Mr. Einsten is sure very convinced about the fact that 'God does not play dice' and he once quoted "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
As I grow up with life and experience the ups and downs, I realize the righteous of his words. This phase of my life where am living now, seems like a distant dream still so close. At times dreams come so closer to reality that one cant figure out if its a dream or reality. This is exactly what is happening to me, Now. There were days when I used to dream about standing in a huge seminar room giving a lecture and a huge crowd of audience present there listening to me so attentively. But those days I know I have to get up sooner and pack my bag and head towards college. That was a dream in dream... truly really a dream without a doubt. But now I have come so closer to this dream of mine that when I wake up, I get feelings like am almost there.
A few years back I was a simple sweet little under graduate student who was trying hard to establish herself in the society. Very low in confidence, shy, reserved these were possibly the most commonly used adjectives for me those days. But I grew, I evolved and I learnt. Yes am a changed and better person today and am really proud of myself for that. I possibly had the silliest reason to have joined a course on Physics, a subject which I never liked or enjoyed... But this silliest act of my life has turned out to be my wisest decision and within a month or two, I would be doing my Ph.D in this subject!
Ah! It feels good. I didn't get time to update here but I have cleared my CSIR-NET exam and have gotten the JRF. My All India Rank is 61, which is really very good and I wanted to thank all those friends and well wishers of mine who prayed for me. When my mobile was buzzing a day before exam and gmail inbox was receiving good luck cards, I really felt very happy releasing that I do have well wishers around and if not for them, this success would have been meaningless. Just one more exam to go and it will be the end of my M.Sc. Life's gonna take me higher to some bigger place and am really feeling very scared!
I cant express my emotions at this point of time. I stand at a road which is multi-laned and I need to chose the right path. I have options and more options and good options and better options and risky options and amazing options and wat not. All this is leading to a big time confusion and am really trying hard to keep my cool and to chose the best way. I have gotten interview calls from some of the finest IIT's and other research institutions but there are many factors to weigh on. I want a good guide, a good institution and a place closer to house. When there r so may factors, the priority list keeps shuffling and its leading tensions and stress! I don't know, I feel so torn apart these days, energy level running a big time low and head almost about to burst. Each day a new thing, a new news, a new offer and its adding to the confusions.
Life has been so hectic for me for the past 4 years and I badly needed a break after M.Sc for at-least a month. But guess am not gonna be blessed with that. There are many other unsolved issues hanging on my head and am just not able to handle all this. Feel like sitting and crying so badly... am so badly scared that I really feel like running away. But no! I have to face this. I will get back my confidence and will come up with some good news very soon.
.jpe)
