do any of our usual things so she called a taxi and sent us off to beach. My favvvvvvvvvvv place!! She knew what beach visits mean to me and am glad she sent us. Yeah it did subtract the 4 hrs we could have spent with her but still we enjoyed. Sitting in the beach I was wondering if I will get to visit it again. U c, my Paati is the last connection I have with Chennai. And if something happens to her, my last connection with my so called native place is gone. Am not very fascinated with that ‘early city’ as I call it, but then I will surly miss my roots n of course this beach!!!

We had to catch next day train at 6 n Periappa gave us the deadline 4:30 to leave the house. Mom got up at 2:30 to make n pack food. I got up at 3:00 n believe me, it was for the first time I really hoped we miss the train! We were done with the packing by 4:00 but as per his deadline my Periappa got ready at 4:30. That 30 min I n Bhai were sitting next to Paati. There was so much to speak but we both remained quite. We asked her to come to Delhi with us. She is not allowed to travel now but before also she didn’t come coz she don’t want to leave that place. We understood how much she is attached to south. I tried my best to hold my tears. My Paati was sitting holding our hands. She is not a very senti lady n knows how to control her emotions. I tried learning from her. When it was time for us to leave, mom asked us to do the usual ‘namaskaram’ (Touch her feet). When I did, she said “Nalla padichu, narriya marks waange, Happyaa iru” (Study well, Get lots of marks and be happy). Yeah she knows what will make me happy. She put ‘vibuthi’ in our forehead and we left.

On the way to the station, I just couldn’t stop myself and started crying. I guess there is something seriously wrong with my eye-muscle. I guess they r weak and that’s y I can never hold my tears. I will get them checked soon. I hid my face, pretending to be looking out of the window. While I was trying to control myself I came across this church “New-Life Church”… another turn and there was another church on which it was written “Jesus …. (something) Hope” it was then when I realized that I didn’t pray anything for my Paati. It is something unusual of me. I always have a list of things to pray for. I realized there is no point asking for a long life for her, coz it’s sad to see her suffering each day. But then I can’t either pray for her to recover soon coz there isn’t one disease for her to recover from. Obviously she can’t get back to her 70’s. She is 80+! I don’t know what to pray for! I just wish she lives a happy life if not more. I don’t know what more I can do for her or to pray for her. I know she will leave me and go and when ever that day comes, its gonna be terrible. Whenever….!!

This month has been the worst month for me in my 20 years of life. I have never undergone so much emotional torture all these years. I just hope to see a lighter side of life in coming time after all I got my exams next month!!!

D Artist in ME...

While going through an artistic blog today, I felt like displaying my artistic talents in my page. Although am not a trained painter, I did invest some precious years of my life practicing glass painting.

When I was in 2^nd class, I started off with drawing classes (as a hobby class). I didn’t had a proper drawing teacher in school. The first thing I learnt to draw was a ‘colorful tree’ and my drawing madam got an insight of my talent! There was this drawing competition in some school in Kalkaji (South Delhi) in which my dad wanted me to participate. When my mom told my drawing teacher a week ago, she decided to teach me to draw an ‘Elephant’ coz according to her, I could manage a house, tree, diwali, scenery, etc. etc.

I somehow really liked the ‘Elephant’ I drew and I was silently hoping to get to draw that in the competition, after all I was practicing for the whole week! My mom accompanied me to the school and when I took out my chit the topic was “My Mother”. I was disappointed. But never the less, I decided to draw my ‘Elephant’ first. I didn’t knew how to draw human figures that time but dad had taught me ‘stick’ drawing. I made my Grey Elephant and draw a ‘stick’ lady with long hair on top of it! I remember when I came out and told my mom, she had a heartily laugh. Of course I didn’t win!

After that once when I was in 4^th or 5^th class, I had gone to some place to attend a ‘children’s party’ during Christmas with mom, dad n my brother. There was a drawing competition organized there of which I wasn’t aware of before. I didn’t even had my crayons with me but mom insisted me to participate. I really wasn’t in the mood to leave the party and sit to draw. But since mom forced me, I borrowed a pencil from someone and started drawing. It was an open topic and I drew scenery. I didn’t want to stay back for the results, I wanted to go back to the party but mom made me wait. They started with the constellation prize which I didn’t get n I wanted to run back. Mom was holding me tight n guess what??? I got the FIRST prize for that!!!! I was so surprised that I actually asked them ‘why am I getting this’? The judge told me that I had made the picture very neatly and she was impressed!!! Well… so was I :)

Winning a prize made me feel like the female M.F.Hussain and I started drawing (/scribbling) on A4 size papers (mom got a whole packet for me) and started pasting that all over the house. My dad is very fussy about the house walls and he really didn’t like that. He nailed a huge chart paper in the ‘drawing room’ and asked me to paste all my drawings only in that. But I didn’t like it coz I had to replace the old once to make space for the new once. It was then when I came to know about ‘glass painting’ from a cousin of mine who had joined classes for that in summer vacations. He told me that in ‘glass painting’ all he had to do is to get a glass sheet which he keeps on top of any picture and then with a brush he just needed to draw the out-line of the picture. He got special colours for that which were costlier than the usual water colours.

My house interior doors got glass sheets and I tried ‘glass painting’ with my water colours. I drew a flower first and it actually looked good! Well then there was no looking back. I drew… drew… drew… it was fun and easy!!! I could easily rub off with a wet duster as I was using only water colours. Dad was also happy coz it was a part of ‘interior decoration’ :)

I just clicked a few of those pictured from my mobile phone. Resolution of my camera is just 1.3 MB so pics wont be very clear but then they didn’t come out badly too!! As a friend of mine once said ‘mobile phones are not meant for photography’ but still… If I get a digital camera, I will replace these pics.

Thanksgiving.....

A topic which I kept so low and silent all these years…. I don’t know suddenly from where I got the courage to talk about it! I don’t know how long I can keep this post in my page but I seriously hope I never need to delete it off.

Am not gonna name him or give any kind of hints here but will definitely make sure that I convey my feelings… we started off together to explore life but he went a bit too fast and am left behind! Am certainly not writing it under the frustration of losing him forever but yeah it sure feels a little bad.

We met today for lunch. Though I had planned a lot more which didn’t happen, I was glad he turned up, after making me wait for 2 hrs. Well I told myself “don’t worry, u r used to it!” It wasn’t a ‘Date’ for sure but just two friends meeting up for lunch to spend some quality time together. After placing the order, the usual chit-chat began and it was going pretty good till this February side-effect started and he started off with his ‘crushes… proposals… n girls’. I wish I had never known his ideas on this topic… I wish! I wish! I wish!!! But now its too late… I wish we had never spoken about this! I wish! I wish! I wish!!!

We were never on the same boat… if it is East for me, it ought to be West for him always! But the point which shocked me was to see him going so cheap on girls that too in front of a girl! No am not here to project him as a ‘moron’ or a ‘villan’…. He is still a ‘hero’ for me and will remain one forever! Imagine a guy (more importantly your friend!!!) flaunting in front of u saying ‘girls just need security in life’, ‘if a guy expresses it in anyway that the girl means a lot to him, then the girl will fall into the trap’. He says there is no such thing like ‘true love’ and at the end of everything it’s just getting physical that matters! It was very difficult for me to keep my cool and to listen to all that, but then I reminded my self that I had invited him! Its not that he don’t have regrets for what he do… but then he said ‘if not now, then when?’ I didn’t understand ‘why should that be there, in the first place’ I mean flirting is not a law in the constitution that one has to abide to!

I tried to explain that our family background and the ethics that we are being brought up with doesn’t really give enough space for all this… he accepted that he is finding it difficult to face his parents at-times… but still…. Why??? I mean ‘fun is fun’ till others are not affected by it… but when it comes to so many people and their precious emotions, how can one be so casual about it??? If I had heard all this from someone else, I would have never believed it. But now I have no choice. He was there sitting in front of me saying all this. His ideas and thought made him sound really cheap. I know am dramatizing, but the further he said, the more I wished him to stop!

When the topic turned to me, I told him that I do have a liking towards a person but didn’t tell him the name. Though I had decided that I will tell him when I see him, but u c the things we discussed really left me confused! I didn’t want to take any step for which I will need to regret later or for which I need to feel sorry. He made me think hard!!! He was obvious that he has absolutely ‘no feelings’ for me. He sees me as a friend and am glad he does! Or else things would have gotten more complicated I guess…. He advised me to let ‘that guy’ know my feelings so that I feel light hearted. I told myself “light hearted uh??!!” After spending about 2 hrs we finally decided to wind up. I rushed back to my class and he was off after a good bye handshake!

Back in class when I told Ayushi all that happened, she was surely not very happy! We were reaching home when I suddenly took out my mobile and typed a message “I don’t know if I should let u know this, d guy I was talking about is YOU. Note - am not proposing you or expecting an answer. Its just that I wanted you to know. Lets not discuss it ever again. Hope u understand!!”. I showed it to Ayu before sending and she said “NO”!!!! I looked at the message, closed my eyes and sent it…………..

Silence… silence… we both didn’t realize what happened for some time!! It took him 7 min and 24 seconds to reply back “u have me as a frd always”. Those 7 min and 24 seconds were as if “we are waiting for our results” (In Ayu’s words!). But I kindda felt proud of myself and wanted to pat my shoulders for doing something I never ever expected from me. I don’t regret my act… coz if I had, I wouldn’t be writing it here!! I actually felt light-hearted and am really very happy. I can’t deny the fact that a tear just came rolling down when am typing, but that’s not coz of any regret!

I have him as a friend and am happy for that. He is a very nice person who will stand by me in my ‘blue-days’. I know I can trust him blindly and he really respects me a lot. A person can’t be judged based on his ideas about a particular topic right? After all in this world no two ppl can think alike or have similar ideas. What seems right to me need not be right for others but that surely doesn’t put them in “wrong” category. I realized that its just that we wont click coz our ideas don’t match but that’s not gonna put an end to our friendship! Am glad he is my friend and am very proud of him. Today’s lunch I will call a thanksgiving for making me realize a lot of things which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise! Am happy for myself :)

Neha Sourav......

This post is dedicated to two of my best friends from college… Neha and Sourav… I don’t know why I never say Sourav and Neha… though Sourav was my lab partner in 1st year and those days I almost never talked to Neha. I guess u must have guessed as yet that there is something seriously cooking between these two, or else I wouldn’t have started off naming them together.

Well… these two were born on 16th October 1987 and fortunately Sourav dropped in hours before Neha! Yeah… they both share the same date of birth till 8th digit (as Neha always proudly used to say!!!) Their combined birthday party used to be a grand celebration and a big treat for us!!!

I will write about Mr. Sourav Guha Roy first coz I befriended him first. I remember it was the day of our admission when I had gone to college with my dad. Sitting in a corner with his mother was this guy in red t-shirt with spiked hair (gelled too I guess). A big grown up full size male sitting besides his mother for admission, well it was certainly not what I expected as a preview of ‘college’ on the day of admission… but whatever… that was sweet! When college started, we were shown a lab and there we were told to work on experiments in groups of 3. Since there were no acquaintances, our teachers decided to divide us according to our roll-numbers. That was when I was paired with Sourav and Abhishek (Lamba wala). I remember 3 of us were sitting in one bench (me thinking ‘kahaan phas gaye’) when Sourav said ‘hi’ and we started talking. We were allotted our first experiment and sir asked us to do some research on the topic given. I headed for the library right away when Sourav said ‘tum log karlena… am going to canteen’. I remember I was FUMING with anger!!! I really hated him the first day! That lamba wala Abhishek was still better, didn’t do anything but at-least he accompanied me to library and passed me the books on the top rack. Lamba wala Abhishek was very irregular to college, so mostly it was me and Sourav doing experiments. Sourav sings really well and I too love to sing esply when in lab. Though most of the time I would be stuck to one line, which really used to irritate Sourav a lot, but still he never minded singing along. We were very fast in our experiments and would complete before anyone else (with hell lot of manipulations of course! ;)) I remember Sourav did an experiment (kepler’s pendulum) in my absence once and he gor very accurate results... so accurate that our Agam Sir was dead sure that he had manipulated (though he hadn't) n we had to repeat that !!!

I used to notice Sourav starring at Neha in middle of doing experiments, but then I never thought it was something so important to notice. I used to see them exchanging letters and I think I saw Sourav crying once. But u see I was a bit dumb those days… these things I understand very late… you see this subject is not as easy as physics is! I didn’t realize what was going on between them till one day Ayushi told me explicitly that they both like each-other.

Coming to Miss. Neha Sengupta, a small… little… chubby… chulbuli kinda girl, full of life and masti. She rocked the fresher’s party and the ragging session with the dance on a peppy song from ‘Bunty aur Bubli’. She was no less than Rani Mukherjee!!! First impression – Baap re!!! kya ladki hai!!! I was horrified to see her dancing in front of the whole class with just 2 students known to her (from her school, one incidentally her cousin). I preferred to maintain distance with her. Not my type! I don’t really remember exactly when my ideology towards her changed… and before I realized, she was my best friend! She suddenly seemed to be the most intelligent, matured and sensible person in the world who was my secret strength! She could read me like a book… she was so understanding and sweetttttt!!!!!

It was the fest of our department and I was the JT. Secretary of our physics society when we were asked to make many posters and charts and that was when I saw how damn creative Neha was. I mean she was just amazing!! And the amount of head-work she had put, really impressed me thoroughly. In second year, I was elected the Vice-president and I was the in charge of the fest. I will end up writing a 1000 page novel if I start off with the fest details but other than tortures… tensions… tears… fears… disappointments… excitements… achievements… satisfaction… thrill… fun… etc. etc. I got a few precious friends who actually stood by me… and these two belong to that class! Sourav took half the burden off me by taking some of the major responsibilities like arrangements of sponsorship, posters, flowers etc. etc. and Neha was sure there to guide me carefully through each step. Though these two didn’t had a post for themselves, the dedication and the hard work they put in was simply out of the world. I felt blessed and really really lucky to have them by my side and I will ever be grateful to both of them for everything they did for me!

They both celebrate their ‘temporary anniversary’ on 13th September. I didn’t knew about it in first year but in the second year it was a high class drama. I remember Sourav had ordered a cake in the nearby bakery and he asked me, Shibu n Avek to collect it and get it to the resto ‘colonel’s special’ (in front of our college). Megha got a DVD writted with romantic songs (all English so I didn’t really understand much). As far as I remember Sourav gifted a ring I guess… n chocolates too. We were all so despo to eat that yummy black-forest cake (1 KG!!!). Their treats were ever fantastic… let it be their birthday or anniversary… it used to be simply awesome. We used to get a share of the chocolates Sourav used to get for Neha… and I remember Neha used her college locker to keep cards, gifts etc while ours will be running short of space with so many books!!! In third year on their birthday, I was on the way to college when Sourav asked me to get a bouquet of 5 flowers for her… and I remembered I asked so many doubts that am sure he would have thought ‘kisse bol rahaan hoon!’. I called up Ayu n Shibu for help n together we got 2 red, 2 yellow and a white flower. It was a bit colorful but a nice bouquet… and Neha liked it!

Best things used to be those days sitting in canteen, and me and Neha sharing the hottest gossips around… the word ‘gossip’ used to bring color into Neha’s face and Sourav used to get so irritated with that! Initially he used to feel a bit uncomfortable when we do our girly-girly talks but then he got used to it soon (didn’t had a choice!) Watching movies was something very regular that time. We really had an amazing time in Mt.Abu where we went on a college trip and the video game parlor (near the hotel we checked in) was the best thing to have had there! How can I not mention that I won the car race against Sourav when we went to Appu Ghar (fantasy park).

Its really difficult to summarize all that happened in 3 years in one post… but am posting all this so that I can cherish at-least some special moments when I re-read it after say 5 or 6 years later. Am really proud of them and am glad that they are my friends. I pray to god that they should always be happy and together… They are a lovely couple [TOUCH WOOD].

“PERFECT”

Virgo = Perfection.

Sounds so good… extraordinary… nice… just.. just.. Perfect! But what is this perfection all about… read on and you will realize.

I never realized but for today, that am turning into a psycho with an obsession to be perfect in every field. Am not too sure if it is happening coz I have read it in a lot of books that ‘Virgo symbolizes perfection’ or its coz ‘Virgo symbolizes perfection’.

My mom used to mention that I had high fever 2 days before my ‘nursery exams’ and I still get fever before my exams. Imagine a 4 yr old kid, what can she know about exams…?

I don’t know y but I have been one of those ‘serious nerd’ kind of person since day 1. I have never learn to take things lightly or as to say, sportively. I cry for no good reason, I cant stand criticism, I hate to hear people talking ill things about me, I hate to be in lime-light coz if a person is in lime-light all the qualities are highlighted… positive is good but when it comes to negative, well I cant stand!

When it comes to my hobbies, I don’t really treat them as ‘hobbies’. When I used to go to dance classes, a hobby class, I used to behave as if its my profession and used to give it al the time and energy and concentration that it deserves. That 2 hr class twice a week used to be like a dance performance on the stage for me. Not that I used to dance so well, the thing is I used to take so much of tension that I used to feel exhausted at the end of the class… everything should be perfect… I should not even take a drinks break… I should dance… dance… and dance… !!! I realize now that I had gone there to enjoy myself and that was something I never did! I mean I never relaxed!!

Music classes were no better… even with a really bad bad throat, I never missed classes… though all my teachers were very happy with me always for taking things so damn seriously, but then it was a hobby class after all and I was not doing any professional course so as to say! During summer vacations, I used to do lots of paintings, but then again that used to be an extreme for me… I used to draw the whole day non-stop. I never learnt to relax!

Till school days it was fine, but now with higher studies and so much pressure, I fell I should seriously learn to relax! Yesterday I decided to go on a walk to relax. I left home at 8. Believe me, I came back home at 1!!!! I don’t know why I over-do things? I don’t know why am I like this. After a long chat with an old friend today, I realized there is something wrong with me. Am not normal anymore, or was I never normal? I mean why is it so important for me to be good to others even when am hurting myself for that?

I think am a bloody selfish person who just wants to be appreciated by one and all and that’s why I try to do anything and everything to make others happy… even if its out of the best of my abilities. But its always not like that, I do help people behind the screen too. Is helping other’s that bad a practice? But why should I take other’s problem in my hand when my hands are full with mine! Why cant I just mind my own work?

They say to err is human, then even a perfect human can make mistakes. Cant he? So what’s the BIG DEAL if I take wrong decisions? Why do I keep on asking myself so many questions before taking a step forward? When will I learn to relax and to do what my heart truly says? Enough of it now… enough of thinking… now it’s the time to act. My behavior and nature is making me sick and pathetic! Am glad that at-last I realize today after writing so much that there is a problem which need to be sorted out.

Now I can work on myself with a better understanding of self. And am sure u guys will help me come out of my problems.

Miss.Understanding

“I didn’t mean like that…”

“U always take me wrong…”

“Gosh! U think I did it purposely??”

“I swear, I didn’t had the least idea this will happen…”

…..

….

…

..

“How can U ever think like that?”

“Am sorry, never meant to hurt u.”

“I least expected u to be reacting like this……….”

sounds so much familiar right??

Each one of us do need to use such sentences at-least once a month n at-max, much more frequently… either to friend, or parents, teachers, neighbors... n who not!

I always feel am damn misunderstood whenever things go wrong. Is it possible? I mean is it that am always misunderstood, or is it that I always do wrong things?

I don’t like to say sorry… n esply for a thing which is not wrong (from my point of view). But what am I supposed to do when am wrong from someone else’s point of view? I don’t feel ‘sorry’ when I know am not wrong… is it any use using the word ‘sorry’ in such situations too??? It happened so many times…. mom would be scolding me for getting up at 6:30 n not at 6. But I would be knowing that I was studying till 2 last night n wont feel sorry for what I did… n moreover I wont even tell mom I was awoke so late last night, maybe coz of my ego or something.. I don’t know... but am not sorry…

Am I arrogant? Am I a bad girl who doesn’t listen to her parents? Am I such a ‘head-weighed’ girl who won’t even apologize for the so-called mistake of hers? I mean… can that 30 min I kept sleeping change my mother’s feeling for me?

Me and one of my (best) friend Ayushi once went to give viva together on a subject. Though we both went together, sir didn’t ask her even one question n kept on asking ‘me’ questions. Initially I though he wil b asking me first n then later her… maybe… but he kept on addressing me n was asking questions. Soon I realized that he is towards the end n he didn’t even ask her one question. Wat am I supposed to do? If I don’t answer sir’s question and look at her, then sir wil think I don’t know the answer. And if I don’t give her a chance, then she might get lesser marks for not answering anything, is it my mistake??????? I never asked sir to point out at me and ask questions. When we were finished with the viva and came out of the room, she was very cross with me and didn’t talk to me properly. Like I said, I didn’t really felt I was wrong so didn’t felt like saying sorry to her… but then I can’t afford to lose her… so I said sorry… was I right? I mean wats the meaning of saying sorry when I don’t really mean it?

Once during exam, a class-mate of mine, Nisha walked past my seat n took away my answer sheet. She was coping when m’am caught her n all my explanations went void. My favorite teacher, knowing me very well, accused me of cheating! Misunderstood once more…

Me and my bro were traveling by bus once to a park. Its wasn’t one of those ‘heavily crowded’ bus but was not empty either. When my stop neared I got up n my bro was still sitting. Though he saw me getting up, he didn’t got up n I thought when I get down, he too will. I got down n he was still sitting in the bus. The bus took him away. I was a little casual n though I wil call him up in his cell n wil ask him to get down in the next stop. I called up n mom picked up the phone n to my dismay he had left the phone at home. Was it my mistake? I mean did I purposely not ask him to get down to make sure that he gets lost?

I can go on giving examples. But that not the point. Even u guys can put up 10000++ examples like these but where is the solution? We all face situations like these but how should we react?? Misunderstanding… a word I worst fear of…

ATLAST…………..

It feels so good to blog again after a bigggggggg time holidays I took for myself... he he... With hundreds of things to blog (pending since the last article), I don’t know if I’ll be writing al of them... but today am gonna write. It’s not that I have become al that busy, but some how I guess I just couldn’t sit to write. Its not that I ran short of idea or things to write, but its just that … I don’t know... I don’t know y I didn’t write for so long. Should have! But today after a really long time I said “Shruti, u have to do it today” enough of writing practical record files, finishing notes, completing tutorial sheets, studying for vivas… etc. etc. but am glad am sitting here prepared to spend the whole day blogging today. well u can say that its my way of celebrating the “postpone of my internal exams by a week”. Well that reminds me... I have still not updated about my current course.

Well at present am doing Masters In Science (M.Sc) in Physics. And believe me, am loving it!! Well things are not really tough my side but daily traveling up n down to college is worning me out! U know what... college is in North Delhi n am put up in South Delhi. Yeah there does exist a direct bus from my place but it takes 1:30 hours for it to reach the destination n its too bugging to sit in that bus. I really can’t afford to do a ‘Dilli darshan’ early morning. My first class is at 9 in the morning n if I have to take that bus, I have to leave home by 7:20.

Even if I compromise on that, there is no guarantee that that bus wil come when am waiting in the bus stop. Its so damn bugging u know! Other alternative bus route which I got to know from my seniors is a shorter one which makes me reach college in an hour, but I have to change 3 to 4 buses for that. Not a bad deal I say. After all I can leave home ‘aaram’ se at 8. Though sometimes changing so many buses early in the morning is not that easy too. Moreover Delhi’s bus stops are ‘masha allah’ so damn good that except for the bus-stops, everywhere there wil b shade! And DTC buses stop only at the bus stop n not near the shady area. Now for those who don’t know wat ‘DTC’ stands for... let me tell u that DTC-Delhi transport coorporation. These r govt. buses n students get a pass to travel in that. N guess wat is the fare for that pass????


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Okkk lemme tel u dat… its 75 bugs for 5 months. So standing in the sun is not that bad too isn’t it??

U might be wondering y I don’t catch metro... well I do that at-times. But u c I don’t have a metro station very near to my place. I gotta change 2 buses to reach metro station n then again the prob. is that my deptt. is a bit too far from metro station n it demands a 15 min walk. So at the end, metro takes a longer time!! Yeah its very comfortable with ACs on.. but these days metro is more like a local train with no seats available any time of the day. So at the end of the day, I spend at the minimum 2 hrs a day traveling n at max 3-4 hrs traveling in Delhi roads! N mind u, North Delhi roads r seriously not so amusing too!! But still I wil say that am loving all these things. Though I don’t get time to pursue my hobbies anymore… no time to cooking... no time to paint... no time to sing... left dance classes too... but still...

I got only 3 subjects in this sem. One is Classical Physics... damn abstract... not one step is “obvious” n these r things which r there coz they have to be... no use questioning coz the more u question on these, the more questions arises. So I have decided to deal with this topic as it is! If not for our Prof. Dr. Debajyoti Choudhry who is so damn cute, I would have hardly attended the lectures. U know what, our sir is just like a cute little teddy, who spins around himself to explain spinning of top... he he... n his antique torn grey shoes n “white-n-blue” striped t-shirt (his uniform) keeps us alert in his class. Moreover I have heard that he sometimes wears ‘havai-chappals’ to college!!

Next is Quantum mechanics... goody goody things... but the only prob is, we have already learnt high level quantum mech in B.Sc level n now we r learning the basics!! Lolzz... weird I know... but then... that’s the system. Prof. Amithaba Mukherjee is sure a lovely “made-for-students” kindda teacher... n every other day we have an interaction session with him asking us wat changes we want in deptt.
Next sub is my fav Electronics. This part is divided into 4 parts n four diff teachers wil b taking our classes. Well the teacher for ‘communication’ part was Dr. Amita Chandra... a terror she was... with the statement she issued in the first class “no body wil enter my class after I have come and no one wil leave before I do” she got the title ‘Hitler’ n she was. But we couldn’t have had a better teacher n I can say that for sure coz I have seen how Dr. P.D Sahare for ‘network analysis’ is. And since we don’t have any attendance system in the deptt, so we comfortably chuck his classes. So u c it’s not al that bad too. N yeah v have computer classes where we have to do scientific c++ programs in Linux n this is one of my fav classes n prog is damnnn fun!!! N of course, how can I miss out on labs? Got 4 labs… finished with nuclear lab n next wil go for electronics lab. 2 more labs in next sem.

Well thats is as of now. Will surely keep writing frequently. Pls friends, suggest some ways by which I can make myself a little regular. I seriously want to write but u c “time nahi hai”!!

A Bye... Bye...

I was in 2^nd class when dad got my bro a bicycle. It was a small red Avon cycle. Even the seat cover and the bell was red in colour coz those days red was my fav colour. Of course, it was my selection but I did not touch that for more than a year for two reasons-

1) It wasn’t mine

2) I was afraid to fall down!

By the time I reached 4^th class, it was pretty embarrassing for me as all of my friends new how to ride a cycle and all our girlish games like stapu, tv, Chocolate, etc. etc were fast replaced by cycling which ended up in mine sitting at home most of the evenings! Very soon, my bro grew taller and big enough for that small cycle and this time he got a steel grey and black avon cycle. I still remember, that time the distance between the new cycle’s seat and ground was equal to the distance between by foot and head!

That red cycle was given to me so I had no choice left but to learn to ride that. I could ride properly since the day I started but the problem was I didn’t knew how to stop that and get down. My dad used to get me started and leave. After riding for some time, I would come back home calling dad at the top of my voice so that he can stop the cycle and get me safe on ground! In the course of learning, I did experience the bitter situation where dad didn’t turn up and I had to just fall down. Soon I learnt. I remember pretty clearly, when I got the confidence in riding the cycle and started enjoying cycling, I got myself a red t-shirt, shorts and shoes! Every Sunday I used to wear that red stuff and took my red cycle and go to buy bread. Soon my legs grew taller for my red cycle and even my red-ridding hood costume lost charm. Before my parents could pass on the avon cycle to me and get a new one for my bro, I asked for a ladies cycle ;) so clever of me!!!

My cycle was bought on 30.8.2000, “HERO DEVIL” violet colored with matching bell but I couldn’t get a matching seat cover so I settled for a black cover. Just 2 days practice and I could ride her very comfortably. I used to love riding her at top speed when it rained! Soon I started going to school riding her. From the window, I used to adore her, standing elegant in the parking area. Since 9^th class till 12^th, everyday I used to take her with me. Till the last day of my school, I was the only girl who used to go in cycle.

But today, after more than 6 years of living with it, I finally sold her for a mere 500 bugs! I wasn’t using her since I started going to college and my mom felt that she's occupying unnecessary space which was true to some extent. Her place is now replaced by other things but the place she has occupied in my heart will never be “unnecessary” and will never be replaced by other things!