Welcome to my world !!!!!!!!!!

It's all about Attitude

2011-12-07T21:57:00.001+05:30

I don't understand that if I don't understand myself, how am I ever gonna understand others and make them understand me. No points for guessing that a rush of thoughts is taking up all the space on my head and am frustrated. Though God never gives me a shortage of things to complain and whine about, still every new thing deserves its share of attention, in case it feels ignored!

Am having my share of fun and life is going 'fine' otherwise, but for the few jitters. The usual bad communication and misunderstanding have surfaced yet another time. I thought I left those petty things back in college when I post-graduated but guess, growing up phase is still ON. I don't get the funda of all these 'emotion' kinda stuff. They say its just hormones or yet worst, just a few chemical bonds that plays around with the chemistry of life. Ah! how lame I feel.

Just imagine the size of the universe having million million of creatures and out of the lot, am perhaps just a teeny-tiny spec and whose existence matters to a teeny-tiny little set of people. Still when these damn emotions brings me down, it feels like this whole mighty universe is worthless and its just all about those chemicals that manipulated. Ah! The feeling of being sad... its the worst one ever. Its sometimes good to believe in those times that a superpower exist above this empty space who will take care of the whole situation... the more upset I get, the stronger I believe.

Am not a very strict believer of 'God' and neither am I an atheist, rather I don't have a strong opinion about the whole thing. For me, when am upset or scared about something, believing that someone is there to take care of u, gives Courage. When am in my jolly-good mood, I don't care to take time outta my masti moments to bow my head to someone who May/MayNot exist. I choose the easy way out. For me, festivals are more of eating good stuff and meeting people rather than chanting mantras. Am happy with my flexible beliefs.... its fun too.

The small little mess gang and the 2 hrs per day in mess is genuinely the anti-depression capsule. It works wonders.... !! Ofcourse I feel really lucky to have some precious 'gems' in my life, thanks to the presence of whom, am still dragging on. Its so important to have friends who can tell u that u r wrong in a way that u don't feel bad. I hate it when someone points at my flaws, a fact that I have known like for ever. I know its a terrible attitude, as in everyone makes mistakes, its just that I don't consider myself one of 'them'. Sometimes I take pride of my arrogance and other days I feel terrible about my nature but the golden rule still reads, "My flaws, I know. If you know, kindly don't tell me!"

As an year passed by....

2011-07-25T10:06:00.009+05:30

My fingers seemed to have been rusted and jammed and so have my thoughts... its been a long time since I had taken out time to write. Sometimes it becomes so difficult to actually pull out time from the 'cobweb of daily chaos' and to do things that were the 'essentials'. "Its like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving - Robin Sharma". Am not using this as an excuse for not working on a Monday morning... but its just that its okkk to be lazy sometimes, its okkk to wake up a little late and its okkk to slow down a bit.

As I sat in my hostel balcony last night at 2 a.m watching the small kittens there sleeping peacefully with their mother by the side... I recollected the words my mom said when I was leaving home an year ago. She said we humans have this amazing sense of 'adaptation'. Its been a year of hostel life, though I have visited home trice in this tenure and dad visited me twice, I kinda got used to this life now. I like the way I have adapted in this new atmosphere and I like all the new things and experiences that has come my way.

Saturday night as my friends were moving from Ashwini guest room to their individual rooms, we had a farewell celebration. It was the mark of a year end for us so I thought of getting them a gift just to convey that they are 'special'. Never expected to have ended tear-eyed while giving that off... things got a little senti that time but I was glad that they liked it. We made soup, ordered pizza, got pastry and played music... a slideshow of the memories of the past year along with the movie 'Zindagi na milege doobara' added the spirit of the celebration. As they truly say, Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

Today morning Chandu was complaining about not able to sleep in the new room alone and so was Vardhini... isn't it strange how people develop affection and bond so fast. Just a year ago these people were complete strangers and at that time they couldn't sleep coz they missed their initial habitat. When we face changes, we first resist it but then somehow we manage to adapt... but by the time we get used to the new change, another change comes over and demands change! Its just as confusing as it sounds. These people who first seemed so strange and weird (though they are still weird) have become such a vital part of my life now.

I guess this is the best and the worst fact of life... as we grow older we meet new people but then we have to let go of the old ones. Ofcourse in this e-world, staying in touch and recollecting the tiny bits of memory is not a very hard thing to do but still reliving those moments and experiencing those over-whelming emotions is still not possible.

The 'awesome' gang :)

2011-05-01T19:36:00.010+05:30

It was an awesome 2 hours I spent with my awesome friends last saturday. To add to the awesomeness was the 'Freska' awesome food.... just in case u didnt notice, am all excited about the 'kung-fu panda-2', so the uncontrolled use of the legendary word 'awesome' may kindly be taken with a pinch of salt. Anyways coming back to the awesome time I had, the reason for the extravagance expenditure (though we dont need any) was the end of the 'course-work era'. It sure did call for the grand celebration, and we arn't fools too ignore such occasions.

Back there after finishing with the usual serious and critical discussions of movies, courses, lab stuff, cloths, crushes, mess, hostel etc. etc. we decided to start counting the best things in IISc that has happened to us so far. Worst things were also a part of the discussion but I dont think its worth putting up here.... for many critical reasons. So coming back to the goody goodies, it was then when I realized that these people with whom am spending this 'awesome' time where I dont miss my home, I dont feel frustrated about work, I dont have stuffs running in my head, I dont need to be something which am not, I could put up my opinion without being judged for that, I could be as ill-mannered and blunt as I can be no-where else in the world.... they are the 'best thing' that has happened to me in IISc.

The kind of life am leading now, was never how I imagined my life in IISc to be. When I left home, I was scared, excited and anxious about the new things am gonna learn... these people made me feel at home but still I never expected this kinda bonding to ever happen. Quoting Preeti's words, "we are like a family now". Maybe that why I dont feel so home-sick anymore. Today they were asking me show some respect to them coz they are elder to me, but trust me, how-so-ever hard I try, I can probably never see them as even a day elder to me. These 'awesome' people are the perfect example of "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional", U know what they have opted for :)

Stating the legendary tale of the birth of this 'evening group' (which no one calls us as) will get very boring so I will run a quick overview of the whole thing. This blog is essentially for my own records so that I dont miss out on the innumerable 'awesome' moments when I sit to tell the story to my children. 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' the T.V. series is perhaps the most important part of the origin of this gang. IISc repo should also be acknowledged for the movie collection (though it could have been better). Some of my favourite event/places/occations will be : malleswaram and mantri mall; nite chit chats in gymkhana and main building; tea-board visits; guitar and swimming lessons; ghar aaja pardesi; exhausist; Vardini's hindi; My bengali lessons; looking for orion; doubles cycling; eating out every weekend; discussing MM; going for shopppppppping; uncontrollable laughter in mess; world cup final; the round-round cycling; and many many more which I dont recollect now... and much much more to come... Just a word of thanks to these 'awesome' people for entering my life and making my stay in IISc so 'awesome' and memorable. Words are not the best way to express emotions but they are still better than being silent.

Heard the familiar tune.....

2011-04-15T18:57:00.006+05:30

It starts from the eyes... travels all the way down to the dear hearty and affects the top commander. Growing up is certainly a very complicated task to do. I pretended to stop myself, but never really tried sincerely. My initial hesitant 'secret stares' have now change to a 'shameless open eyed look'. I dont care the presence of 100 more people around me, the one face gets all the attention. I laugh at myself but still consider it an achievement.

It started out on the fun side. More than anything else, it was an act that was making me to stick to mess food and was cutting down on the expenses. The few glances were making it possible to gobble up the nothing-to-eat (sometimes literally) food. It gave my brain a new occupation, to find out some details of the concerned subject and to bring out the sleeping 'Nancy Drew' within me. The more I learnt, the more I wanted to. It is now a constant topic of discussion in my group and U bet my friends are getting really pissed off with this topic, essentially because they see no 'future' here.

When I was small, I learnt this proverb "think before u leap". This is one of my ever favourites and these words are litterally embedded in my heart. I think so so damn hard that each time I decide with taking the leap, I will get back to the thinking part and the process goes on. Its hard to tell when am gonna take the leap, or rather, If am ever gonna take a leap.... U c.... am still thinking. Its good to take risks sometimes but then am a little too protective about myself.

No two people can ever be fully compatible and if am to look for someone just like me, I need to end up settling up with my own reflection (which wil be left-handed, unlike me). But when the differences reach the level of language, culture and eating habits, I dont think it will be the best decision to go for it. But sometimes there are no choices. As of now am going with the flow and having my share of fun. It 'feels good' and thats what I feel is important for me now. I got a new reason to stick to this place, to eat the food in the mess and something to look forward to. Let optimism rock and if it doesnt work, there is always a "Better luck next time" ;)

Change is a Rule.

2010-12-17T20:52:00.010+05:30

In one of my old posts dated June 8, 2009 Guys vs Gals I remember having expressed a very negative ideology towards the concept of 'marriage' and I wrote and meant the following lines whole heatedly "At-times when I imagine myself away from my house, my family, my world... living out there with some god damn stranger... I feel can there really exist some 'heart-less' creature who will be so damn heartless to take me away??!!". This post and in-particular these lines caught a lot of attention and my dear once constantly tried to change my ideas both online and offline.

I have always considered myself very lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful family for myself. And much to the contrast of what I presumed earlier, I didnt really need any 'heart-less' creature to take me away from my paradise. It was the need of the hour, the hunt for a successful life and my very own hard-work that took me away from my house, my family, my world... for my own good. Am happy now, no doubts there. The self made world of mine with my future shining brightly in front of me like a guiding star, with my present like a fortress under construction and with my past like a steady staircase... couldnt have been more perfect.

Am on a vacation now and it feels good to be home. But its not the same thing like I expected it to be. I kinda feel more like a stranger in my own house and less like a part of it. My study room felt nothing like before and there was no trace of my books, yeah I took them all with me but still I didnt expect all of it to be gone. My cupboard had just my winter coats, mufflers and gloves which I left home considering I wont need them in B'lore. Dad actually had to 'make space' for my cloths. I actually had to ask mom for the location of the spices in the kitchen. Ayu had to adjust her schedule to spend time with me, another shocker for me, coz there were never two separate schedules.

When in hostel, there were times when I used to wake up from deep sleep and find myself alone there. I used to tell myself to calm down and assume that am on a holiday and will be going back home soon. Now the reverse assumption sounds more realistic. I realised it last month that the more I resisted 'change' the more dominating it became. My frequency of calling home greatly reduced in the recent past as rightly pointed by my lab mate, Venkat. My friends noticed me talking less of 'Delhi' and wanting to explore more of 'Bangalore'. Unlike earlier where I used to call my relatives to campus, I have started going out of campus to visit my relatives place by myself. Yes! I have finally learned to face the world 'independently' without any strings attached to it.

Subbu, my very old and very good friend told me that ever since I went to hostel, she has been very seriously following my blogs. She says my writings have improved and I have started writing very short n crisp things. I was just so glad to get to hear these words from her coz trust me, she is one of the most straight-forward person who can be so blunt that she can cut ur throat with her tongue. But its her honest and this straight-forward bindass attitude of hers that makes her so special. Its what is in her heart, that comes out of her mouth without any decoratives or accessories attached to it. Love u girl... keep rocking as always.

But am glad that even with time, some things dont change. When I went for a walk in Lodi garden after 4 months, I felt very happy to find familiar faces passing their friendly smiles and enquiring about my absence. The care, affection and concern of the dear once is a very precious treasure one can find. I felt good about the fact that - road side golgappas, haldiram's rajkachodi, U.P.S.E chat, Chandni chowk dahi balla, S.N alu chat, C.P's kachodi, Bengali sweeti's samosa, sadar bazar's bature chole, University's bus stop burger, Nirula's hot chocolate fudge and Golden bakery's pastries - tastes no less than heavens still!! Delhi roads and my dad's generosity in giving the car keys, both have broadened a lot and am loving it. My bro now fights less with me and lets me watch T.V for a longer time, knowing the fact that I dont watch TV in hostel. Mamma is making only my favorites and I am controlling the menu of the house. It is Happy Holidays Indeed ! !

Life is a blessing...

2010-11-15T21:45:00.010+05:30

We have been taught from kinder garden to appretiate the small things in life and to always compare oneself with those who are less previlaged than us and to feel good about our status and position in life. But some lessons are learnt not from books but by the "real" experiences of life. Probably this is the reason why it used to be so facinating to listen to Grandma's stories coz they come out of "real" world and their philosophy is far more realistic and acceptable than some of the crap in books....

Am sitting in the balcony of my room... I have finally been shifed to a hostel room (was put up in a guest house before). This new room is really really awesome! The best part of it being the sit-out in the balcony. This is my "thinking place" and a little paradise in itself. Bro gifted me this huge teddy-bear which I call "Eddy-Teddy" for my room and am living a very comfortable life out here. The mess food though some-times boring, still is quite good and they try to be innovative and give real weird flavours of ice-creams at-times. My lab is one of the bests of IISc with an amazing supervisor who says "no for nothing". Have gotten real time good friends here and the fun n masti that we do, is inspiring me to write a novel on.

It was an usual saturday afternoon last week when I had been pulled out of bed by my stupid friends at 5:45 coz the tea time in mess is (4:30 to 6). Very half heartedly and with a heavy head I managed to reach the mess constantly cursing my stupid but very caring friends. There we went to our favourite corner near the window and I was gradually coming outta my sleep hangover when I found 4 children looking at us from the window. Must have been the children of the mess workers, I thought. They noticed me noticing them and asked me to pass them bread. Before I could react, Chandu went and got them a pile of bread with jam on top of it. They were happy and ran away.

This incident ignited a spark and a heated arguement began on 'how good was that act'? I didnt understand 'what is bad there'. This is what we have always been taught right, to help the poor. After all its just a matter of a few slices of bread, something which is available in mess everytime and no one touches it. But different people have different perspective and it takes no time for a discussion to take a turn to arguement with things moving from east to west to north to south. People feared these kids will get to this bad habit of begging for their food and will start disturbing and irritating other people in mess. There are days when we ourself are so busy that we just get time to slip in one sip of tea n rush back, who got the time to even pass on that one single bread.

I never saw those children near the mess again, I dont know what happened. But then isnt it sad that there r children who really really are so miserable. I on the other hand, doing nothing but just studing am earning a handful and living a very comfortable life. Trust me if I say my new room is big enough to accomodate a poor family of 4 members. If I really start looking down at people who are lower in status and position than me, am afraid I will start feeling so chocked and guilty that I wont be able to enjoy an ounce of my life.

All I can say is that am just happy that my life is like the way I wanted it. I have a family back there who have been really supportive of my decisions and dont fail to push me to greater heights. I have friends who truely honestly deserve and fit in all the millions and trillions of definition of the word 'friends'. I have been under such fine superwising eyes that their inspiration and words of wisdom are more than enought for this birth of mine and last but not the least, the dear almighty who perhaps is really very fond of me :)

Tit-Bits

2010-10-12T11:40:00.019+05:30

Every single day brings with it a bunch of "weird incidents" which have a stupid, ironic, sarcastic sense of humor associated with it. The weirder the incident it, the more tempting it is to share. With work going on full swing, these days am hardly finding time to sit with my friends and chit-chat like I used to do. My little group here makes it a point to sit together for dinner and share all such "interesting" incidents... believe me, this 1 hr time that we sit around chit chatting in the mess, makes us forget the world around us and the giggles and laughs leaves us very light-hearted and happy. Today I just though of jorting down a few such incidents...

As I was walking down a lane near the library, with my eyes stuck on the beautiful half-crest moon....

STRANGER: "Excuse me! There is a snake ahead. Very small one, just be careful."

my mental dialogue "wattttt.... run stupid.. run back home!!!"

ME : "Thx. I wil manage."

If I were in Delhi, I would have been sure this is one of those school time April fool trick but I know here it is not a joke. I stayed glued to that place and when I was sure that the stranger was out of site, I took a u-turn and took the long route.

It was Chipkali's informal frehsers party when she was asked to represent Karnataka state (she is a Bengali btw). So the ragging begins... she is on stage with mike.

Seniors : So tell us, wat is Karnataka famous for?

Chipkali : err.... well... I read about Karnataka yday... it is very famous for silk.

Senior : and?

Chipakali : And its a great tourist spot and is even called the "City of gardens".

Senior : and?

Chipkali : it has a very rich culture.

Senior : education wise?

Chipkali : Ohhh ! ya it has a very famous university and a huge number of students.

Senior (frustrated now!) : where r u standing?

Chipkali : On stage ..... (damn confused!)

Senior (banging tthe head) : which campus is this?

Chipkali (finally the bulb glow) : Oh! ya ha.... Karnataka is famous for IISc :)

Senior : Thank you!

Venue : Ashwini hostel room. Time : 2 a.m

Bang! Bang! Bang!!

Vardini : Shruti?? U can sleep here if u r missing mom

Me : Noo its not that... I found sumthing.

2 more voices from inside : who is it?

Vardini : Its Shruti and she looks pale.

the 2 voices : Yaar U can sleep here is u r missing mom

Me (Frustrated!) : No am not missing mom... I mean I am but thats not wat I came for. I saw just now that our ID card is valid upto 2016... I cant stay here for 6 years!

Chandu (speaking without opening eyes) : Look at the brighter side, u wil surely get a PhD by 2016

Me : U kidding me? I will die single! Who will ever marry me?

Chandu : Look at the brighter side, it will save someone's life.

Me : Ya sure! U guys r sick... this place sucks.. god damn wat the hell am I doing here? I wanna go home!! (sob! sob!)

Chorus : Tea board chaleen? Strong black tea???

Me : Yes please!

One fine afternoon I was lazing around in my room watching K2H2 for the 300th time when the phone rang (unknown number)

ME : Yes?

OTHER SIDE : Shruti, this is Prof. Krupanidhi here

me stood up n froze... thats my guide!!!!

OTHER SIDE : where are u?

ME : ssssssiiiirrrrrr... aaaammm aammm in roooooom.... nnoooo cuuureeennntt innn lllibbbraary....

OTHER SIDE : come to lab.

This one incident became the biggest joke in my group and each time we cross library, some one or the other will say "no current in library" and I will go pink!

Chandu : Today I reached class at 11.

ME : wow! on time today... so finally u broke the record of going 10 min late?

Chandu : When I entered the class, everyone was staring at me. I didnt understand why and went and sat in the last bench when a girl turned back n wispered, class almost about to get over where were u?

ME : lol !!!

Damn !!

2010-09-25T15:23:00.011+05:30

No I dont wanna complain anymore... I got all that I possibly wanted, so I guess I dont really have the rights to complain? How many actually make through their dreams? I did, so why am I still whining? Is there sumthing terribly wrong with me or I always always wish for the wrong things? But whats so wrong with this? Naaaaaaa.... nothing... nothing really.... But is it really worth all the sacrifices that am making? Wait a minute, am I really sacrificing anything? Whats wrong with me?

Last Wednesday I had a class at 8:50 in the morning. Was watching a movie the other night so couldnt get up early. Mom as usual called up at 7:30 to wake me up but then I disconnected the call as a 'response'... my alarm went 'buzzzzzzzzzz' at 8 n it was snoozed by me for 15 minutes. Atlast when I got up, it was 8:30. Had a quick shower, no time for breakfast and grabbed the cycle n rushed to class. The class quite unusually was damn boring, ah! Vasu sir is one of my favourites, how can I possibly be sleeping in his class sitting in front bench? whatever... after the class had sum work in office, then went to mess for lunch and then again class... when I finally came back to my room at 6 in the eve, I was shocked to see the mess I had created in the morn. Yeah I was in a hurry but then 'gosh! it was really a bad site'.

So tired as I was after the long day, I just threw the bag into one corner, switched on the lappy n played my fav playlist named 'random', threw all the cloths scattered on my bed into the laundry bag and went back to sleep. 'Thak Thak Thak'.... damn! one more enemy of my sleep arrived at the door...

"Ek min!!, am cuming..."

"jaldi khol n khane chal, I have to submit an assignment tmrw"

Ah! that was Chandu, its the same story with everyone here, so I shouldnt be mad at my fate. So there I went off to dinner and from there to the library... and before I realized, it was past 12 and the new day had started.

Its been almost 2 months now since I came here and believe me if i say "A hell lot of things have changed!!!". I dont know if am liking it or not but I guess I dont really have any choice with this. When I was scared about moving out of home, my mom held me close to her and said "we humans have a great quality of adapting to the changing situation and environment. Dont worry, u will get used to." I opened up my arms for the new changes of my life and got ready to face my life all by myself but I dont know y am feeling too lonely and bored today. During my initial days, I used to call up home 5 times a day... gradually the frequency kept reducing and now I call home once in a day and rarely talk for more than 15 minutes. Saturdays and Sundays are devoted to cleaning room and washing cloths and finishing assignments.

Its scary to think that I will be living this same life for a long tenure of 5 to 6 years... I dont know when I will get the leave to go to home... I dont get time to miss anyone, but still I wish they were all here. I dont get time to relish the food, but still I wish I get to eat home food. I dont get time to write much these days, but still I wish that my friends get to read my blogs.

I asked for independence but I dont know from where this loneliness creeped in. Did I really wish for anything wrong? Is my crying and whining by any means justified?

Jungle mein Mangal

2010-08-12T18:26:00.007+05:30

The IISc Life....

Am having a big time fun these days and the past 2 weeks were just amazing!! New place, new people, new friends... its all kinda very adventerous and thrilling. Mom came with me to drop me here esentially coz I wasnt very confident of travelling alone. She left last tuesday and when it was just 10 minutes left for her train departure, I called her up and cried worst than a little baby. She was trying her best to get me back to senses but I was in no mood to listen to her and cried like hell but that was it. After that day, I didnt shed one more tear thinking am away from home.

On my arrival, I was alloted a guest room in a girls hostel block named 'Ashwini'. I stayed there for 3 days and that was supposed to be a four seater room but till the time I was in that room, only one more girl moved in. Chandreeyee, Harivardini and Preeti were my ex-roommates and they made me feel a lot good about this place and never gave me a chance to miss my home and friends. Though am moved to a single seater guest room now, but still I do drop in their room very frequently and we have long long nite chats. Marsha is one more friend of mine, but more than a friend she is like an elder sister who takes real good care of me. After the dinner, we 5 go on long walks in the campus and never realise how the time passes.

Batch mates and seniors are very helpful and kind. All the faculty members and office staff kept enquiring about my comfort level in the campus for a few days and all seem very friendly. I need to finish 12 credit course-work for this degree and my guide has asked me to finish them off in one sem so that I can start my research from next year. Though the course-work is hectic and 12 credits is a hell lot to be done in this short span of time, still going by my mom's words - there are just 2 rules :

Rule 1. Boss is always right
Rule 2. If u think he is wrong, refer to Rule 1.

So that more-or-less settles the matter. Classes have started in full swing and life is quite hectic. I like the kinda teaching they do here - its all digital class rooms and u dont need to carry pen and paper unless u r too addicted to writing. Proffessors give their ppt and send the presentation through e-mails so one dont really need to waste time in writing down every word spoken, and the presentations are so well done that they fullfill the basic need of making notes. Out of the four papers I have to do, 3 are core subjects and one is elective and I cant stop praising my proffessors for the kinda people they are and for the amount of efforts they take in getting things to our heads. And the best part is even the obvious and silliest doubts is appretiated and acknowledged by these mighty people who have such a great stand in the society.

My eating and sleeping timings have been greatly affected by the rigid mess timings but the good food in mess calls for adjustments. Last friday when my M.Sc results came out, there was this huge celebration in my group and Chandreeyee got me a big Diary mink chocolate for my out-standing result (as she called her). And that day in mess we got Pastries with tea so that was one surprised big time celebration we all had. It was as if the whole IISc campus was rejoicing my results :) Hostel life is kinda fun and hanging out in gymkhana at nite is one of my fav thing. Last week we saw DDLJ in our campus hall that lasted till 1 at nite and it seemed like we are all watching it for the first time.

I bought myself cycle a few days back as it is the most widely used transportation mode in the campus. We go around to near by places like Matikere, Yeshwantpur and Malleshwaram in cycle and five girls riding cycles in main road is sure a site. We giggle around all through the way and do hell lot of window shopping. Its a different kinda life here... restricted without restrictions. Ofcourse friendship gets a different definition in hostel and one gets more social and caring about the other coz everyone needs support. These days I hardly get time to feel bored or sad about anything. Am loving my life like never before and am having a real good time.... Yipeeeeeeeee!!

A walk to Remember.

2010-07-26T22:06:00.005+05:30

Following is a letter addressed to the 3 Angels of my life : Ayushi, Ajay and Abhishek

Dear Friends,

Yeh jo Life hai na Life, its a long long long journey which starts with our 'Birth' and ends with our 'Death'. During this journey we pass through various paths, some are smooth and we move fast but sometimes we come across very rough roads and slow down speed. We lose our direction, get lost at-times, get help and guidance, sit down in a corner to relax, ask for lift and do all that is possible to make our journey a success. We met each other coz we walked the same path for sometime. Ur company gave me the strength to move on... my journey became so smooth and interesting that I didnt realise how time flew off..!! But now my path is changed and am moving away from U all.

Today when I left home to come to Department, I thought I will need to walk back home alone. But then u made my last day such a wonderful memory. I know u all expected me to break down and get senti but I didnt wanted that. I wanted u all to remember my smiles and not my tears. U guys are real gems in my possession and have always stood by me. How do u ever expect me to to tell u in few words as to what u mean to me.

Ajay, I have always appretiated ur 'all positive, no negetive' attitude. When ever u feel low, u always call me and am just too glad that I could be of ur help in ur low days. This was one reason why I used to pick ur phone in roaming also coz I knew that u just needed to talk and get motivated urself. U have a great talent in urself that u can keep urself happy. Trust me, this is one of the greatest art of living. To be happy is a very difficult thing and am glad u have a good hand at it. Your best quality is ur caring attitude and I have seen how genuinely u wish for my well being. I know I have been very rude to u sometimes but trust me, that was for ur own good. U took a note of my words and improved urself and that was a great thing. I will always remember ur words 'open eyes, open mind'... u have been really encouraging and never fail to lift up spirits with ur positivity... keep moving ahead. U rock!

Abhishek, I thought today u r gonna cry when u were waving me good bye from metro... we have become so close in this short span of time that our bond (vander-wall) has really strengthened. I remb u said u want to become my 2nd dushman... tab mazaak laga tha but am really gonna miss u a lot. More coz we had spent so much of time together. Every evening when I used to 'walk and talk' with u back to metro station from department, it used to be so refreshing. As if poore din ka chapter close ho gaya and I used to go home so light hearted. U used to listen to all my problems and advice so nicely. I know at-times I have behaved very stubbornly and have ignored ur advices so openly but u know me na... mein thode ziddi category ki hi hoon. U have been a great friend and I know tujhe kitna akela lag raha hoga abhi but yaar this is life, tune hi bola tha na. As u have instructed me, "any small or big problem, I will surely call up even at 2 a.m. I wont get carried away and wont trust others easily. And will try not to cry in front of everyone. Wont do lots of masti, will stay in limits and will concentrate on studies and will be good". U can stop worrying about me and I promise to mail u my updates very very frequently. Kabhi akele feel mat kariyo, am there with u in ur thoughts :)

And I do remember "Mann ka ho toh achha, na ho toh aur bhi achha - Harivansh Rai Bachchan"

Ayu, Today was ur joining and I didnt accompany u in the morning. Reason being, I wanted u to start off this new phase of life independently. But more than lab, u spent the day with me. I know its going to be very tough for u to go to that place without me daily. As u said, its tougher than a breakup. U could have handled that better but this has dropped too hard on u and I completely understand. Jaana hai yaar... ab yahaan mann nahi lagega. It will take u some time, kitna yeh toh mein bhi nahi jaanti but am sure u will get over this. A friend like u is a god's blessing really. Even before I told u, u knew am disturbed and over reacting, hai na? See tabhi toh... its so tough. As I told u once, friendship is when silence between two person becomes comfortable. And as far as our case is concern, am sure we can spend years together sitting silently besides each other. But is this practical? Once ur work starts, u will get so engrossed in it that u wont get so much time to miss me. I know how dedicated u r to ur work. It wont be really so hard when u get work in hand. Dont even think of leaving Ph.D. U will have to do it, for me and for ur family. U r not a coward to think like that and I have huge expectations from u so u better not disappoint me.

Dont worry about me, I will be good there and yeah I will defiinitly keep u updated with even my smallest to smallest troubles. Even agar toothpaste khatam ho gaya toh before going to market, I will inform u. I do remember all ur advices and will try to follow them. No seriously. I know u always feel that I dont listen to u but thats not true, I always do listen yeah but dont implement always. Now toh we have our own respective laptops so staying connected wont be such a huge trouble but for the time factor. Dont miss me much, and make new friends. U still have people around, mere liye kaun hai?

I know how lucky am to have met such wonderful people like u in my life. I know am going a little far from u all but will always stay in touch. Had a great time today and the past 2 years... Go ahead and walk in ur path with head high up. Am sure our paths gonna meet again very soon and we cant help cherishing these moments. Will miss u all.

Lots of love,
One and only,
Shruti :)

All 4 SuccesS !

2010-07-05T12:32:00.004+05:30

IIT Delhi or IISc was a tough choice. It was almost like 'family' or 'career'.

Maybe I actually am exaggerating things (like many ppl told me) or maybe am indeed a very very sensitive creature but what ever the fact is, am very disturbed. I have always argued that a human is not a human if he is not sensitive. I felt am killing my own sweet "sentiments" sumthing that I valued a lot. The mental dialogues, the constant questions, the dead line for admission, the "what have u decided" messages, the unwanted advices, the unacknowledged opinions... all were driving me crazy. I needed the time to stop for me. I wanted the world to freeze for sumtime so that I can think. I dont want dead-lines for my thoughts. I wanted to spend as much time with my family as possible and then go and join IISc. I know thats the best for my career and thats a reward for the hardwork that I have put in all these years. I got IISc coz I knew I deserved that. Saying a 'no' would have meant insulting my own labour and that would have been the height of injustice one can do to one self.

I was happy for myself. I appreciated my achievement but couldn't rejoice it. One option would have been so much better. I shortlisted these two out of the many other options I had and that was easy. But after this point, things took wild turns. When I talked to my parents, they left the final decision on me. I remember 5 years back when I was dying to get into a veterinary college, my dad just did not allow me coz I had no veterinary college here in Delhi and now when I secretly wanted him to repeat the history, he had other plans. The ironical part of the whole situation was my dad's phone call early morning on the day of my IISc interview. To my surprise he called and said "I know u r not serious about today's interview. IIT is good but this is the best. Dont joke around. I need u in there."

IISc was solely my decision. Yeah it was dad's push that got me through, u c am habitual of listening to my dad's words. It helped this time. Mom remained silent throughout the picture. She knew my mind and many other cross links. She trusts me and my decisions a lot and never creates hurdles in my life. Bro sumhow intuitively knew well before me, as to what am gonna decide on. He just simply asked me to keep in touch and not to forget to send rakhi every year. But yeah I know he is the one who is gonna miss me like hell. I should have never strengthened this bond with him. He is my life - world - everything and I dont know how am gonna manage without him. Frankly speaking am really feeling very scared as to whats gonna happen.

I remember when I came back home from interview in Bangalore, my little cousin (9th grade) asked me why am upset when the interview had gone well. I said "I don't know how I will live without mom, u c I cant sleep unless she lays down by my side for 10 minutes." He laughed and made fun of me and I realized that am really grown up a hell lot to say those words. Washing cloths is one more problem, I never did that before. When I was working out the hostel life in my mind, I realized the 'princess' life am leading and the unmeasurable amount of love and pampering am receiving. Its certainly gonna be difficult for this princess to step down a little and wash cloths, clean room and eat the cold hostel food. IIT certainly had its own advantages!

Ayu is another precious gem I will be leaving and going. Am so used to her always being there with me that I dont know who is gonna solve my problems next. Am sure I being a poor eater will be very casual with food if she is not around I will end up sleeping empty stomach... damn... y cant every one be as good as her. All my friends are here, I wonder if I wil get any good people there, but it will never be the same thing again. Ah! Delhi... am gonna miss u lots.

The IISc campus was one big attraction, that one place had more trees than cement and the place looks beautiful! It was like a dream where there are benches in the heart of a forest and cold breeze flowing and lifting up the spirits. That place has a charm and lots of positive energy and ofcourse some magnetic powers thats mesmerisingly attractive. I fell in love with that place at the first sight. My department (MRC) had some very fine professors / scientist of the country all doing amazing work! I got a chance to talk to a few of them and each one seemed more down-to-earth and simpler than the other. It was as if the competition is for who is nicer and not for who is bigger. When the acting chairman told my dad "Dont worry, she will be safe here", I dont know about dad but I sure did stopped worrying.

Am all set to leave for Bangalore by this month end. Am happy that I have finally 'decided' on one thing. I know for all this is the right decision and maybe I will learn to handle the emotional storms sooner. I have to grow up like everyone else does and take my responsibility... I just hope things dont get too hard on me. Feeling very good after writing all this down. So badly needed an outburst. At-times like this when I really 'need' to talk, I cant find a better medium than my page. Bangalore, here I come :) :)

D Family Bond

2010-06-16T09:23:00.011+05:30

Hmph! Finally some time off for myself after almost a full month of hectic schedule... I wonder y life has to be so tough... how so ever hard I try to take time out to relax, it seems just impossible to manage things. The higher u climb the success stairs, the farther u move away from the comfort bed lying in the ground. Am tired of saying am tired, the daily grinding its eating me up now. They say "any idiot can handle crisis, its the day to day routine that worn one out"

Anyways talking about the 'hot happenings' of the last month, I had some amazing experiences and most of the part of it was 'fun to the core'. It was a cousin brother's wedding there in Chennai and I had an very good time with my family and little cousins. My bro is one of the members of the hugely populated 'South Indian > Engineer > NRI community' and he fortunately found his bride belonging to the same community. A lovely couple I must say (touch-wood) and I can bet that we cousins enjoyed their marriage more than they them-self would have.

The first and formost reason why I was dying to attend this wedding was that I badly badly needed a break and such social get-togethers are amazing excuses for the same. Secondly I wanted to display my very enthusiastically chosen 'blue saree', that I actually bought for some other function but due to unavoidable circumstances couldn't enjoy displaying it that time. Another reason was my interview in IISc which was scheduled at almost the same time, so right after having a very good time in Chennai, I went to Bangalore with a very fresh heart and mind to attend the interview of the top most research institute in India and luckily managed to maintain the same smile after the interview got over! So guess am in... now I need to choose between IIT-Delhi and IISc-Banglore. Both are having a huge list of good and bad points. IISc is the best but IIT is closer to house. Am getting almost the same topic and all guides are very good and well established people. Anyways not gonna talk about this confusion now, this post is dedicated to 'fun' and not 'work'.

So coming back to the fun part, all the naughty heads in one place sure results in pranks and leg-pulling. This is the time when age becomes no barrier and even nani and all older relatives enjoyed the stupid pj's we were cracking and all the funny frwd sms I was reading out to my cousins. There was a separate councilling session I organized for each of my cousins to make them feel more seriously about studies but that was of very short duration and not very explicitly done. It was just out of my habit and my concern about the kiddos. Other than that, the 'boss story' gonna be remembered by me for the whole of my life. We celebrated my IIT admission with 8 pet bottles of all the brands of soft drinks and 8 chips packets of all the possible flavors and made a mess in the AC room for which we had the keys. That was one big time celebration of my life. Yeah but then we had to clean up before we left the room for the elders.

Really had fun during the make up sessions, three girls > Saree > jewelery > make up kit > mirror > crazy!! The permutation and combination of jewelery, the saree setting act and react and reacted act and blah blah, the applying eye-liner then washing it and then starting again from moisturizer, then messing up with lipstick then scolding the little one then remaking the hair, carefully handling the glass bangles, fixing up hair styles, slipping off from the high heals every now and then, pushing each other back to see the mirror, adjusting and readjusting the damn saree.... every part of the 'getting ready' session was amazing and we three individually took more time than the bride, to get ready and didn't step out of the room till dad came knocking the door to declare that the ceremony is almost about to get over.

The food was perhaps a attraction for many. There was a huge variety of the typical south Indian food and trust me, the typical 4 course full meal needs lots of empty space in the stomach and we all had a real hard time to clean up the plate, errr... I mean leaf. I personally dont have much of a fascination for the south Indian cuisine and I prefer a simple roti dal anytime as compared to rice but then u don't get a menu list to decide in such functions. We all would have preferred the Mc.D burger over the heavy food but then we had our parents on our head and had to dig on the leaf. But anyways we tried hard not to waste food but the caterers dont leave you with much choice. When my Periamma asked me how was the food, I remember saying "Khila khila ke maar diya".

I would say this occation strengtened the family bond more tightly. With a busy life where even sibling dont get to see each other frequenly, its very difficult to keep in touch with cousins. But the amount of fun all of us had in 3 days is simply unmeasurable. We all met after a very long tiem and realised how much we have changed. All are scattered across the nation and keeping in touch at-times becomes very difficult but then maybe that is why we have festivals and functions for. It was hard for us when the masti got over and we all headed to our respective work places/ college/ school but then thats how Life goes right? If not for the regular days, the irregular days will lose charm :)

Life : The mystery.

2010-05-08T20:26:00.007+05:30

Mr. Einsten is sure very convinced about the fact that 'God does not play dice' and he once quoted "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."

As I grow up with life and experience the ups and downs, I realize the righteous of his words. This phase of my life where am living now, seems like a distant dream still so close. At times dreams come so closer to reality that one cant figure out if its a dream or reality. This is exactly what is happening to me, Now. There were days when I used to dream about standing in a huge seminar room giving a lecture and a huge crowd of audience present there listening to me so attentively. But those days I know I have to get up sooner and pack my bag and head towards college. That was a dream in dream... truly really a dream without a doubt. But now I have come so closer to this dream of mine that when I wake up, I get feelings like am almost there.

A few years back I was a simple sweet little under graduate student who was trying hard to establish herself in the society. Very low in confidence, shy, reserved these were possibly the most commonly used adjectives for me those days. But I grew, I evolved and I learnt. Yes am a changed and better person today and am really proud of myself for that. I possibly had the silliest reason to have joined a course on Physics, a subject which I never liked or enjoyed... But this silliest act of my life has turned out to be my wisest decision and within a month or two, I would be doing my Ph.D in this subject!

Ah! It feels good. I didn't get time to update here but I have cleared my CSIR-NET exam and have gotten the JRF. My All India Rank is 61, which is really very good and I wanted to thank all those friends and well wishers of mine who prayed for me. When my mobile was buzzing a day before exam and gmail inbox was receiving good luck cards, I really felt very happy releasing that I do have well wishers around and if not for them, this success would have been meaningless. Just one more exam to go and it will be the end of my M.Sc. Life's gonna take me higher to some bigger place and am really feeling very scared!

I cant express my emotions at this point of time. I stand at a road which is multi-laned and I need to chose the right path. I have options and more options and good options and better options and risky options and amazing options and wat not. All this is leading to a big time confusion and am really trying hard to keep my cool and to chose the best way. I have gotten interview calls from some of the finest IIT's and other research institutions but there are many factors to weigh on. I want a good guide, a good institution and a place closer to house. When there r so may factors, the priority list keeps shuffling and its leading tensions and stress! I don't know, I feel so torn apart these days, energy level running a big time low and head almost about to burst. Each day a new thing, a new news, a new offer and its adding to the confusions.

Life has been so hectic for me for the past 4 years and I badly needed a break after M.Sc for at-least a month. But guess am not gonna be blessed with that. There are many other unsolved issues hanging on my head and am just not able to handle all this. Feel like sitting and crying so badly... am so badly scared that I really feel like running away. But no! I have to face this. I will get back my confidence and will come up with some good news very soon.

Gonna miss this....

2010-04-23T20:34:00.009+05:30

Farewells are perhaps the 'toughest' part of a human's life. At-times I wonder, why cant we stay with 'our' people forever. Come to think of it, it takes so long to establish a deep relationship and by the time the real bond gets established, its time to move on and make new bonds. Of-course making new bonds doesn't mean breaking the old once but yeah when the attention gets diverted, then maintaining a relationship becomes a bit difficult. Its so rightly said, making a relationship is much more easier than maintaining it and such maintained relationships make way for sum great friendships!!

When I firstly joined M.Sc, I didnt really knew why am doing it except for the fact that it was the only link btw B.Sc. and Ph.D and since I knew I wil b doing the latter, I had to join M.Sc. Getting into this department was a cake walk and I had a very strong passion towards Physics which drove me through this whole 2 years. Never intended to make friends here... all I wanted from this place was knowledge and mastery of this subject. My department is perhaps the most 'student-friendly' and we got quite a flexible system here. And the final year electronics lab sure rocks - No attendance, No record files... its just ur dedication and hard work that pulls u through.

First sem was quite tough getting adjusted to this new system, facing 200 new faces and trying to make a stand. Classical mechanics tut classes used to be so scary with nothing getting into head and there used to be hardly any interaction in classes except for exchange of tut answers. Recognizing group mates and sub-group mates took away our major part of first sem and when that was done, it was exam days and first sem got wrapped up very soon. Second sem was fun with all of us spreading our wings and seriously creating friend circle. Can never forget those days when me n Ayu used to solve quantum tut questions sitting in the metro or outside csl. That time our ruling equation was 'study=fun' and I really really enjoyed a lot with amazing subjects, amazing teachers and books.

Final year electronics lab was probably the best part of the whole M.Sc. and I enjoyed this phase much more than my graduation days. 'Wonderful people' are the real asserts of the lab. There were laughter, smiles, music, giggles, tears, romance, irritations, frustrations... probably all the emotions you can think about, we experienced all of them in this one lab. A place which I would always remember having enjoyed the most. There is sumthing strange about this lab, before stepping inside the door everyone will b laughing and giggling and will be full of energy but as soon as one steps in, all the energy would have disappeared as if there are energy suckers fixed in the entry door and these energy suckers gives us our energy back when we step out.

Every group in the lab had a tale of its own and we were all far far from perfection but I always felt that my group was probably the 'best' among all the others since I never faced all those strange problems that my other friends faced. 'Friends' ya I got them from this lab. Real gem of people.... gosh! I wonder how can people actually be so good and caring. If not for these people, M.Sc. would have been a terrible experience but thanks to them, it turned out to be very exciting and fulfilling. All those small little things... 'apna adda', gol-gappa mess in class, Holi celebrations, photo sessions, after-result side effect, trouble-shooter family, make up sessions, the 'blue-liquid' party, the many movies, the mast gossips, the problem-solution series, internal exam preparation, CSL hangouts, zoobi-doobi dance, My smilies n kamla nagar mkt, jai javan chowmine, walk to metro station, deep fried burger treat.... memories! memories!! How badly i want them to stay forever....!!

I remember telling Ayu a month ago "Its not the people, its the time". But guess I was wrong. I always valued 'time' more than 'people' but now I feel mayb its the 'people' who make 'time' so special. I will always be very grateful to all these friends of mine and am not mentioning their names coz I know they dont need me to. Its a dual way path and I have always tried my best to give twice as much as I take but if unknowingly I have hurt any one of u, then I wil take this chance to apologize for that. U guys rock and I can never thank god enough to have brought people like you into my life. U all have taught me, and I learnt. U cared for me, and I acknowledged . U made me laugh, I felt happy. U supported me, and I needed it. U payed for food, I ate it. U solved tut sheets, I copied it. U made me study, I made faces. U asked me to write a blog, I did it :) :)

Standing out in crowd

2010-04-02T10:59:00.008+05:30

What will you call a girl who lives to eat… who is born as a ‘momma’… whose face is a pure reflection of her mind… who goes wild on the DJ beats… who suddenly starts singing and dancing on road… who just don’t like the crowded buses… whose bag is always loaded, be it the starting or the ending of semester… who gets damn angry when someone ignores her… who is silly enough to announce her stupid crush to the whole world… who maintains a meticulously completed class notes so that others can easily get it photocopied… who just don’t have the tolerance for negative things… who hates corruption and dishonesty… who wants things to be just ‘clear’, whatever it may take… who gets dreamy and goes to the dream world given a chance, but is quick enough to return to earth once shaken… who understands my unexpressed emotions and has learnt enough to take care of me without mine asking for help… well, I call her AYU.

Its been almost 5 years now… we met on the first day of admission in our under grad college. She imitates the first meeting scene so well, me the serious nerd walk over to her and says “excuse me, black pen hai”. Never expected this kinda friendship that time… the kind of friendship that we share, its very difficult to put in words. We are always together, to the extent that in our Dept. people actually get confused with our names and its nothing unusual when ppl call me as Ayushi n her as Shruti.

A variety of people come and go through our lives but only a few touches our heart and those few leave their impact on our lives. This girl has influenced me and supported me through my think and thins. When I turn back and imagine myself without this solid support, I shiver thinking how my life would have been. There were tough days and I have been the reason for her precious tears falling on ground but then if not for those days, I wouldn’t have gotten a chance to wipe them off and get her radiant smile back on place. I have tortured her a lot by not letting her take leaves, making her work in lab when she will be in absolutely no mood for that, openly showing disinterest in a few topics which she classifies as ‘interesting’, stopping her from eating all those road side junks that she considers ‘heavens’, scolding her rudely and badly for her little mistakes which now I feel I should have neglected… her life might have been much easier for her without me in it.

But at the end of the day, she says “Even if I don’t agree with you, I know you are right” and that one line would be enough to forgo all the silly misunderstandings. We have grown together… and learnt together. She has learnt to use her head and I have learnt to use my heart. Her ‘pravachans’ which I very conveniently ignore, has deep within really influenced me. A few common qualities and many uncommon qualities have deepened this bond. We have now reached a stage where we can predict each others moves… and at times this understanding amazes us. She knows what I really mean when I say ‘haan… am ok’ and when I say ‘mess ho gaya yaar’.

A few months from now and I don’t know which way our lives gonna take us to. We are done with the ‘farewell’ day and we both managed not to get senti and to enjoy the day to the fullest. But we know, the actually farewell is around the corner. Its gonna be tough if we part ways and its gonna be amazing if we manage to pull on for a few more years.

Hey Ayu ! I just wanted to give you a little surprise to tell you what you mean to me. Things will lose charm with passing time but words are the most precious gift I could have given to you. Kal ko kuch bhi ho, I will always feel lucky to have gotten a friend like you in my life. You were there… you are there and you will be there…! Am sure our kids will be proud of our friendship and will get something to learn from us. There is a whole wide world for you to reach and lot many small and big happiness just waiting to embrace u… go girl, conquer the world ! All the very best.

WHY??

2010-03-15T18:48:00.005+05:30

WHY do some days pass as the worst day of life with nothing falling in place since morning?

WHY does it becomes so difficult to present once point of view in a discussion and it ends up with mis-understandings and fights?

WHY cant people just stay happy with what they have and not try to snatch others things?

WHY don't people understand the importance and fun of leading a simple disciplined life?

WHY do one lie when saying the truth is a much better and guilt free way?

WHY is a pure feeling like 'LOVE' used as an excuse for doing the wrong things?

WHY are we losing our ethics in the process of modernizing the society?

WHY is it that the higher u climb, the more u fear the fall?

WHY cant I just run away to some silent place to spend 'my time' on myself?

WHY do people expect so much from me that it starts sounding like an obligation?

WHY is it so damn difficult to balance fun and work?

WHY is it there are times when I wanna help, but still feel so helpless?

WHY don't even 'MoM' can listen to the unspoken words?

WHY is it that sometimes there is just just 'NOBODY' who understands?

WHY do I sometimes so badly hurt my closest friends and still expect them to understand?

WHY is it that even after spending 2 hours, some meetings seem incomplete?

WHY is it that after making a 'right decision', we still reconsider?

WHY is it that making rules is much easier than following it?

WHY cant we just erase off the unwanted bad memories from our head and get things back to normal?

WHY isn't SORRY sufficient enough to ask for forgiveness?

WHY are casual sarcastic comments interpreted as insults and taunts?

WHY does the problem called "communication gap" exist with a booming communication technology?

WHY are the society norm so rigid that one develops a hatred towards the society?

WHY does a 2 o'clk meeting begin at 5?

WHY do I ask so many questions?

WHY are u reading this crap?

Holi @ Colg

2010-03-01T21:55:00.012+05:30

Officially am not supposed to be celebrating any festival this year coz of my Grandma's death but when it came to holi @ college, there is nothing official about it. Mom didnt sound too convinced when I informed her about my holi plans a week before, so I decided to underplay the whole scene this time. Bought colours well in advance and hid it in bag. Since friday was the last working day in college, after which our one week long mid-sem break started, we decided to play holi on friday.

We had planned a little party sorts before playing so everyone was supposed to be getting some 'goodies' to eat. Since am the only South-Indian in our gang, I wanted to get something typical. After some heavy thoughts, I decided on to 'kunuku' (dal-ka-pakoda as my friends later called it). I got up 5 in the morning to make it. When mom woke up and found me in kitchen, she passed me her typical suspicious look. I said I got a msg late at night and didnt get enough time to inform. I noticed when I lie, my hands tremble. It was almost 7:30 when I got done with the food packing and then rushed to get ready to go to college. Took a change dress and carefully slipped it into the bag.

We just had 2 morning lectures after which classes were suspended coz of the 'flower show' in the university. We got free by 11 and attacked on the Foooood!! There was lots of variety - bread pakoda, golden balls (made of suji), bread roll, dahi vada, petha, alu-paratha, dal-ka-pakoda and of course Gujiya! After we had filled our tummies, it was time to fill our hearts. We rushed to get our gulal packets and made a mess in the class running around and colouring each other. All shouting "happy holi","happy holi" and there was red, green and yellow all over the place. Sunny brought rose petals for Namrata and when he poured his love on her, there was this huge hooting!! It was so loud that the 'cleaning women' came and shooed us out of the class room. We then went out to the corridor to play.

Ayu took out her 'pakka colours' mixed it with water and got set to attack. First victim - her best friend, me ;) When she went to attack Savita, she was on phone dealing with her 'hitler' dad and got a little cross over Ayu for colouring her. This impulsive temperament of these two people did create friction and the whole plan was about to get flopped. At-times when two friends fight, it becomes very difficult for the gang to take sides! But thanks to the good old phrase "bura na mano, holi hai", things got into control soon and then started the whole splashing and running and attacking sessions. Come one, Come all... the gang was expanding slowly...

Guys on bike went to buy more and more colour. People emptying their water bottles on each others head. The 'guys' kinda holi was wild. WILD thats the word. Girls were still decent. People had a tough time managing their specks and mobile phones. Bags were nicely kept in a corner though library would have been a safer place but the guard out there said "iss halat mein anadar nahi jaa saktee". After we got a bit tired, we all started posing for photographs. There was this journalist from 'Dainik jagran' who was giving us situations to pose for and made us waste lots of gulal by throwing them in air for his photographs. There was dancing and clapping and singing. Since we couldnt manage a music player and we ourself had to sing, the song started and stopped at one line "rang barse bhege chunar wale rang barse". But even that tit-bit was fun.

After we had no energy left in us to continue further and the dried colors started irritating the skin, we decided to call off the celebrations. Went to the wash room to get cleaned. Savita had brought 'Lux' soap and there we started the rubbing and washing session. There were dialogs like "idhar kar" ,"udhar kar", "yaar yeh kese jaayega", "mein ghar kese jaoongi"!! After the cleaning up session, we moved on to see the 'flower show'. But we were all too tired to really 'enjoy' that. Few of us sat down and few others went to buy a few small stuffs. But at the end of the day when we were dispersing to our respective houses, we realized how much we all enjoyed the day.

P.S. This post is dedicated to two friends of mine - Ajay and Abhishek, who got promoted from being my 'friend' to 'good friend' after they started following my blog. I know you both are waiting for this post of mine, hope it stands to ur expectations!

D Backbenchers

2010-02-23T18:38:00.006+05:30

Its been almost 2 weeks since 3rd sem results are out, but still my department has not yet fully recovered. My results, much more than my expectations!! Seriously, this time every exam was a mess. I was under such a bad phase of life during the exam days that I had stopped expecting anything out of myself. But yeah sum incidents in life make my belief in God go stronger. I scored 80% this time. Cheese!!

Am not writing this to boast about my marks, rather I have a thought in my head which is disturbing me for the past two weeks. I was in bus going back home when I got to know my results thru sms. Next day morning when I was passing my million dollar smile to my classmates, it hurted me to receive back tears. I could find many gloomy faces, disappointment and sadness dropping from eyelids, people giving lectures on positive thinking, encouraging each other to face the world boldly and to move forward, people promising themselves that they will do well next time. Ayushi and Savita were busy consoling and saying "sab theek ho jayega". I couldn't do that. I stood alone in a corner, watching the whole scenario and crying softly.

I don't understand how can I go to sumone with 50% aggregate and say "sab theek ho jayega", when I just cant c and understand "sab theek kese hoga?". I don't understand how can I ask a person to smile when they have scored so low. I don't understand how can I celebrate my good marks when my near-n-dear once are sad. I tried to stay away from all these discussions. When such sensitive topics starts, I always prefer isolation. I don't like and just cant see anyone crying. It makes me feel very low. I forgot all about my happiness and got very disturbed.

That day in lab when I was working with my circuit, Mung came. He was working sitting next to me when he congratulated me for my results. When I asked him, he said his aggregate is 30%. I froze for a second. He didn't notice and continued his talk. He said "When I was doing my graduation, I was the topper in my university. That time when my brother used to score less, I used to tell him to study. But now I realize, sumtimes one doesn't score well even if he studies". I put my circuit down and looked at him. He stopped his work, looked at me and said "Shru... when u become a professor and u c that a student has not scored well, don't think he is not studying". tap... tap... tap... there my precious tears which I was holding on since morning finally started falling. Mung tried to stop me and he felt bad thinking he has hurt me. But that's not true. 'He' didn't hurt me, its sumthing else that has actually hurt me. And I still have not figured out what it is.

Next day for the morning 10 o'clk lecture, I was a little late so missed out on the first bench. Though I could have managed a seat in the front rows, I took this as a chance to go and sit in the last bench. Incidentally, Mung came and sat next to me and said "Probably its the first time in this sem that u r sitting in the last bench". My mental dialogue "Its the first time in my whole life that am sitting in the last bench"! I noticed many things sitting from there. Firstly, its very difficult to concentrate on the lecture when ur neighbor is busy pressing the keypad of mobile phone constantly or eating lunch or discussing the blue eye-shadow with blue jeans! I tried my best to concentrate on the 'green-board' but I noticed that when u don't c the writings on the board so clearly from the last seat, a certain level of frustration develops which doesn't let a person enjoy the lectures. Sitting in the first bench, I used to get lost during lectures and it used to feel like sir is taking a private tuition for me. But when u r on the last bench and u c 200 heads in front of u, all shaking and doing all the possible acts, one sure gets distracted.

After the lecture got over, I shared my observations with my friends (d frontbenchers) I got to hear arguments like "y don't those ppl interact with us", "we never deny for notes", "y don't they ask sir to write boldly if they cant c", etc. etc. "Those ppl" here refers to the backbenchers. I noticed that a 'class' is broadly divided into two groups, the frontbenchers and the backbenchers. I realized its very easy for the frontbenchers to ask doubts coz they see only 'sir' in front of them while for the backbenchers, they see 'sir' after crossing 200 heads and that makes their life tougher.

Yeah but one thing I don't understand yet, y do people sit in the backbench when they want to score like the frontbenchers!

Memorable wedding.

2010-02-12T16:55:00.018+05:30

It was an usual lunch break in college last year when we came to know from Namrata that she is gonna get married next year. ‘Next Year’ sounded so far that time… even a month ago, we were having fun teasing her with the count down of days… didn’t really realize that this smart looking easy-going girl is actually gonna get ‘Married!!’

She being the first in the group to be entering the new life, was handling things really maturely and calmly. We, being kid at heart were jumping around her like little tad-poles. The day she showed her "would be's" pic in the lab, half the group went flattttttttt !! Every corner of the lab was murmuring, "How lucky". n there were giggles n laughs all over the place. That was a day ! She has taken a leave for almost 2 weeks from the college and when it was the day for us to see her off, we all hugged her one by one and wished her luck.

Her marriage was yday and we were all invited for the occasion but since the venue wasn't so easily accessible by all and since not everybody got the permission to attend the wedding at night, we decided to attend the morning ceremony. We were instructed by her to 'reach' her house by 11. Since it was a group of 9 girls all scattered across Delhi, we decided to meet at the metro station near her place sharp at '11'. Me and Ayu, the ever punctual reached 10 min before time. Neha and Sonum joined us within 15 min and they were coming directly from the college after attending a 'lecture'. Studious people, yeah!! Megha and Savita joined in shortly and then started the make up and touch up session (in front of the metro exit gate!!!!). Yes d act did invite many unwanted and unacknowledged stares but then we were all too busy and excited to bother for such things. Eyeliner, lipstick, gloss, comb... all passing on from one hand to other and all taking extra efforts to make sure that everyone looked good ! Our touch-up session ended when Smita, Bharti and Shalini finally joined us and we all set to move to the 'brides house'

Megha

Bharti Smita

Ayushi Savita Shalini Sonam Neha

On reaching her house, we got a very warm welcome from her and her family. Her little cousin was allotted the duty to stand at the door and say “namaste”… the cute little girl had a tough time blushing sheepishly and receiving the crowd of crazy giggling girls!! Namrata looked happy and as calm as ever with those lovely mehron-golden beaded ‘kalereen’ hanging from her hand.We all got a welcome hug from her and then shifted to her room to chit chat with her. Thanks to the time we spent out-side the metro station, we had missed the ceremony she had invited us for! But never-the-less, we knew we had much more to do there than attend ceremony.

We were giggling around, eating bread-pakoda and discussing all the possible topics that was coming to our head when we heard the 'dhol' noise and Shalini announced that she knows how to play the 'dhol'. Bravo! what more can we want. We moved out of the brides room taking her along with us, sat in a circle and Shalini started playing the Dhol. Megha after a little pressure and pleading done by us, agreed to sing. That was some fun. We made a circle around the bride and there was dancing and singing and dhol and ofcourse lots of comments and giggling. It was sure sure Fun !! And one could hear "mazaa aa gaya" every second minute from some one or the other. After we all got tired and sat down, the family members continued with their rituals and went out for a ceremony called 'ghardoli'.

We preferred to stay back with our friend and asked her about how it 'feels' to get married. There was sum kinda mixed emotions in her eyes. She was happy for sure, for the new life... she was excited but yeah was nervous too. But we switched over the topic realizing the fact that we are there to lighten up the atmosphere and not to make it heavier! It was a little funny when she enquired how the final year project is shaping up and how many classes she has missed. But with Auyshi around, she needn't really worry about the missing class notes! When her relatives came back, we all got ready to leave when her parents made us wait for lunch. Namrata got busy with her other rituals and we started planning to watch 'my name is khan' next week. Soon the lunch was served and we went for it in sub-groups (sharing plates) so that we don't make much of a mess there. After the yummy food, it was time for us to leave after giving her our heart-felt wishes!!

Every moment spent was enjoyable and cherishable. It was the first time I had attended a 'friend' wedding. As compared to cousin's or family friend's or neighbor's wedding, a friend's wedding is sure much more enjoyable. This day will stay as a very happy memory of our college life in all our hearts. When we all parted off from the metro station, we exchanged the invitations for our own wedding... ofcourse invitations have been sent out without the slightest clue of whats in store for us in our future... but if things really go as planned, it would actually be so much Fun!

~ Unspoken words ~

2010-01-23T21:30:00.009+05:30

What is there for me to cry for

when u too could feel my pain

what is there for me to hate u for

when u understood it all so plain.

I knew this day gonna come

I will lose the rights to think about u

I tried to pull as far as I could

my feelings were ever so true.

I wish I had never felt all that

I wish I hadn’t said all that

I wish I hadn’t fallen so badly

why did we had to part off so sadly?

words will never be enough

to convey what I felt

my wet eyes tried to speak

if only I had let u see

I wanted u to stop me

not let me just walk away

there was still so so much

for me to say !!

U were all I was living for

U were all I was waiting for

guess I lost my destination

walking in the path of success.

A day changed my life

A moment changed my world

I started hating myself

for not giving u enough.

If I were indeed a 'perfect computer'

true to what u once said,

it would have been so much easier for me

to delete u from my memory.

Sigh! Am a human being

I got a heart inside

and this pain is too hard on me to take

help me someone, for god’s sake!

New Year... New Outlook

2010-01-01T10:32:00.008+05:30

This is gonna be a very very special post for me, reason being this is my 50th post here. Ah! My blog page... am the proud owner of this page... Feels so good!!

As the new year starts off... am feeling a little nostalgic. With vacations on and nothing purposeful to do, my thoughts are all clinched to the past, reminding me of all the small mistakes to big blunders I have made, from all the little good things to the major achievements I have received, from all the thick friends to all the unforgettable foes I have gained... Yes! there r definitely two sides of every coin!

They say "A person grows up the day he has a real laugh at himself"... I realized I have enuf reasons to laugh at myself, guess am grown up now! The process of growing up has always been a fascination for me. I always craved to archived a perfection in that act for which I make resolutions every year and at the end of the year when I open my diary to the first day, I pass myself a proud smile. That is how it goes for me, every year. The resolutions are nothing too great, just the small little things. Last year I had resolved to b regular in blogging and to post at-least 1 post every month. U can c for urself, I did it! Last year I had resolved that my mobile bill wont exceed Rs.100, and it never did. Though I do resolve not to cry every year, there actually hasn't passed a single month when I don't shed tear. Resolutions are made... some make it to last stage, some gets broken soon, some are made to be broken and some are just forgotten.... Still they r all so special !

This year, I have resolved not to make any resolutions. This New Year gonna be seen with a new outlook... am going in for a 'change'. Though I had always hated that word 'change' but there comes a stage in every one's life when things get too monotonous. Am quite tired of my life coz its missing that 'sumthing'! My life has ever been very smooth and clear. I archive my goals coz I work too damn hard. I never give myself a chance to fail but I realize this 'over protection' has in a way deprived me of sum of the failures which might have made me stronger. Am so used to victories that even small disappointments drive me to a hyper state of depression. Am looking forward to this year hoping to receive failures my way. I really wanna experience that. I wanna see how much of 'bad things' I can tolerate. I wanna see myself breaking down... am tired of the simple life, time for sum thing more challenging and 'interesting'.

Though it sounds a little vague when I say "don't wish me good luck, wish me bad luck", but I really really wanna experience that. There is just one life a person gets and they say one should enjoy it to fullest. Its never a surprise when I find my name in the toppers list, neither does it ever surprise those who get the news. Its like a routine these days. Come to think of it, I know I start studying for my final sem exam since the first day so there isn't anything surprising when I top. Surprise will be when I don't top even after studying so much or when I do top without studying so much. The first category will be a painful act so I wont wish for that but yeah if the second thing happens, then that's sumthing! I don't know how its gonna work but yeah mayb I can try a new outlook for one sem at-least. After all, this last sem is gonna be the last phase of my academic career. I will b stepping a professional life in the mid of the year, so y not take a chance?

Change is always for the better, right?? Lets see....

Wish u all a very happy and satisfactory New Year !!!

My first award

2009-12-28T10:09:00.010+05:30

Hey Meenakshi !! Welcome to my world :)

This new friend of mine has awarded me with the honorable "No Name Award". This being my first award is very close to my heart... a friendship starting with an award, guess long way to go!!

Oh! I have so many people to thank (a customary dialogue, read in hell lot of blogs). The almighty up there who has blessed me with enough patience to tolerate the torture my modem creates by disconnecting every 10 mins, my parents who have given me enough independence to blabber any damn thing here and not peeping in to check what all I write, my friends who consistently get bugged by me and under such forceful circumstances do drop in comments and ofcourse my fellow bloggers whose constant comments and encouragments has been a source of inspiration and has always boosted up my spirits.

After all that formal stuff, lets get back to business. There are certain rules associated with this award. The rules are:

* List 7 things about yourself that nobody knows.

* Pass on this award to 7 other people.

* Comment on thier blog and let them know that they are tagged.

Here goes the Tag...

1) I love my dad much much much more than Mom... though Mom is a better friend!

2) Just a few seconds before you read this, my email password was 'password'

3) I wanna buy a scooty with my first stipend.

4) I never wanna look good coz it attracts nasty looks and I hate it !

5) I value three things the most - time, money and words. Nothing of it is ever spent without calculations ;)

6) My ultimate dream is to be a writer :)

7) I drive car bare foot, I just dont have the confidence when my shoes are on.

So as the rule goes, I need to tag 7 fellow bloggers.

Neha : http://idontlykblogging.blogspot.com/ (wake up girl !!!)

Karthick : http://karthickspeaks.blogspot.com/ (do it buddy!)

Adisha : http://adiws3.blogspot.com/ (U been lost for a long time now!)

Angel : http://cutestangel.wordpress.com/ (Take it up girl! its fun!!)

Jack : http://niceguy251.blogspot.com/ (would love to know ur secrets)

Gopsay : http://gopal1993.blogspot.com/ (Dint visit u for long. wil do it soon)

Siva : http://hamactor.wordpress.com/ (new blog uh?)

My Life... My way... !

2009-12-24T18:22:00.009+05:30

It sure hurts when 'others' prove u wrong but I speak out of my own experience that it hurts more when ur own conscience proves u wrong. Every person is answerable to their own guilt, its just the capacity to hang on with the guilt, that varies from person to person. Guess, this is what differentiates the 'strong' and the 'weak' personality.

Given this criteria, I for sure am weak. Am so protective about myself that I never let myself do things outside the fixed set of rules am living with. I call it discipline, many call it punishment.

I never understood why ppl find it so difficult to believe that am actually living my life very happily and satisfactorily. If my definition of 'fun and happiness' doesn't tally with others, then will that mean am not enjoying? Hello !! Firstly I don't understand y I need to give an account of my way of living to others? Ok fine, even if I relax that a bit and say am answerable to my near and dear's coz they have a concern on me, still I cant c my life from their point of view right?

I don't like watching TV aimlessly for hours together, I don't like to waste my time lazying around day dreaming, I don't like chit chatting on phone for hours together, I don't like the worried look in my mom's face when I get late, I don't like to eat junks from road side, I don't like to pile up my wardrobe for the heck of it, I don't like to cheat, I don't like to hurt others, I don't like to lie, I don't want to get drunk, I don't wanna try drugs, I don't want to party a day before exam, I don't like to neglect my family, I certainly never wanna mocker my teachers, and the list goes on....

Is it too crumbled and twisted when I say 'I DON'T' like these things. Y is it so difficult for others to believe that am actually speaking from my heart. Am no hypocrite who wanna sell herself. If ppl don't like me, they r free to move away, am not holding on to anyone. But then what is so difficult in it to understand? Ofcourse its irritating when I listen to the phrase 'U don't live ur life'. And I have till now heard it in more than 20 voices, more than 50 times!!

What is happiness for me? Well... it is when I reap the rewards for my hard work. The minute I see my mark-sheet, I forget about all the boredom and pain I felt during the preparation period. I always choose the longer but safe routes, no short-cuts for me please. Happiness is when u enjoy what u r doing... when u know y u r doing this? what u will gain with that act? whats the purpose of this task? I always associate such questions to every doing of mine, right from blinking to eating. There has to be a logic behind every step I take. I need answers, I ask questions. I kinda love these mental dialogues which keep buzzing in every second and every second dialogue sounds 'worth blogging' to me. But yeah I need to take out time to sit and type all those. Long live blogger world! Such a lovely medium to pour down thoughts.

D FeeL GooD Factor

2009-11-01T07:19:00.004+05:30

Ah! Well... I am feeling a little low on life. No 'one' particular reason as such, just that some unplanned/out-of-the box incidents has shaken up the smooth sailing boat of my life. Why is it that things don't work the way I want it to? How did I got so weak on my emotions that I couldn't figure out what am doing? 'I' the head-strong girl who always stood by her plans, who could always discriminate the right n wrong things, who so proudly used to say 'I don't do the wrong things'... I hated seeing myself going so weak.

No I haven't committed a crime to be feeling so guilty about. Am not feeling guilty about my act but am feeling bad about the 'wrong timing'. "I didn't want it at this time" that was what I said right after telling HIM those 3 words....!! Well yeah!!

Don't scroll down expecting a filmy love-story... sorry to disappoint you but nothing interesting is cooking up. I didn't convey that to get to hear the sweet-nothings from him. Rather very frankly speaking, I don't know why I did that. But as if that was not all, I didn't even try to get to know the response. How damn idiotic! You know what, I feel like shouting at myself "Get a hold girl! what are you upto?" n very unfortunately, I don't have an answer to that question. Its not in my hands. Damn! What have I done!

So now that I have messed up my life good enough to be trying to resolve things, I have decided not to let myself go low. Time for some positive thinking n to 'feel good'. What has happened, is past and past cant be remade. So now, how to feel good? I have seen people doing weird acts when they go low. Ayushi generally 'eats' like a mini monster when she feels low. Seriously, she can eat anything to everything during her off moods. But that never works for me. Rather I personally lose interest in eating during my low time but yeah I get on to cooking n I cook exceptionally well during my off-moods. The worst the mood is, the better the food is :)

My general golden rule during such days will be to take so much of work in hand that I get no time to even 'feel' low. But I realized that when I do that, am in a way punishing myself for no good reason. Rather in general people take a break during such time. But a break at this time with semester exams on head and entrance exams to give? Doesn't sound like a good idea right? So then what else can I do? Yeah listening to peppy music did help but that was very short-lived. I changed all the retro sad songs in my play-list with unbearable loud rock music, but that's only causing me a headache and doing no good.

My mom have this bad habit of whining and crying during her mood offs but I don't like to dramatize and seek attention so I don't do that. Dad generally go out (donno where exactly) but am too lazy n low in confidence to roam about alone so I cant even do that. Bro watches those stupid cricket matches or cartoons in TV the whole day when ever he feels low but am not a TV person, rather if am to be precise, I hardly watch TV for 10 min a day in general. One of my cousin used to take up the car and go on drive when upset. But am too miserly a person to waste money on petrol for such stupid reason. I have seen people crying out on phone to friends... well... I don't feel like doing that too.

Though am absolutely normal while talking with my friends and during all other activities but still I feel something from inside is pulling me down to stop... think... and to get a hold of things. I feel like talking and discussing the matter in a brighter light but then am not sure if it will untangle the maze or will make the scenario worst. As of now, I cant say am sad. No am not sad or disappointed but am just feeling a little low. I have always felt that these emotions, sentiments... all such humanly feelings bring down the net efficiency of doing work. If I were not a human, I would have been so much more efficient than what am now.

Oh! I started diverting from the topic. So I was to feel good right? Nirula's hot chocolate fudge didn't do its magic on me n neither are the long walks helping. Books seems to have lost charm and PJ's don't tickle my humor cells anymore. I have stopped passing on my sweet smile and look lost these days. My 'sparkling' eyes look so dull that I don't stand in front of the mirror. Am trying my level best to boost up my spirits and working hard to feel good. Tried the 'look good, feel good' policy but that too in vain. Blogging was my last option so am looking onto it. Guess am tending towards depression but I cant let myself go down.

I bet I wont be sounding so low in my next blog post. I will cheer up myself. Please put in ur feel good factors and I will sure try them out for myself.

For u Crabby...

2009-10-06T18:24:00.010+05:30

Wishing for a magic wand,
to help all those who are sad.
I don't want it for me
its just smile that I wanna see.

Feeling helpless and sad,
Oh! this feeling is so bad
heart-aching seeing a friend in pain,
sympathy, is that a gain?

Where is God when things go wrong,
whom was I worshiping for so long?
'Good people deserve good things',
to this policy I always clinched.

I wish I could help out.
In my own net, am caught.
Feeling like breaking free,
for the smile I wanna see.

No words to say,
No need to convey,
Silence speaks it all loud
Searching the silver lining in the cloud.

Unbelievably shaken from inside,
Yes! Yes! lots I cried.
Am I to be labeled weak?
For strength, whom to seek?

How much is actually too much?
How much can one take?
How can one manage a smile,
which looks so fake!

"My prayers are always answered",
So proudly I used to say.
Guess its working no more
even if its from the inner core.

Oh God! Please bless my friend
with so much hope and strength
That he stand tall in the high-tide
Am sure there by his side :)

Trouble - Shooters

2009-09-09T20:30:00.013+05:30

Am getting a 'welcome back home' kinda feeling while seeing my dashboard after almost 20 days. After three consecutive non-stop week of hectic schedule, I finally decided to take a day off tomorrow, essentially coz "am too tired" n sick of my routine now. Though I feel very guilty when I bunk classes or take leaves but this time I have managed to convince myself very well that I do honestly deserve at least a day off.

The new session i.e. the final year of my 'studies' started last month. I was to choose a specialization subject n I opted for my ever favorite 'electronics'. Though I had always found electronics lab much more challenging n interesting that all the other labs, the initial days in my Electronics (final) lab was making me regret my choice. Unlike the earlier labs where we used to work in pairs n were given full liberty to choose our partners, here we are supposed to work in a "group" of 6, with absolutely no liberty to choose partners. By god's grace n with constant pleading, our professors agreed to keep me n Ayushi in one group... cheesee!!!

The basic requirement in a group as per our 'laboratory norms' is its heterogeneity @ marks, @ gender, @ discipline, @ responsibility... etc. etc.!! My group consist of 3 girls n 3 boys... I wil b introducing them one by one but believe me the first word that I said when I found out my group's content was "OMG!!" I had always enjoyed group work n I know I can easily bind with people coz I personally love to analyze everyone which in turn, helps me in understanding them. Of course by virtue of habit, I tend to dominate n don't trust anyone easily which creates slight friction when I get into this group work business but since I know my weak points, this time I decided to work on them.

Let me now introduce u to my group people, now my friends!! Oh by the way, after a series of discussions n arguments n wastage of time, we have named our group "Trouble Shooters" n the biggest trouble shooter is Ajay, our group leader. There doesn't pass a single hour when Ayu n Ajay don't fight. These two r like Tom n Jerry n doesn't need 'reason' to fight... any damn thing will work wonders!! I personally love the brain war I have with Ajay when he tries to act over smart n I will be trying to pull him down to ground. But we both have no personal grudges n adore each others thoughts, though ours doesn't match. Best part with Ajay will be when I will be giving him instructions as in "what to do" "what not to do" "what to ask others to do" n stuff n he will be nodding his head heavily in all possible directions n I will be wondering sarcastically "Group leader, ah?"

Next one to come in picture will be 'Gin Suan Mung'... no am not talking french neither is it a spelling mistake, thats the name of a flirt guy in the group who asks me "Shru, can I sing for u"... well... he sings well!!! Singing is something which I get to hear from him daily but he is sumone who doesn't mind dancing in the lab n will always make sure that I pass a smile when I will be in my 'hyper tension' state. A very sweet guy who always makes stupid excuses when it will be his turn to go n fill everyone's water-bottle. Then there is Punit who always stays in invisible mode but got such a strong luck line that the very minute sir asks for him, suddenly he will appear from the middle of no where. A guy whose concepts are crystal clear, very outward who talks about 'treat' n 'food' all the time but finishes his 'part' of work, neither little extra, nor little less.

The girl left other than Me n Ayu is Meenakshi... a nice girl who works really hard. Very punctual who will make sure that she announces her departure to each n every corner of the lab... her departure event will take 30 minutes from her n at-last she will realize that everyone but for her has left the lab. Stays a little lost n confused n will come to me giving me an expression of "am totally messed up"!! N when I give her simple solution, she will give an expression of "am so confused"... then I will giv her a short councilling session n she will get boosted up n will get back to work. Ayu of course, my bestest friend as usual always charming who asks me to mind my own work n not to waste my time doing others work. Who will come to me shouting "learn to say no!!"

In nut-shell my initial expression of "OMG" has changed its meaning in this one month... now I say, OMG such lovely group. All 6 of us have now understood each other n don't mind the cross talks. Ajay don't mind when I tell him "U got no brains!" n neither did Mung get hurt when he asked me to accompany him to football finals n I said "I have better things to do". Meenakshi doesn't seem to get offended when I de-solder her 3 hour job n ask her to do it again teaching her how to do it properly. We joke together, dance together, literally run around in lab chasing each other to fight, discuss each n everything we learn, exchange notes, blah blah!!

My extended one week birthday celebration was thrilling with such friends around. Oh by the way last month 27th August was my birthday n I have turned 21 now. I so badly wanted to blog but just couldn't squeeze out time. But these friends will b my best birthday gift. We have made certain rules to be followed which includes 'party after finishing each experiment'... n Mung n me r gonna dance ;)

New friends into the kitty always makes me feel so lucky !!!

Oh My My !!

2009-08-15T22:21:00.008+05:30

Where has all the time in this world gone??

All those days when I used to hang on online, full time available to chit-chat.... all those days when I used to clean up house for no particular reason... all those days when I used to cook dinner coz 'I felt like'... all those days when I used to cribble about getting bored... all those days when I aimlessly used to refresh my GMail inbox hoping for sum email to read... all those days when I used to just 'click click' on blog, from one profile to another to another to another.... all those days when I wished for the college to reopen n to get sum purposeful thing to do.... well all those days have become 'history' now!

Now my days break open at 6 with my mobile singing "Aashayeen (Iqbal)". Then hurriedly wishing everyone a good morning with a confused look wondering if mine wil be the same... brushing teeth while checking the bag to see if all the notes r there, recollecting who took the statistical note yday, the particle physics note? Oh! where has this electronics note gone now... boy! wat a start of the day.... recollecting who all to be reminded to return the notes n there starts the early morn sms session. "Bring the falana falana note".

Mom will be shouting from the kitchen, "what do u want for the lunch?" n my usual reply "any damn thing mom, who got the time to eat it?" but still I wonder y she asks me daily...!! So where was I? Yeah brushing teeth... oh done with it now... time for the morn booster dose, my hot cup of filter coffee... nooo no time to say "hmmmm" just sip sip n get going. Some pending assignments wil b lying there in the table n I wil get glued to it n before I wil realise, dad will come knocking the study door n reminding me its past 7. Wat? 7 soo soon.... I got up an hour earlier, no use... y cant time stop for me to finish up with this last question. I wonder how come I always get stuck to the 'last question' when dad calls... anyways no time to think, I better rush to have a bath. No splash splash games like I used to do in vacations... just pour the bucket of water over the head n move.

Daddy... where is the red kurta I asked u to press yday... Oh my black jeans, who put it for wash without asking me? My hanky? socks? shoes? I aksed u ppl so many times not to touch my things!!! Its 7:30 already...!! Bhai put my mobile on charger.... err... no better wil b to put the charger in my bag... err... no u dont touch my bag, u will take away my red pen... err... ok u better put the charger in my bag but dont take away my red pen... err... wait, I wil do it myself. Okk so what is left? Oh breakfast! Mooooooom... where is my corn flakes?? Oh btw what is thr for lunch today? Dadddy... pls keep the water bottle in my bag n check my purse, I guess its empty.

"tring tring" Ohh... Ayushi's miss call... this girl always leaves 5 min before. Its 7:45, I ask her to leave at 7:50 daily... watever... let her wait, I still have my shoes to put on. Mayb the socks I can wear in bus... bye mom! bye dad! bye bro! There I finally leave my "home sweet home" n rush to the bus stop where I need to wait 5 min for the bus n I would be wishing I had used that 5 min to finish my 'last question'. There to interrupt my thinking process, the bus wil arrive n Ayushi wil wake me up. After changing 2 buses I reach college by 8:50 to book the first seat, n me n Ayushi will exchange big smiles as if we have won some award... thats how we feel when we 'finally' reach colg.

There the 1st lecturer wil arrive sharp at 9 n wil leave around 10:05. The 2nd lecturer wil b cross on the 1st one for over-shooting the time n as a revenge will take class till 11:10 which in turn will annoy the 3rd lecturer n he will leave us at 12:15. Boy! 12:00 to 12:15 was the official 'lunch' time. Now u wil get y I said "no time for lunch". Sharp at 12:15 we have to report in the lab, which will go on till 4:15 n mind u, 4:15 is the official closing time but the faculty 'expects' us to drag on... n we do drag on coz there is actually so much work! So what-ever time we r done with the lab, we sigh wishing the 'home' to come to us so that we can relax for sum time... but then "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride them". After a few exchange of sympathetic words, we would all bid good bye to each other.

I generally reach home by 6. Wash my face, drink water, get changed to my tracks n tees n off for a walk. Am purposely maintaining the walk schedule coz I really feel relaxed that 1 hour. It rejuvenates the energy n I feel very fresh with that act. When I come back, I dont really get time to sit with my family to give them the details of what all is happening... rather its been quite a long time I 'talked' to them properly... coz the moment I come back from walk, its time for a bath n then with a bag loaded with assignments, I get to work. Honestly, I feel very bad am not able to spend time with some of the 'most imp' people in my life. But I dont feel like 'talking' with pending work in head. Its only around 11/12 when I finish off with studies that I feel free, but then they would have all slept by then so I would just check up mails, reply to those few n sleep off.

I miss the blogger stuff... being so long I read anybodies. Once upon a time, it was my best pastime but now I hardly get time to 'pass'...!! Today I got holiday after almost 15 days coz I am attending coaching classes for my CSIR-NET exam during weekends which r equally as long as college classes... so today being the Independence day, I had decided to give my self some Independence with the daily routine n sit to blog. But since morn, I couldn't get the freedom to do so. Had so much to study... but yeah, today eve I spent sum quality time with my family giving them my updates n I even apologized for almost 'ignoring' them so badly these days... but they understand.

Guys am sorry I didnt quite get enough time to check up anybodies blog. But I wil make sure I read all the pending post as soon as I squeeze out some time. Life is Hectic!!!

Scope 4 Improvement.

2009-07-28T11:52:00.011+05:30

Triggered by a question "how much is too much?" here I start....

I have always felt n was told by many many many people that I over-do things. Ayushi always gets irritated by my extreme mood swings. There is never a moderation, how so ever hard I try! Yesterday my M.Sc. first year results were finally out after a long time waiting. Since I had already lost 5 of my precious marks by applying for re-evaluation in a subject I considered myself best in, I wasnt expecting too great results this time. I had kinda prepared myself very much well for not seeing my name in the top 10 list. Yeah that was a negative attitude, I agree! Am a very positive person for others but when it comes to myself, there cant be anyone more rude n harsh n bad for myself than me! Am my best critic. With a well prepared heart mind n soul when I was searching my name in the list, starting from the bottom, I was shocked to find it as the 2nd topper. I seriously couldnt believe what I was seeing n started crying. Believe me or not, I saw my result at 11 n till 2 I was sitting in front of the library, Crying unable to believe that am not dreaming! Later when I convinced myself that I have actually scored so well, I went back to the notice board n Ayushi made me feel my marks by placing my fingers on the list.

There when I saw the topper's mark, I found I lost that position by 3 marks. Suddenly I felt, if I hadnt lost those 5 marks, I would have topped with 2 grace marks. Its sad I think like that. I know. But yeah that thought did flash-in for a second n I cant deny that. Though I completely erased it in a jiffy classifying it as a 'negative thought' but yeah it did occur to me for once. Its an irony, few minutes ago a result which looked unbelievable to me suddenly sounded short by 3 marks. Its not that am not satisfied with my marks now, rather am much more than satisfied n kept telling everyone that I scored much more than expected n am very happy. None of the mentioned words r false. But yeah maybe if I had not lost those 5 marks...!!!

Once during a convo with a friend, he asked "Am I expecting too much from her?" The fact was that, he wasnt really... its just that he was expecting an acknowledgment for his acts if not reciprocation n I dont think that will b called 'expecting too much'. But then how do we decide what is 'too much' n wat is not? Say for example in my first yr grad, I scored 74%, if I had convinced myself that its a good mark then probably I would have never scored 90% in 3rd year. I could do that coz I was not satisfied with my marks in first year n wanted to improve. There is always a scope of improvement left in any of our acts. But then if we start improvising big things, wont we miss out on small small things?

There r two choices:

a) be satisfied with what all u r getting
b) run in the rat-race n smell the thrill of achievement.

I dont know which one is better. When it comes to marks n position n status, I have set quite high standards for myself n will always go in for the (b) option but yeah for friends n family n social standards, am very much with option (a).

I was just running a short list of things which I think will come under the category of 'too much'. Lemme jot down :

Showing concern is Human, but dictating terms... is Too Much!

Misunderstandings happens, but fight... is Too Much!

Competing is healthy, but harming other... is Too Much!

Having self-confidence is fine, but looking down at others... is Too Much!

Praying to god for good result is obvious, but not studying for that... is Too Much!

Being innocent is helplessness, but acting idiotic... is Too Much!

Being flexible to changes is fab, but flowing with the tide always... is Too Much!

Giving treat is fun, but spending lavishly n wasting food... is Too Much!

Rains are heavenly, but the follow up 12 hr power cut.. is Too Much!

Pulling a friend's leg is enjoyable, but ending up hurting them... is Too Much!

Gossiping is notorious, but back-biting... is Too Much!

Over speeding in high-way is sure thrill, but same done in a market place... is Too Much!

Looking at girls is okie, but making them feel like an item for sale... is Too Much!

Doing a wrong act can be justified, but not feeling guilty for it... is Too Much!

Helping sumone is noble, but making them dependent... is Too Much!

Planting a tree is to be encouraged, but not watering it... is Too Much!

Fever is unfortunate to have, but being made to stick to bed the whole day... is Too Much!

Studying late night for exams is worth it, but missing out the essential 6 hr sleep... is Too Much!

Being busy is a fact, but not sparing a sec to reply to a friend's message who bothered to remember u in their good/bad time... is Too Much !

Getting stuck in traffic jam is unavoidable, but not bothering to inform that to sumone waiting for u... is Too Much!

Pouring frustation on blog is natural, but attempting to use all the words of English Dictonary on one post... is Too Much! Guess, I wil stop here.

First crush?

2009-07-21T14:33:00.009+05:30

Ahem! Ahem! Give me a min... let me stop blushing first..!!!

Okk.. so for all those wondering 'wat the hell' am doing with this topic amidst studies n other pile of 'most important' list of work I got, well.... am just closing down a very special chapter of my life. I didnt title it 'confession' coz am not gonna do that... but in a way it wont b too wrong to title this as one.

The root cause for surfacing of this topic on my page again after quite a long time, was a school get-together I had last weekend. It was one of the biggest get-together we ever had after school days... we were 9 of us meeting up after 4 years...!!! Ah! I was so excited to meet them all... had so much to talk about... to enquire... to know.. to react to... to laugh... to cherish! I had carried an old school-time photo album n turning the pages took us 4 years down the lane. I felt like the small little school girl n no more like a would b lecturer...!! No wonder ppl say school days were the best. I never agreed to it before coz I always felt its 'fun to grow up'. But now I realise, its more fun to be growing up... fun is in the process n not in the destination!

We were playing 'truth-or-dare' sitting there in the coffee house... a closed packed group of 9 old friends... I knew am never gonna forget this moment! Truth-or-dare isn't a new game for me, had played it so many times in college n ever proud of the fact that I have absolutely No so damn embarrassing secrets that I would find difficult to let out. So I always felt its very safe for me to go for the 'truth' option. But here, guess my over-confidence gave me away. When the empty mineral water bottle stopped pointing out to me, I was away on phone. When I came back, I was informed that everyone is waiting for me coz am the next victim. No I wasnt nervous. I knew my chance gonna come... n I knew that its a well known fact that my life is not really very 'happening' n full of deadful secrets, so very confidently I said "Ask anything!".

Err... can I sumhow turn the clock back n edit that dialogue?? I wish I could.. but anyways... at that time I thought that I will be asked sum stupid question. Though I categorized the 'unknown' question as 'stupid', I didnt really had any clues of what the question could b. It was then when I was asked "name ur first crush". Gulp... Gulp... I knew that very instant, I cant answer. I was silent for sumtime... thinking of a way to handle the situation. "No haste.. No haste.." this was repeating in my head like that "om mangalam mangalam" mantra in the movie Kambaqth Ishq. I didnt wanted to show whats on my head... Yeah I know they r friends, friends have the rights to know secrets... but not this... anything but not this! I knew all the signs of nervousness people show, I made sure I did nothing of that sort. I didnt rub my hands, didnt wipe off the sweat rolling down the forehead, didnt pretend to have gotten an important call, didnt shake my legs, didnt changed the sitting posture, didnt react at all. Rather I looked around to find 8*2=16 eyes starring at me without blinking! I froze!

A tug-off-war between head n heart soon began inside me. I wanted to ask myself a few questions n get a few answers but then the constant glare was making me nervous. I knew am losing it. I said "I can't" but that doesn't convince anyone. They said "Shruti u r being a spoiled sport" Yeah I agree...!!! I agree am acting nutty.. I agree am making an issue of it... I agree am a coward... I agree am dramatizing... I agree! I agree! I agree! Anything else? can we please get to sum other topic now..!! But they doesn't seem to listen. It was Sneha who said "leave her, else she will start crying"... for once, I really felt like getting up n giving her a 'tight hug' for that. I offered to make sum other confessions but they were not interested in any 'other' thing. I used to think that am the only stubborn creature in the universe, but I was facing many like me there. I told to myself "So what if they r stubborn, u were the topper of ur class, u will top on stubbornness too".

There was another helping hand cuming forward asking me to name any one randomly... I tried searching for a random name... switched on the computer in my head, opened 'Google search'... typed the key word 'crush'.... searching... searching... searching... ah! Just one name... a name which I cant say... I felt disgusting! 20 year old n just one name! dah! I gave up. I said, I can't say n thats it. Soon the bottle spinned again n I sighed a relief!

Back home, the thought kept nagging me. I didnt quite get y I couldnt name. I mean, am I doing a crime to be hiding it from everyone.

Q) When is it that people hide things?
A) When they know that they r wrong.

Am not cheating! Am not doing anything wrong. God damn! Am a human being. I have a heart!!!! So what if it got attracted to sumone. What is there to feel so awkward about it. Just coz my image is that of a 'nerdy nerd' who just sticks to books all the time, doesnt mean that I cant have anything else in life. Just coz I love studying doesnt mean I cant do anything else. I have a life. I have a heart. I always felt, if I cant respect my own feeling then No one in this world can. I do respect my feelings a lot. I know for sure am not wrong. Whatever is happening, or so as to say has happened, has a reason. I dont know where all this will lead me to... I dont know if the day will ever come when I will be able to answer that question. All I know is whatever will happen, will happen for my own good coz one thing I can confess very confidently n that is, am a good girl who didnt ever do anything bad to anyone. So am sure that nothing BAD can ever happen to me! Ever!

Eventful !

2009-07-17T00:30:00.006+05:30

It was an usual day today… I had class in the morn, came back home n went for a walk… came back at 7. Bro demanded alu ka paratha for dinner so I was set to the kitchen making the dinner… dad as usual watching news n working with sum official papers n mom was making bro study… nothing unusual… after finishing off with dinner prep, I logged on gtalk, n was reading the e-book I got “The Secret” dead-line for finishing with that being the week-end but I thought I would rather conveniently finish it off today itself. But I was wrong!

After serving the dinner to the family n after getting enough appreciation for the food, I went to the kitchen to clean up, happily listening to “I’ll b thr for u” n singing along… when I heard Mom’s shriek… one of the worst one I have ever heard… I rushed to the room n found dad lying there on the floor near the wash-basin. The little lump of Grey matter in my head, (that I was ever so proud to address as super-fast n smart) suddenly seemed like a lump of clay. It wasn’t working… I wasn’t working… I was frozen. Didn’t quite understand anything. For a second, life seemed to have met a full-stop.

All I could see was my super-hero, my guardian, my saver, my guide, my support… my dad… there lying on the floor… helpless, motionless… n my mom there trying to shake him up. Sumthing from inside shouted, “help mom, u idiot!!!!!! Don’t just give away”. I rushed to get water, sprinkled on dad… he didn’t move. I opened the back door, shouted “Aunty! Uncle! Ayu!”. In a jiffy, my whole locality seemed to have moved on to my house. There was everyone… all the neighbors. Some rubbed dad’s hands, some his legs… some moved back to giv in air… I was acting dumb n so was my bro who didn’t move out of his room n didn’t even bother to lower the volume of the video of “coast-to-coast” that he was watching for the 500^th time! But then after sumtime, he too got sum courage n stood by dad’s side.

N suddenly, dad opened his eyes. Cant express in words as to how I felt. Slowly dad seemed to get back to his senses. I was just standing there… as a spectator viewing the whole episode… nothing to say… nothing to do… nothing to react to, but to wait, to pray, to hope! My neighbors were damn helpful, it was them who made dad sit on chair n all I did was to rush to get sum water to drink. They were asking dad questions like “do u recognize where u r?” n “wat u had for dinner?” n stuff… I felt like shouting, “oh! Pls! don’t dramatize… he just fainted for sum god damn reason, he is not suffering from amnesia” but then I felt it will be rude to speak when elders r dealing the matter. Soon it was decided that we will be going to hospital after an hour, an hour for dad to get back to his cool. He was quite shaken by the incident.

People offered for help to take dad to the hospital but my mom rejected. She said “my daughter can drive, she will take us”. I standing there was partly proud n partly nervous. Well hospitals rnt really my favorite place n I bet even doctors wont call it their favorite place but then ‘hospital n me’???!!! I know n mom knows how much fuss I make when I need to go to hospitals but then she announced it so proudly that I didn’t wanted to act fussy. It was 10:15 at night when dad seemed quite stable n mom declared we are leaving for hospital. She asked me to look around all her secret reservoirs to find out how much liquid cash is available in case we need to get sum scans n stuff done. I offered the 1000 bucks I saved last month, n for the first time in the whole episode, mom smiled! Well I don’t really leak out how much I saved… n I knew 1000 wont contribute much but then I was happy that I HAD sumthing to offer.

After the cash arrangement, we moved out. For the first time, dad didn’t say a word n went n sat next to the driver’s seat. Before driving when I removed my slippers (an usual act) dad didn’t shout at me saying “when will u learn to drive with slippers on”… I was going right n giving left indicator but dad didn’t shout at me. He didn’t even give me those dreadful looks when I was composing tunes with car horn. Neither did he ask me to lower the gears before the turns. He didn’t say a word. I was feeling very uncomfortable. Am certainly not used to dad’s silence while am driving. He used to make me feel like am the worst driver in the universe n today he is not speaking a word! Dad was un usually quite, so was my bro… n mom… n me… it was like a ‘getting back life’ moment… we were all too exhausted to speak. But the best part was, I COULD drive… I realized am not really as weak as I think I am. I didn’t shed one tear! I seriously didn’t realize that but as I was driving, recollecting al that happened, I told myself “girl! U almost lost ur dad n u were not crying!” sumthing from inside told me “yeah! Coz I knew quite well that nothing wrong gonna happen”.

When we reached the hospital n showed to doctor, he gave an injection n said it doesn’t seem too serious. He said dad must have fainted coz of over-work n tiredness… BP was normal n we sighed a relief! But still he asked to show up in the morn to a specialist n we nodded. It was almost 11 when we reached back home. After making dad lay comfortably in bed, I came here to write down. Though standing outside the hospital, I felt like calling up sumone to speak to but then I kinda feel more comfortable in writing things rather than speaking out. I decided I better blog so I started off to write as soon as I came back. But as I was writing, phone rang. I picked up n a guy from the hospital was on the other side n he informed that dad had left his purse in the room where he took the injection. There was more than 20,000 in his purse n all his id card, ATM cards, driving license, everything!

I left the computer in ‘stand by mode’ n rushed to wake up mom n we both locked the door n rushed back to the hospital. Mom constantly cursing herself for the carelessness n I constantly telling her to stop doing that. We reached the hospital n the guy who called was standing at the door with dad’s purse. We thanked him whole heartedly n took his number. Maybe dad can give him a call later n invite him over for lunch. Its hard to find such good people in this world. When I was cuming back, my mom took a deep breath n said “what an eventful day… err… night!!”. I gave a short smile n shared a joke with mom…

"Daughter – Mom! I got a guy just like dad.

Mother – what do u want from me? Sympathy???"

We both had a heart-felt laugh n enjoyed the night drive… sumthing I always wished for… but never knew it will come to action in this manner… anyways, dad is sleeping peacefully now n its getting quite late now so I too will be off. End of an eventful night!

Over thinking??

2009-07-02T21:48:00.010+05:30

I recently noticed mine getting more n more philosophical these days… a new passion of decoding the essence of life has taken up on me from sumwhere… am constantly asking myself questions on ‘life’ n distributing free advises to all those interested/not-interested… am kinda getting lost amidst studies… of course the blame completely goes to my brain affected by the ‘over thinking syndrome’.

It so happened that a few days back in my coaching class, Sir gave a mathematics question which asked us to prove a ‘certain expression’ as wrong. No big deal, it was a easy question but then sumone from back murmured, “its so easy to prove sumthing is wrong but so tough to prove sumthing is right”. I just couldn’t come out of that thought. Talking of mathematical questions, proving an expression as right or wrong are like ‘pet’ questions. When asked to prove a question is wrong, there r so many ways of doing it but then to prove a question is right, there exist only one fixed method.

When I applied the same philosophy to Life, I was amazed to notice the analogy. It happened so many times with me. I tend to get too critical on people n can go on proving everyone wrong. Maybe one reason y I hardly get impressed by anyone. I don’t do it purposely but then I don’t know y I notice all the negative points first. Whenever I meet anyone, by default my eyes will notice if the shoes r polished, if nails r clean, if dress is pressed… at-times I need to remind myself that am not a school principal but a normal college going student!

Every second new person I meet will come under the category of “not my type” for me. Am not a big time socialite but then yeah I don’t leave my people so easily. Its “Once a friend, always a friend” for me but then only a few who cross all the filtration process get the label of ‘friend’. I can do anything for my friends. Anytime! Anywhere! Call me n I’ll b there… that’s what I always say n do. But then even friends get irritated of my getting into small small details n doing their critical analysis. Well of course there do exist a category of people around me who think am too rude n harsh n insensitive when I tell them on their face bluntly that I don’t approve their acts. So easy to disapprove!!

We meet so many people everyday sumwhere or the other, y is it that not everyone is our friend? I mean no one in this world is ever ‘Bad’ so as to say… but then if everyone is good, what is stopping them from entering the friend list? Am I the only one in this world facing this thing? Certainly not! Am sure everyone faces this… sometimes we know for sure that the other person will turn out to be very good friend of ours but still sumthing inhibits. I have disapproved so may like that… to quote an example, I would say Neha, the first day I met her in my under grad college, I completely disapproved her but then as time passed n her goodyness n strong personality surfaced, I realized how wrongly I judged her. Probably impulsive decisions can be a cause of not ‘everybody’ being our friend… but yeah all relationships demand ‘time’ n the more u give that, the more strongly the relationship bonds. Perhaps this is the secret behind ‘arranged marriages’… two complete strangers spending life together… uff!! Not ‘this’ topic again !

Judging others… how much is this act justified? Who are we to say if a person is right or wrong… who r we to say if we ourself do right things or wrong things… but then what decides? A mathematical expression can be easily solved n verified for being right or wrong but what about the ‘acts’ we perform in our life? Who is gonna judge that?? For me, what ever I do, is right! I can give 1000000 justifications for my act… millions n trillions of reasons… stupid idiotic senseless arguments… I can go on n on… but I don’t give an ear to others when they do the same for their acts. Stubbornness? Maybe… proudy… attitude problem… call whatever… that is what I am n am right ;)

In Physics, we have this thing called the ‘special theory of relativity’ given by my ever-green crush Mr. Einstein… according to which if an ‘observer’ is sitting on a tree n watching a train moving with uniform velocity, then for that observer the train is moving, but if that very observer is sitting inside that train, then for him the tree is moving. (If u don’t know physics, read d above lines again to understand!) Now neither of the observers is wrong. Its just their ‘frame of reference’ is different. When the observer sitting on the tree says the train is moving n the observer sitting in the train says that the tree is moving, neither is wrong n this fact is right! Same is the scenario in all the arguments n discussions that we do. Sumtimes what seems wrong to us will seems right if we consider the situation from other frame of reference. As a matter of fact, all that is categorized as ‘wrong’ in life can be made ‘right’ if we just change our perception! Ah! so easy to write n say… but d applications part is so tough!!

Beat D Heat !

2009-06-15T21:07:00.008+05:30

The following is my Entry for the contest in Bloggeratti (Orkut community) given the topic "Summer-heat"

With still 24 hrs left for the dead-line, I didn't want to make a last minute entry. I wasn't planning to participate coz sumhow I wasn't managing to get enough time for the thought process but then my mom says 'Participating is half victory'. N i didnt want to lose without participating, so here goes my scribbling....

A summary of the "cool" "cool" things I do in summers, a few reasons y I love summers!!

Lying on momma’s lap,

Eating curd-rice from her hands

Waking up dad, 1 at night,

Demanding for ice-cream.

Pouring ice-water on bro,

To giggle seeing him crying

Wishing he would do the same,

Unfortunately he is too lame.

Standing below the shower,

Playing splash-splash with little drops

Till mom warns to break the door,

If I don’t rush out.

Mango shake, the best breakfast

Dad gets dozens for me!

Lemon and orange juices

Works wonder to beat the heat.

Rushing outta house in the morn,

As usual forgetting the sun-screen

Pledging not to repeat the mistake again,

But then the same routine.

Going zip zap zoom in car

Adoring, admiring n praising Delhi roads

Loud music and full on speed

Overtaking the bikers are thrill indeed!

Talking to the dear pink lilly,

In the name of gardening.

Watering n taking its care,

Loving to see it smile at me!

Struggling to cut the water-mellon

With a small little knife.

Amazed to see it getting disappeared,

But I kept it pending for tmrw night!

Going to garden for evening walks,

In loose tees n tracks

Noticing the number n kinda guys following

Ofcourse without their knowing.

Passing sarcastic smile,

On the stupidities that people do

Wearing goggles while driving cars

To guys in pink t-shirts posing to be cool!

Sleeping with AC on

Winters were never so cool

With the Prince Charming walking hand in hand,
In the cool cool heavenly dreamland ;)

P.S. @ other Contestants , am very sorry I didn't go through any of the entries but I had my own reasons:

1. I didn't want any influential shadows in my work
2. I seriously didn't get time!!

But I promise to peep in all those entries b4 results r out :)

Guys vs Gals again?

2009-06-08T08:09:00.012+05:30

The following is not really my style of blogging but then am feeling a little lazy to polish the chit-chat in a paragraph format... so I'll b pasting the convo directly from saved chats.

This was a small part of a chat I had with Karthick yday after a long time.... He got to a new job last week n is keeping very busy these days.... It was almost a week when I caught him online yday... One of the very few Intellectuals I have cum across, a very close friend n a good guy! Met him through Blogger but all the chats n emails made him a 'reality in this virtual world'. His blog speaks for him so I don't need to do it here (karthickspeaks.blogspot.com). No post for long time, as I said, Busy Bee with new job!

Hey Karthick, am taking u for granted here ;)

10:16 PM me: i was just wondering

y do irls hav to leave thir house after marriage?

*girls

Karthick: bcoz..theey have to look after the grooms family..

and the grrom also..

10:17 PM me: isnt it so damn unfair?

Karthick: well..

me: must b sum guy who made this damn rule

Karthick: there is another pioint also..

ur parents cant kepp u for ever..

so got to stay with him.

finnaly after them he is the one who is goin to take care of u.

10:18 PM me: well

y is it that my prents cant keep me with them forever

when 'his' parents wil b keeping him with them forever

10:19 PM Karthick: well..wat happens after urs and his parents..

he is the one for u..

so it just better quoted u stay with their family.

its not biased in any way.

me: wait a min

y cant i b the one for him

after his parents

i mean

10:20 PM y should i b the one leaving?

Karthick: is there any problm for u..??

me: ofcourse

i got a lovely family here

my mom my dad my bro

my pc

my study room

my bed

my house

my kitchen

eveytheing is mine

i chose things

10:21 PM i decorated d house

i have my choice here eveyrwhere

i liv in each thing in my house

n suddenly one day i have to say a gud bye to all this?

damn

Karthick: dont u want a change.

life..always moves on..

10:22 PM u cant staganate...cant reamin a kid for ecer.

me: y cant guys have that very change?

Karthick: ever.

me: u r biased buddy

u taking the male side now

Karthick: yeah...i am a guy.

10:23 PM ;)

u finnaly got tht one.

me: hee hee

men n their egos!

phw!

10:24 PM Karthick: yeah..yeah..if wen dint have tht much..hw to survie with grls.

me: but girls do survive well enuf without that

dont get into a war of words on this topic

Karthick: yeah..

me: i hav a good exp on this topic

Karthick: better..

me: u wil lose

10:25 PM Karthick: let things happen the way they r..

it always nice.

me: contoversial line!

but then let it b

Karthick: am conservative shennaite rember..

chennaite..

so..i wud lways like things my way.

me: mine talkign to u on this wont get me a guy who agrees to liv with me in my house n not to take me away

10:26 PM well ya

typical!

probably my next blog topic

10:27 PM Karthick: i will always want my girl to be in my house..

give my mom a break..

she is wroking so much for us..

let my girl share some resposiblity as well.

me: ah! wat abt the girls mom?

who wil help her out

u dont care for that aa?

10:29 PM anyways

We switched over to a lighter subject but then I have always hated this rule of girls needing to leave their house n their family for sumone who doesn't need to do all that.

Personally speaking, I have a family so so so good that if god had asked me to create my own parents, I wouldn't have done a finer job! Last week when I was low, that evening suddenly dad got ice-cream n cold drink n said we will mix them up n have... something which I always suggest n they used to classify 'yucks!'... my off moods will make my parents go down... they r so lovely so caring... they let me do things my way... not always but then I understand when they stop me... they care a hell lot. Very protective. When I'll b studying late nights for exams there sitting in my study room with door closed, mom dad will b sitting out in the sofa waiting for me to come out of the study room... they r the kind of parents who asks me y I bother to study so much when I can easily b playing around n have 'fun'... they rnt the one who says y u didn't score first class rather they say y do u bother so much about ur marks!

"My dad's purse is my open ATM", he never asks me y I need money or how much I need nothing... take as much as u want is what he says... needn't even ask! But then its me who keep a note by his purse whenever I take out money from that. My regular readers would have noticed mine talking of my mom in almost every second post of mine that coz I worship her... truly... honestly... from the bottom of my heart! Couldn't have asked for more ever! My bro... d stupid innocent idiot who by default comes n hands over his salary cheque to me every month! At-times when I imagine myself away from my house, my family, my world... living out there with some god damn stranger... I feel can there really exist some 'heart-less' creature who will be so damn heartless to take me away??!!

Sad Days R Here Again!

2009-06-05T17:49:00.003+05:30

They say “Don’t cry over split milk”. Okkkk Fine! Am not gonna cry now… am a brave girl… I can face disappointments... there must be some way out… It can’t all get over so easily… damn it! My life it at sake… I can’t b kidding around!!!

Its as if it just happened yday… the picture is still crystal clear in front of my eyes… me n Ayushi getting out of the metro station happily singing “Yaaron dosti” n chit chatting… I telling her one of the story I wrote long time back… giggling... happily… least concerned about the world around… entered the Department of Physics n Astrophysics (the place where I study) with so much grace n confidence as usual… happily greeting a bunch of our seniors who stopped by to pass compliments on my brand new pink top….

There as a usual day we went around to the notice board to see if something important is there n suddenly the crowd there froze both of us! Wat r so many ppl doing here? Whats so imp? Its hardly 2 months since college started… there isn’t any examination dates to be announced… whats so interesting? With all the thoughts pouring our minds, we both caught hold of a girl who seemed to have had a look on what the onlooker’s r seeing n with great efforts managed her way out of the crowd. Me with my usual excitement in voice asked her wats going on n in reply she gave me a big smile n said “Congratulations!”

Err?? For what?? Me n Ayu shared confused looks n were still amazed to find out that she wasn’t the only one who cared to congratulate me for something I still don’t know… there were many… I was still struggling to get a look into the notice board to find out exactly what am being congratulated for. After a good struggle for a few minutes I found my first internal assessments marks of ‘Quantum mechanics’ there hanging out in the notice board… never knew it wil b displayed like this… the whole list… in my undergrad colg, they used to show answer sheet to individual students n not like this, displayed to the whole world to c…!!

My heart skipped beats when I found my marks… sure it was worth the congratulations I was receiving n I was so happy that day!! And what pleased me more was the conversations I overheard… ppl were looking out for this girl named Shruti n hello! I was just standing there… that was a moment! An instant stardom! Ppl wanted to know who I am… I was no more one of the 200, I was ‘d one in 200!’

Ever since Quantum mechanics became my favorite subject… when I gave the final exam on this subject n came out of the examination hall, I was grinning like anything… happily telling everyone that I have excelled it n am expecting at-least 30 outta 35 this time!

But then when I got my results, I saw in my mark sheet - internals : 14/15, finals: 19/35.

Couldn’t have been less disappointed but then I had an option of giving for re-evaluation. Without a second thought, I went for it. Damn! Y didn’t anybody stop me there!!! Damn! Damn! Damn!!!

Today my re-evaluation results came out. And they say now my marks will be read as ‘14’ instead of ‘19’. Hell! Now when I go back to college, all those who now know who ‘Shruti’ is will come to me to take their ‘congratulations’ back… no am not really concerned much about the lost stardom.. who cares for that… but then I lost my position n 5 marks!!! 5 marks rnt just 5 marks here… its almost 5%!!!!!! I was one of the top 5 in my Dept… now I hope to find myself in top 10…!! Damn! Damn. Never expected this will be happening to me… god!!! Pls give me a magic wand!! I’ll be going to college on Monday to ask if I can apply ‘re-evaluation’ to the ‘re-evaluated’ marks... lets c what they say… but then I seriously donno if I should go for it again… what if it again reduced my marks?? I cant really take it anymore!!!!

Physics n Philosophy.

2009-06-03T11:54:00.009+05:30

For all those who don't know, am presently doing my Post Graduation in Physics n by next year I'll b awarded a degree which will call me 'Master of Science' 8) How I got to this stream.. this subject... will make way for a damn long post n am not in a mood for 'story telling' now, so I'll keep it pending for the time being... but one small reason was coz one of my 'good' friend once said that he finds Physics very interesting n wanna write a book on this subject, I just wanted to find out what was so 'interesting' that he was so 'interested' in... well finally I found out :D

My mom always says that to become successful in the academic field, u either have to be Blessed with intelligence or u need to work very very hard. I never belonged to the first category but yeah I work hard. U c working hard could always fetch me amazing score but then I have to confess that I never really understood what I read... it was just the 'mugging up' thing for me always n I always scored well thanks to my memory n the 'almonds' my dad used to get ;)

Till my school days, I was one of those 'typical dump toppers' who had nothing else to do in life than studying the whole day long, well... u c mugging up actually takes longer time! It was not that I was completely blind about what am mugging up but then 'learning' n 'reading' r two different things n I always did the later. It was not until I saw my first year graduation marks that I realized my 'old golden rule' is not gonna work with Physics... this one subject need me to tickle all the other cells in my brain n to actually work hard in not mugging up, but in understanding the subject.

I don't claim to have understood the subject by now but then from where I stood a few years back till now, I can definitely say that I have started understanding the subject. This one subject has changed my personality like anything! U know what, a true Physicist is never interested in the final answer to the problem, all that he/she is interested is to find the 'right approach' to solve the problem coz once thats done, its just Mathematics to get to the final solution. And we Physicist use mathematics as a tool to get to the sophisticated form of final answer but are never slaves to mathematics.

What Physics has done to me is something which my old friends can easily see n feel but for all those who don't know me so well, lemme tell u...

Back in school I was d kind of girl who didn't even had the courage to raise her hand to ask doubts coz I used to fell so shy thinking the whole class will be looking at me. When we used to be given questions to solve, even if I could solve it before anyone else, I used to feel so awkward to let it out... yeah that was me... very shy n so low in confidence that I used to tremble when someone talks to me. I used to be so lost those days... day dreaming... n I used to do everything in dreams only. But today I find myself changed... I have learn to approach my problems n I have got the confidence that I can solve it. I feel very proud of the fact that am conquering a subject which is considered 'very tough' n only a handful of people can understand that. I feel on top of the world when I c my the reactions like "Oh! my god! Physics?"... or "U must b Einstein to be studying Physics"... "U know Physics is one subject I never could understand".. blah! blah! blah!

Well... now Physics is my breathing subject. Now that I have learned the way to study Physics, I find it amazingly 'Interesting'... this subject doesn't asks me to sit with a pile of books open n spend 7 hrs in my study room... this one just asks me to spend 24 hrs in a day thinking about it... I have now kinda become something like a crazy scientist who has 'great Physics theories' running in mind non-stop... its not just why do birds fly n why do apples fall... its more than that now... I can now find Physics in everything I do... yday my bro came back from play n sat "thud" on the chair n the chair moved backward a little... I rushed to take out my diary to note it as a problem of 'moment of inertia' :) A few days back standing at the metro station I was noticing the springs n transmission lines n was trying to figure out the applications of all those things...

I feel proud of the fact that I have really grown Intelligent thanks to this subject... I find myself more witty n quick to answer these days. The change in my personality or rather the improvement wouldn't have been possible otherwise. Though I do feel nervous when I face some problem but then I remind myself that am a Physicist n if I could solve complected 'Quantum mechanics' problems then this is nothing... I get back my cool, analyze the problem n choose the right approach. 2 great things Physics has taught me 'Observation' n 'Analysis' n am much more confident n smarter these days :)

I love Physics!!

WaKe Up TiMe!

2009-05-29T14:17:00.019+05:30

Well… am standing just a few steps away from my ambition… a dream which I don’t know how long I have been seeing… its just there at the end of the road n I just have to pull out my hands a little n I’ll have it… but then there r hurdles too… My heart can see the destination but then these stupid eyes of mine r showing me the hurdles…!!

I have been a very disciplined person in my life n I always know what I want… I don’t remb having wandered ever… neither do I believe in wishing for unrealistic things… I had made my goal at a very early age n I went for it without losing hope or courage. Sure there were hurdles, huge once, but then I had support at each point of time… my family, my teachers, my friends…all had their own sweet roles to play…

Today after a successful academic life of 16 years… I find myself wandering… yes u read that right! This year 2009-2010 is gonna decide my ‘destiny’ n am amazed to find myself going so casual at the last phase. This December I have to crack a competitive exam ‘CSIR-NET’ which will make me eligible to peruse my PhD. This one exam is the last hurdle I have to cross n then this world will dance to my tunes!

Am known for my pre-plans n organized work… even though am eligible to give the above mentioned exam only this year, I had started my preparations since last year vacations… but I feel I was lot more serious about it last year than this year… which r not giving me good vibs! I have from the middle of nowhere, realized it suddenly that I have taken my life far too seriously than needed n as my mom says “I realize right things at wrong times!”. I wish I had realized this thing an year later… its something like Sachin Tendulkar breaking his legs by learning ice-skating a day before world cup finals…!! Err… well can't think of a better example.

With three working members out of the four in my family, all willing to spend their fortunes on me, I don’t really face any monetary problem to go for my goal like many other classmates of mine face. I know I have the potential… n hard work is like an ocean, there is no end to it n by nature am never fussy about studies. I have got a brilliant guide for myself, Vishal Sir, who is putting his best to take out the best outta me… so the thing is, if I still don’t qualify that exam, I have nothing but myself to blame on! I wish I had sumthing else to blame on… no I don’t really like the blaming games but then maybe I could have had sumone to share my guilt with.

But now the ball is absolutely in my court n I have to take it to the other side all by myself. I have to take care of my life n give it the direction I want… there is no time to wander about… this one exam against my 16 yr struggle…. I can’t let all that go down the drain… I have to crack it at any cost… I can't probably answer myself if I don’t do this… yday night I was awake till 3... standing at the door... looking up at the ever beautiful moon... n thinking what is going wrong… y am I not getting serious… have I gotten bored of studies? Have I lost interest? Am I getting interested in ‘other things’? I thought I should put an end to internet n mobile now, but then I told myself “Its U who should realize that u should become serious n not others, so u don’t need to advertise that!” I actually looked around to c if its sumone else talking, at-times I talk so sensibly n maturely that I find it difficult to believe its me… hee heee….

Anyways, now that I have written this, prescription wil be to read it 10 times a day n get back to track… I need lotsa prayers n well wishers to help me reach the other end n cross the hurdles… wish me good luck! I have to do this!!!

20 year old girl

2009-05-19T15:21:00.004+05:30

Amidst d shortest vacation in the history of all my vacations, am seriously getting bored. I had lots of plans.. dad fulfilled top most priority in my wish list n got me an unlimited internet connection but who can get glued to the stupid PC whole day long with nothing constructive to do. Yeah I agree I did get glued during the initial days, downloaded all the songs I wanted to n all those which I never even heard off before... Read 100s n 1000s of blogs... went thru my orkut scrap book n re-read all the 10,300 scraps there... had long long chats with my friends... checked out many videos in u-tube... blah! blah! blah! All utter waste of time... got so bored of all that... now my gtalk status reads 'Bored 2 d core...' almost permanently.

Was thinking of starting off with paintings again but then feeling too lazy... all the colours must have dried up by now, need to soak them in little water, gotta search for the brush, donno where I kept the mixing plate d last time I painted... so that's dropped for the time being. Was thinking of watching some movies or go shopping with friends but its so damn hot outside that it pains to think that I have to step out for that. Books? well.... Had enuf off books for exams, not again... hardly any collection, didnt buy any for long n seriously not interested in moving out to buy one. Tried cleaning up the kitchen for mom as a surprise but that hardly took 4 hrs, gosh! she keeps it so clean that I was surprised. Dad's cupboard? noo... he'll kill me if I misplace any of his papers... Bro? well.... he never did mine so y should I do his...?? Even cooking has lost charm, doesn't seem to be a big deal now... was so much fun when I was learning that.. but now.. aaahh no big deal. No new experiments on the recipes.

Dad gave the car keys n asked me to go where ever I want to... do whatever I want to... gosh! Y do ppl get so sweet when u least expect them to. It would have been so much better if he had asked me to do 'this' n do 'that'.. at-least I would have had something to do. Tried my hands on clay-modeling this time. Was making n remaking small small toys outta the lump of clay I got, but that was so monotonous so left. Am not the kind of a person who can sit idle even got 5 min. There HAS to be something for me to do. As a matter of fact, am kinda addicted to studies n when-ever I get done with my exams, I get to this bugging, deadly boredom.

This Sunday I got so bored that I went shouting to mom asking what to do to kill this boredom. She said, y don't u do something like a '20 yr old girl'... err.. excuse me! what was that? Some thing for me to spend the Sunday on... wow! something to think... mayb to blog too... so there my brain finally got some occupation... lovely. So it started... my observations n thoughts all mixed up n shuffled n tangled.. time for some untangling. So what do a 20 yr old girl do in vacations?

Roam abt in malls? ah! who will step out in sun?
Shopping? I gave that to mom already, n she said she will do it for me.
Flirt with guys? noo not me... needs a hell lot of patience.
Chit-chat over phone? Last thing I'll ever do...
Cleanup house? Cook? Read books? Done! done! done!

I felt this thought process is leading me no where so went on chat, asking suggestions from random 'so claimed' 20 yr old I caught in chat rooms (didn't ask frds coz I felt too lame to ask that). There I got to know something, I never had thought about, the 'grooming' sessions! Well... am not the type who stand in front of the mirror asking how am I looking in this pink dress or howz my new hair style or things like that. I never bothered for such things, wears whatever comes to my hand n head. Am not really fussy about the way I look but yeah I always wanna look decent n matured. But then am not too keen always.. anything will do for me, anything! I have been to beauty parlors before to have hair-cuts most of the time but always with my mom. I remb when I was going to join colg n went for a hair-cut to the parlor with mom, d aunty there said "ab toh akele bhi aa sakte ho"(now u can come alone too...) But I never really went alone. U c when one lacks knowledge of a subject, then that confidence is never there. I can attend grand seminars on Physics with ease but this 'beauty' stuff I really lack the knowledge n it shows off each time I need to go to the parlor. I remb once in 1st yr I tried 'bleach' on my face n the next day when I went to college, my friends said "Have u coloured ur hair?" I said "No! I tried bleaching my face but when I was washing, it went to my hair n that got coloured" Shibu slapped me for 'attempting' something so stupid. There wasn't another day... but since mom asked me to do something like a '20 yr old girl' n d general survey I took showed me that at-least 85% r very regular to beauty parlors, I decided to do the same.

Now it was decided that I'll b going to the parlor. Next question was what to do there? I have seen a friend trying 'hot wax' n I had pledged that day that am never gonna do that even if asks for my life. No never. I saw her in tears outta pain so I was thinking of something less-painful. Hair? well they r in a good shape now, y bother them so much. So what is left? yeah my face... what do they call that thing they do the face? I donno... mayb the parlor lady will tell me. So it was decided that am going to the parlor next day to get 'something' done to my face. That evening when dad came home, I said "dad can u giv me some money? I wanna go the beauty parlor." Dad said "How much?" n I said "err... well.. I don't know maybe 100 or something. I don't know" He gave me 500 n said keep it!

So next mornign I was up early to go to the 'beauty parlor' ... Alone! Left around 11 n had no idea of how long it will take. I didn't take the car, thought of having a walk, not that far after all. Climbed the stairs n kept telling myself to act smartly n not to show off that I know nothing. Up there greeted the aunty confidently n when she said "kya karna hai beta"(here for what?) I said... that face... err.. what do u call that... face... something.. she gladly cut me short n said "facial" n I nodded softly thinking in my head "Good job girl! wasn't that tough". But no... I was wrong, there was something else coming up from her...

she asked "which one?"
me "how many do u offer?"
she "well we have wide ranges, u can go in for papaya, banana...."
me thinking 'am i ordering a milk shake? wat has these things gotta do with facial?'
showing my usual over smartness I said "apple???"
she "apple? we don't have apple!"
me to myself "shut up shruti! don't show ur ignorance. chose one from she offered. anyways, she wont make u eat it!"
so like a good girl i said "anything aunty... everything suits me"

Uff!! wat relief.. I didn't bother to ask which flavor she chose. So I was to get changed on to a stupid costume of theirs n get seated. I did. There came this young girl with apron n stuff with a smile on her face, I wanted to ask "r u 20? wat u do in ur vacations?" but then I stopped myself. She didn't give me much time... made me half-lie down in the chair, tied up my hair with a band sort of a thing n started working on my face... I didn't bother to ask anything. She put some face pack kinda thing which was too chill that I started sneezing... it was itching n cold n irritating... I kept stopping her n rubbing my face till she warned me that she will tie my hands if I don't stop... okk watever... she should not come to know its my first time... I should act smartly.... even mom is not there with me to save me... she used many things.. some oil, some creams.... some packs... it was testing my patience.

I couldn't even have my head-phones on n listen to music... they had a radio thr but were tuned on to AIR fm n there was this discussion on 'rural development' going on... n I was certainly not interested in that. I tried overhearing some conversations but till my ears range reached I could catch up 2 women discussing their naughty little kids. Kids? Last thing on earth I wanna hear about... So realizing the fact that I had no other option than sitting quietly, I was framing this blog on my mind. But then, time flew n before I realized, she declared that its all over. I woke up from my dreams n said "over?" wanted to ask her the flavor she used, but then gave up on that. I smiled n thanked her n asked "How much?" She smiled back n said "300 only". what??? 300 for this rubbish thing u did to my face? 300 for spending a day of my vacations on something that a 20 yr old girl wil do. A quick calculation ran on my head 300*2=600/365 ... I could have bought toffees daily for one n a half years with that money!!!!

But then I dint wanted to show her all that... gave her the crisp Rs.500 dad gave n came back home. But watever... it felt good... I felt very relaxed n that afternoon had a real good nap. N ofcourse back home that evening, announced to all those I could get an hand on that I spent Rs.300 on beauty parlor... n it did surprise all those who got that news coz that's not really something people expect from me... but then am a 20 yr old girl!

Moy FAV Animal??!!

2009-05-16T10:17:00.007+05:30

I read it in a t-shirt liner once "If a black cat is crossing ur way, then it means that that animal is going somewhere". It was pretty impressive to read on to n I shared it with many of my friends n the reaction I got was "Oh! finally u understood girl!"

Well... that was not what I shared it for. I shared it like all the other normal one-liners I share, but then I never meant to say that I was wrong or foolish. Am still the same, I still don't quite mind in taking another route if a black cat happens to cross my way. Am not too sure of what could have happened if I had not bothered to change my way, all that am sure off is that I reached back home safe whenever I changed the route.

When I leave for my exams or stuff n someone sneezes, I don't sit to think how can a poor innocent sneeze spoil my exam for which I burnt the candles nights together. All I do is, rush back home, take out a water bottle from the fridge, have a sip n run back to the bus-stop. Anyways, I always keep an hr in spare with me so a 5 min act wont spoil much but I surely don't want to come back home with tears n then wishing I could turn back the clock n can have that one sip of water.

Someone told me that if u clap seeing a red car, u will get toffees... yeah I know its rubbish but then what if it really works... I mean if I can get toffees for clapping on seeing a red car, y wouldn't I do it? Its certainly not a big deal! My friend once told me that u should not cut ur nails days before exams coz then u wil forget all ur answers... even though I tried hard to rack my brain thinking of a logic behind that, I never could manage to get one but then who cares about the nail-length days before exams... so mayb I can manage that much.

Each morning when I take up the newspaper, I chuck the headline... anybody can update me on that... I shuffle the pages fast to reach the daily forcast colomn... maybe I should not mix up astrology with superstition. I feel its different. Astrology got a more hard-core scientific background n it involves lots of calculations n intense studies... But yeah many be the lucky colour n lucky number stuff can be put in here. So it is essentially that lucky colour given in the newspaper that decides what I'll b wearing to college, but then it relieves me off shuffling the whole ward-robe to decide what to wear... at-least I know the colour.

I know each day doesn't pass like a lucky day n moreover if it did, then its no point calling it lucky, but then maybe some thing bad bad bad could have happened which didnt coz of the colour of the dress am wearing... maybe... u never know... When I drive n come across any mini-temple or gurudwara or church or mosque, I take my hands off the steering wheel to pray; most of the time without bothering to pull up the breaks... n my dad sitting right next to me will be shouting "I wil make u pay for the damage 'with interest' if anything happens to my car!"

I have discussed about my superstitious ideas with a hell lot of people n am ever so proud of it... I always ask 'what is wrong if am superstitious... what if it works... what harm am I doing to anyone..." n the most common line I have heard as a backfire will be "I wonder how u call urself a science student!"

I know maybe my great Physics books doesn't have answers to my questions... maybe I being a physics post graduate student should not have this mentality... but then when I think from the scientific point view, the 'string theory' says that there is interaction energy between two bodies by exchange of small small particles... particles so small that they r being assumed to be massless. Maybe this black cat that crosses the way too exchanges some particles with the humans who come their way n this acts like a negative energy... maybe those particles r different from those coming out from white cats... I don't know... I don't care... This universe is so wide n large n poor earth is like a small little dot as compared to the size of the universe... 'we' r dots in that small dot... n our 'brains' r dots in that small dot which is a small dot in some other dot. All I mean to say is that there is still lots to explore... to know... I wont get back my lost days if they find out about the 'particles' that that black cat emits after 20-30 years....

The Power-puff Girls!

2009-05-14T09:06:00.013+05:30

A long time pending post which I had planned to put up last August. I wont say I didn't get time coz that's not true but due to some reason or the other, this one kept getting postponed. Anyways, a week back Ayushi warned me that she will throw me outta the bus if I don't sit and write about 'us'... well she has been waiting for it for a long time now.. so here it goes........

The powerpuff girls "Shibumi, Ayushi, Shruti" (d title we got on our farewell day by the juniors).... The perfect trio... the first-benchers... the very hardworking... the most talkative... the professor's pets... the library addicts... the inseparable... the 'never had a fight' group... the damn helpful... the always together... in short, the ideal best-friends! My mother always says that in school u make friends who r cherishable but in college u make friends who r simply unforgettable... n these two very spl ppl come under that category!

Am not gonna start off with the history of how we became friends n all that, but seriously I had no IDEA of how close we will get. Me n Ayu are quite immatured as compared to Shibu... (U can close ur mouth Shibu, I know I never accepted... but its true). My mom says me n Ayu are like the two plates of the physical balance n Shibu is like the hook up thr balancing the both of us. But I have learnt a lot from this girl. Shibu is like 'I can take care of myself !' kinda girl n she sure can... she was staying in a hostel during the three years of our graduation n managed that tough life very effectively. Her hostel gossips n hostel food was a hit amongst us. Ever heard of anyone going crazy over hostel food? well me n Ayu were... though Shibu classified it as 'inedible' we both could never come over the fetish for that n would gladly exchange our home-made lunch for her hostel's packed lunch.

Each morning when I used to leave home, sitting in bus I will recollect all that happened last evening coz I have to giv an account of all that to them... everything.. right from visitors list to what was cooked in the dinner to wat all mails I got to wat I saw on TV to who all were online last night.. everything!!! And mondays really used to leave me exhausted coz that used to cover up the weekend news which would just go on n on n on...! There was never a scarcity of topics to talk about yeah but sure there used to be a scarcity of time! In first year we did a hell lot of exploration trips in Delhi n have gotten lost many times (:D) But each day was a new day n we never gave up. In second year we got to 'eating out' n 'partying out' things... watched many movies n each time I used to sit with Shibu coz she was someone who can go on translating n explaining me each scene along with the on going movie... a parallel cinema used to run for me directed by Shibu. In third year as a very pleasant surprise, Ayu shifted to the house right behind mine n like they show in movies, me n Shibu visited her new house many times asking for help n stuff.... we really enjoyed al that.

Of course how can I not mention the great birthday celebrations we had... the best one according to me was Ayushi's second year birthday. Me n Shibu had planned that we will buy a cake for her n drop at her place shouting "surprise"... that time she was staying in SN n not in my locality. We had visited her house before but were not sure about her address, so one day I was playing with her purse n said am not gonna give back... probably Ayu took it as an usual kiddish act of mine, but the real reason was that I wanted to note down her address from her ID card. Me d smarty... smarty... ;) To book the cake, Shibu said she needs to pay her bill n called me to accompany her but Ayu offered to company... but we didnt want her... I made a crying baby face n said "Last time u went with her, its my chance now... so u r not supposed to come!" hee... hee... on her birthday when we reached her house she was sooo happy....!! N when she collected the bits one by one, she was sure impressed!! In third year we had planned a treasure hunt for her n I remb I spent a whole of my electronics lecture in writing the hints, sitting in the front bench.

Though all 3 of us used to sit in the first bench, I never sat with Shibu. The reason being that once in first yr we sat together in a Quantum class n sir asked us to derive a very simple expression, we both were the first once to do n sir said that 'this expression got a Nobel prize' n we both just couldn't manage our laughter. With Shibu passing cross comments on everyone n me never able to control my expressions, we decided never to sit together. Ayu is very balanced in that sense n could always handle Shibu's witty n funny comments on every professor with a decent smile n then after they have left, they would share it with me n we would get the roofs down with laughter. Shibu used to keep my mobile phone with her always n would b playing 'snake' sitting in the first bench... n surprisingly, she never got caught. Ayu is one of those typical 'yes sir, yes mam' kinda girl. The topper of the class with all assignments, notes everything complete. I remember once in 3rd yr, I had a doubt in an assignment question, though 3 days were left for the submission of the assignment but we had to submit it to the class the very next day so that everyone else could complete it, so i messaged Ayu to scan me the answer n mail me. When i got her 20 scanned sheets n went thru each one of them carefully, I dint get the answer at all. I called her up n asked where is the answer n she said "Yaar, I have a doubt in that.. I have just written the introduction, if I get the answer by night, I will mail u else we will ask sir tmrw".... U can guess my reaction!

Of course the fest n farewells were no less enjoyable with us presenting our dancing skills. This one thing bonded us very strongly that we three loved to dance. We never cared of who is seeing us, or who is saying wat, But we loved to dance!!! During the first year farewell to 'super-seniors' we danced on "say na say na" (bluffmaster) choreographed by Shibu n it rocked!! During the mid of second year this Departmental fest came in which left many scars in the heart of many people in my class n had soured many relationships. We three decided never to participate in any of such events but when farewell to our seniors came, we gave up all our egos n rocked the dance floor with a highly highly well choreographed n heavily practiced dance on the title track of 'dhoom-2'.

As of now, Ayu is doing her post graduation with me n am simply too glad about that fact. Shibu dropped a year n was preparing for her CAT n went down to Hydrabad to stay with her parents. We went to see her off in the station when she left Delhi n it was a real senti moment. We really miss her n there doesnt pass a single day when we forget to mention her name. Last December I went to meet her in Hydrabad, clubing it with a family vacation to Aurangabad... n was very happy to see her!! Fortunatly for us, she got thru a college in Delhi for her MBA n will be coming back to Delhi this June... the wait is on with full excitement n plans!!!

I don't know how those three years of college life would have turned out to be if I hadn't gotten such friends... Like everyone, I had always longed for such 'life-time' friends with whom one can be oneself... these two turned out lot more than I expected. They were there with me to celebrate my small small happiness to big achievements... to cheer me up during little disappointments to great depressions... they never hesitated to tell me am wrong but at the same time didn't leave my hand when others were trying to prove me wrong... they didn't like mine shedding tears for every small n big thing but then they were equally willing to wipe it off n replace it by a smile on my face. At-times when I sit recollecting those days n incidents, I feel really really lucky!

FoR D HecK Of It !

2009-04-03T23:21:00.007+05:30

Before writing anything, let me confess that am writing this post for the heck of it. U c it was there in my new-year resolutions that I wil put up at-least one post every month. So far it went more goody goody than I expected it to be, so I would like to continue with it. But coz of my exams which r gonna start next week, I guess I wont get much time to post anything. So here goes the ‘post of the month’…

So where do I start my ‘blah! blah!’ from? Let me start from the first day of the month… ah! The April fool’s day…. had a lovely time that day playing pranks… first victim was my bro n parents… early morning when I was brushing my teeth, I shouted “ahhhhhhhh” n they all came running to c what happened. With my mouth full of foam n hand on my cheek, I pretended to be dying of pain!! Dad rushed to start off the scooter, mom searching for the dispensary card n poor bro was abt to cry seeing me in pain… it was when I shouted “April Fool”!!!! lolzz…

Next one was Ayu… I can’t write here what I told her, but she sure was fooled!! But then we both had a heartily laugh n decided to fool others in the college. We reached d class n started writing ‘scripts’ to fool others… professional pranksters hee hee… Ayu had given her EMT register to Garima which she had returned a week back but when she entered, we attacked her.

Ayu (with full seriousness) – Garima, where is my EMT note?

Garima (taken aback) – I gave it to u last Wednesday.

Ayu – no! u didn’t give me… I searched the whole house it was not there.

Me (how long can I remain silent) – Ya! Ya! Even I searched her house. Its not thr.

Garima – Nahi yaar… I remember I gave it to u.

Ayu – I wont give u any note of mine in future.

Garima (tensed) – yaar I will search in my house once again… I am sure I gave it to u. please u too check properly once again…. I am sure I gave it to u.

We couldn’t hang on further!!! N bursted out… hee hee… then my eye sited Disha.. suddenly she started looking like a ‘bakra’ to me… when she passed by me, I said “Yaar there is something red-red in ur cheeks.. some allergy kya?”. Before she could react, Ayu said “Nahi toh… where is it?”… Err!! Ayu!!! It wasn’t in the script but then wasn’t it obvious?!!!

Back in the lab, it was Mohit n Sunny… we went to them n said “Mam met us on the way n said she will take ur viva today”… they were like “Viva? Today? M’am??” poor things.. viva word itself is enuf to scare the hell out of anyone that too m’am… oooo… it was a serious stuff… they looked at the watch n there was exactly 10 min for m’am to come… poor things, started studying like they never did! Lolzz… it was getting more n more hilarious… since we had finished with our experiments n viva’s we both were seriously ‘job-less’ that day… we just peeped out when we saw ‘Ranjana’ coming… our naughty little eyes twinkled n we went to her n Ayu said “Ranjana! Aaj farewell hai!!!” she said “Farewell? Aaj? Yaar I wanted to complete my experiment today. When wil I finish it then? It wasn’t there in the notice board yday”.. ok girl! We forgive u this time, u go n finish off ur experiment… happy fool’s day btw :D

Then we decided to fool our ‘grad colg’s frds’…. First one to come to our mind was Shibu… she is in hydrabad now n she is one person we miss like hell… oh btw mine writing ‘we-we’ isn’t a typing mistake… Ayu is there with me throughout! So as per our script, I went to a std booth n called up Shibu n said

“Yaar… Ayu had a fight with her parents n she is crying non-stop ever since morning. I don’t know what to do. She is just not telling me what the problem is… I cant c her like this.. I will also start crying if I c her for long like this. What do I do?”

Shibu - Oh! Please u don’t start crying now… where is she? Give her the phone… I will talk to her.

Me – she is in the class. I came to an std booth to call u coz I wasn’t getting the network from my mobile (to make it sound like a real-serious matter)

Shibu – u go back to the class, I will call her up. (hanged up)

Ayu standing right next to me said “What an actor u r!!” hee.. hee… we were both waiting for her to call, n she didn’t for nearly 30 min. could she had guessed that we r fooling her? how can that be? I gave my best shot. Then came a sms in Ayu’s cell, ‘wasn’t getting ur network so messaging. Shruti told me u r crying. What happened yaar… etc. etc.’ so finally she too was fooled! Ayu called her up n when she told her that she was fooled, Shibu said “pagal ho kya? Am not well!!!” we didn’t take that ‘not-well’ so seriously… till yday when she informed that she is down with chicken pox. We genuinely apologized for our stupidity but she was quick to say that she didn’t mind it at-all.

Next was an ‘un-successful’ attempt to fool Neha. We thought we will talk on behalf of our earlier college, Sri Venkateswara, n as per our plan we wanted to make her stand responsible for some manipulation in the funds of the fest of the year 2008 for which she was the President. Ayu said she will call, n talk through a hanky (like kidnappers do in movies). But when Ayu called up n said “Miss. Neha Sengupta?” she replied “Haan.. Miss. Ayushi.. what is it?”…. oh god! It was hilarious..!!!

Ofcourse there were a few successful n unsuccessful pranks I played on my net frds too… successful one was when I told a frd that my dad has decided to disconnect the internet connection at home coz of my exams… unsuccessful one was when I told my frd that one of his frd has rejected my frdship request in orkut n am damn angry on that…! But whatever, that was a day which I enjoyed through-n-through… !!! A lovely start of a lovely month I guess….

Now my exams wil be starting on 11^th – second internals. Then got practical labs n computer exams scheduled on 13, 15, 16 n 21^st. N then final theory papers on 30^th, 6^th n 12^th May….

So am off blogger till 12^th May… I promise to check out all pending posts after I come back. Cya people!! Sure gonna miss this!

Tug Of War

2009-03-31T23:27:00.005+05:30

Am a peace loving person, though very impulsive but if given a choice I would always settle for the ‘white flag’ rather than the ‘red’ one…. but then which war am talking about? Well this is about the tug-off war between the brain n the heart which leaves ‘the body’ in the middle of a cross road.

Talking about my brainy brain first, this one is disciplined, high-profiled, matured, meticulous, studious, strict, demanding, authoritative, critical… in short its like a high-school principal who is ‘ever a terror’. This one makes me more n more nerdy n never allows me to get distracted. If not for it, I would never have dared to dream of doing a PhD…. n I know till the time, its working properly, I can finish off with PhD quite easily. Till about 3 or 4 years ago, I was ruled through-n-through by this commander n I used to be addressed as a ‘perfect computer’ by a close buddy…. well yeah…. a computer…. mechanical with no heart.

My dear darling heart… yes it existed with me without high-lighting its presence for nearly 16 years of its birth. Its not that I was a heart-less creature in childhood, but then as I said, the hearty part never was high-lighted. I never used to show that I care… even to my parents n my bro… I used to lend a helping hand behind the screens, probably was shy to be appreciated or probably my brain told me not to ‘show off’…. But whatever, this dear little part is damn naughty when comes to action, believe me! Its caring, sensitive, ever-giving, sweet, shy, delicate, selfless n immature. It makes me do a lot of things which r unethical n r never approved by my brain. But still it’s a pleasure doing such things… after all the brain is there to clean up the mess later… hee… hee….

Again stuck up in a cross-road thinking of which side to go, am trying to find my answers in this post. Brain knows the heart is leading to the wrong way, but then who is gonna explain this to the dear hearty! Ofcourse the context here is the “matter of hearts” but since I have had a lot of talking on this topic, am not yet again gonna bring it back here. Lets talk about it on a broader context now. Say for example, once me n my friend Ayushi confessed to each other that we want to go to a disc. 90% of those reading this might feel “so, whats the big deal?”… yeah its no big deal, but for us this is probably the biggest deal ever. We would need to deal our parents belief on us for a few moments of fun… doesn’t it sound a big deal now? But this was the brain’s version, the heart says “Oh! Common… don’t give me that shit! They might never know…..”

Once in a healthy discussion on a very “Hush! Hush! Topic” with Neha, she said according to her an act is wrong if it harms others… else its not wrong. I felt very happy, felt like all my problems r sorted off… but then what about those things which shows their side-effect very late. Say for example, my going to a disc probably wont harm anyone, n if I act smart, my parents will probably never know… but what about the guilt hanging on in my mind with me forever? Wont that make me more impulsive n then I might pour the anger on someone n end up souring out my relationship…. wont that be counted as harming someone?

I don’t say brain is always right… as far as mine is concern, if I let my decisions to it, then I wont move out of my study room at-all. I wouldn’t have had friends…. no social life … n there might be nothing left for me to cherish n smile about. But then one very good thing about my brain is that, even if varied thoughts keep flashing in it @ 15000 per second, still when I sit to study surrendering myself to this one single organ, it makes sure that I do only that n that too with full concentration. Am always glad n very proud of this that whatever tensions n disappointments may come, with my brain full on, I can always concentrate on my studies.

Like Shibu says, I can talk on n on with relevance forgotten, but still I would like to put up an incident which happened today with the hope that somehow I will relate it to the topic. I boarded a damn crowded bus while coming back home from college, where I somehow pushed my way to a seat where two ‘uncles’ were sitting. I requested the one nearer to me to please hold my bag for me… my bag… well my school bags were much lighter n today it was “fully loaded” with books. But it was sweet of that uncle to agree to my request without a fuss. There my ‘luggage’ landed on his lap. After say about 5 min, the world famous ‘airtel ringtone’ was heard. This uncle of mine, with great efforts moved my bag an inch to take out his mobile n U know what? It wasn’t his which was ringing… my heart shouted “Poppatt” (a phrase we use in college to address ppl stuck in such embarrassing situations) Before I could giggle n share the joke with Ayu in full blown volume, my stupid stupid brain reminded me of my junior lessons “Never make fun of people”!!! err!! My brain deprived me of a hilarious moment….

I guess its high time I start winding up n get to a conclusion. But since I wrote this in 9 installments coz of lack of time, let me overview the whole thing quickly before drawing any conclusions. Well I understood that both my brain n heart together describe what ‘I am’ as a person n they both have their own sweet place in my life. There doesn’t exist a question of which one is important as they both are, in their respective places. But then, my question is still unanswered. What to do in a situation, where the brainy n the hearty part give damn contradictory solutions? As far as I understood, I wil say it is safe to go in the brainy route coz its sure gonna be harmless… to others… n in a long run, to oneself too. Though am not very sure of what am saying, an hurt heart will not be a good deal either, but then if I have to chose one, then I still feel ‘its safe’ to follow the brain.

25 Things abt me......

2009-03-21T08:17:00.003+05:30

Tagged yet again! This time by sorcerer “http://evilsfury.blogspot.com"

Well the tag asks me to write 25 things about myself… with my level best to justify the tag, here I begin

# 1 .The Introduction - 10 days after my birth on 27^th August 1988, I was named Sukanya (A Sanskrit word, meaning Good girl) on my naming ceremony by my mother coz my dad needed more days to come up with a good name… that name was the result of a temporary agreement btw my parents… n once my dad settled with my name, the earlier one was rejected. Lolzz… that name doesn’t get used by me, except during my visits to temple.

# 2.Childhood dream – Till in School, I wanted to be a veterinary doctor. But when I reached 12^th n was preparing to give the entrance exam, my dad rejected my decision. I didn’t give up so easily, there used to be daily dramas those days but then I finally gave up. Didn’t seem to have had a choice. But what has happened has happened… whats the use in scratching the healed wound again.

# 3.A person I can’t live without - My brother! The one and only person in the world whom I hate like hell n love like hell! I can’t imagine a day without him… a dear darling who fights with me when I want him to, who pampers me when I want him to n who loves me more than he loves himself! Love u bro!

# 4.My Holiday destinations – I have traveled intensively through out the country in the 20 years of my being on planet earth. Excluding the union-territories, there are a few states that I have never been to n they r JK, Himachal, MP, Orissa, Bihar n West Bengal … other than these I have been to all the places in India… whats the use of my dad working in Railways if not even that… hee.. hee…

# 5.Furture Planning – well… as far as I have planned, I will finish off with my Master’s degree by next year n will be appearing for ‘NET’ exam which will qualify me for PHD degree. Once I crack that, I can start off with my PHD n after working for 1 or 2 yrs forming the base of my thesis, I can then start working as a lecturer n do PHD as a part-time which will enable me to get the Doctorate degree by 2016 at max! Once that’s done… life will be so easy… I might start off a dance n music school at the later phase of my life… if I get hand on a ‘richy rich’ n he agrees to sponsor me :D

# 6.Happiest moment – As of now… hmm… hmmm…. Yeah ought to be last year’s Rakhi, when my brother gifted me a Gold ring that he bought from his salary… it brought tears to my eyes n since that day till today, I never took it off from my finger :)

# 7,Embarrassing moment – Okk… this one happened in my college fest in 2006. I was the VP of my dept fest… on the D-Day, everything was well prepared… I reached college very early that day to monitor each n everything myself. As far as my eyes went, things were perfect. The function was to begin with our short n sweet princi’s speech n he was to invite the chief-guest for the ‘lamp lighting’ ceremony. It so happened that when he called out for that, with our dept President behind him with the lighted candle… our princi yelled out seeing the lamp’s wick a used one. Err!!! That moment was like err!!!! We had brought 2 packets of new wicks that day but forgot to change that with the old once. That was surely not the way I had wanted the fest to begin. It was damn embarrassing with all the department’s HOD n other teachers present in the hall… n later on when proff’s came advising us to take care not to repeat such mistakes again, it was still more embarrassing.

# 8.My Biggest Achievement – The transition from school to college, wasn’t easy for me. I still don’t know where I went wrong but I scored very badly in my 1^st year. I had got 74% while most of the class was in the 80’s range. Thought I was disappointed with my performance, I didn’t lose heart thanks to the encouragement I got from my family n friends. After putting a hell lot of efforts in 2^nd yr… seriously, I worked damn hard, I scored 85% in 2^nd yr… 11% improvement is sure a BIG DEAL. But still I hadn’t reached 80% as agg… so I worked harder n ended up scoring 90% in my 3^rd yr..!! 74 to 90… isn’t it a big achievement???

# 9.Best time of the day – Evening 5-6… when I go for a walk in Lodhi Gardens… no I don’t run or walk to burn my fabs… rather I walk slower than I normally do coz I go to the gardens to spend some time with myself. It feels like heavens… walking slowly on the wet grass bare foot with my ear-phone playing my favorite tracks in my ears… ! This is not the usual of new-year resolutions, which starts off well but ends in its first week of formation. Rather it didn’t start off at all in the first month but it’s a routine now :)

# 10.My idea of a perfect Sunday – No early morning alarm… whenever I get up, a hot cup of coffee with newspaper… then maybe a face-pack, manicure, pedicure session… if winters then a really hoooooot water bath n if summers, damnnn cold water baths… cucumber n cheese sandwich with another cup of coffee… then perhaps 3-4 hours online chatting leisurely with my friends… maybe chole bature or similar stuff for lunch… a good n peaceful afternoon nap… a gol-gappa session with my family in a chat-stall… a good evening walk… back home, ludo match… n then winding up with Manchurian n chowmine, made by me…. !!! Gosh!! Wat a perfect idea!

# 11.My kindda music – Soft… melodious n meaningful. I love Kishore Kumar’s n Rahman’s composition… all time fav being ‘Bombay Theme’… I adore the Pakistani Band ‘Fuzon’.

# 12.My friendlist – Am proud to say that I have people who will stand by me whenever I call them. Right from a bunch of my school friends to college mates to Net-friends… Probably the one good thing I have learnt well from life is how to make friends.

# 13.A proud moment – Without a second thought, it was when I was appointed the ‘Head Girl’ of the school… it was a moment! I was on cloud 9 that day!!!

# 14.My favorite picture … this one I have in my mobile as background n screen saver.

# 15.My present ring-tone – For my family its d tamil version of “Dil hai chota sa”,Roja; For a few college friends its “Dhoom 2-title track”; in general its “Marjawa”,Fasion; N for a few others its “Jane tu mera kya hai”,Jane tu ya jane na.

# 16.My fav book – As of now there isn’t any, but there was a time when I used to go crazy over Nancy Drew… I had made a separate shelf for that book in my library… have read the complete series.

# 17.Weirdest thing I have done – I will say it will be my participation in the Miss. Fresher’s contest in M.Sc. first year… I was shocked to find myself doing a ramp walk in front of 500 people!

# 18.My inspiration – Mom! Anytime! I wish I can be like her one day… she is dynamic!

# 19.A thing to share – I fast every Thursday… started off as fun following a proverb ‘Fast for Rich, Feast for Poor’… I tht I come under the Rich category in that context. Very soon it became a routine n now it doesn’t seem to be any Big Deal!

# 20.Best Passtimes – These days… Blogging!

# 21.One regret – I have missed out lot of fun element in my life so far coz basically am a serious person. Am trying to take things lightly so that I don’t go on missing further…

# 22.Secret Desire – Hush! Hush!! It’s a secret… I wanna grow up with Jet-Speed… so that am not treated as a kid by anyone!

# 23.Most cherished moment of my life – My Didi’s marriage… I enjoyed it like she herself wouldn’t have… I got 5 dresses for myself for that occasion n I was there everywhere during the function.

# 24.My fav post on my blog… ‘thanksgiving’ least expected myself to write that!

# 25.Hurreeey!! I reached the end. A bad habit - I never listen to anyone… in the sense that I hear everyone but never listens!!! I do just what I have decided and anybody asking me not to do that always gets disappointed. Let that be my parents… teachers… or friends!

With that I have come to an end of this lovely journey! It took a hell lot of time, Believe me! But I guess its worth it… so now I need to tag a few ppl…

Neha – there u go girl! Try putting up things which I don’t know. Would be fun reading…. http://idontlykblogging.blogspot.com

Karthick – He posted a pending tag recently much similar to this… do get a sneak-peak, he has written abt me too ... hee... hee... http://karthickspeaks.blogspot.com

I guess all others r already tagged, so no point tagging them again….

Anybody interested can take it up… just put up ur link in the comments so that I can peep in :)

ThE OtheR GendeR !

2009-03-15T13:05:00.004+05:30

Ahem.. ahem… certainly not a very fascinating topic to talk on, but yeah worth blogging about!

From the boy-girl fights in primary… to competitions in middle school… to hating each other in high school till finally befriending them in senior secondary, the journey was damn exciting and full of ups n downs… but the worst part of the whole experience is that it came to an end abruptly. It would have been lovely if the last phase could have lasted for long… but then the ‘farewell day’ of the school came n before I could realize anything, things came to an end! Let me take u down the memory lane… to peep into some of the precious pages of my diary….. ;)

There wasn’t a single day in my 5th grade when I (Preeti supporting me) and Arun (with Sreenath’s support) did not fight… Believe me, we used to fight like cats n dogs.. rather cats n dogs will fight more humanly than we used to do! One of the reason we used to fight for was coz we shared the same favorite song those days.. dil deewana, Pardes.. imagine we used to fight calling each other as copy-cat. I remember once me and my friends decided to name all the boys in the class. None of them were nameless.. so as to mention.. but we kinda wanted to show our innovations. We wrote down their new names in front of their old names on a paper n tried memorizing it. As a return gift, when the boys did the same… being girls, we all started crying n shouting n at-last our Hindi teacher got us sorted out by asking us to write the huge chapter of ‘tennali raman’ 10 times!!!! I am just wondering, who won? Hee… hee.. :)

When we girls had hurted their ego’s enough by always getting the top ranks, there came a challenge to me… but then we both ended up sharing the first place… n with that, the challenger gave up. Right after finishing off with the primary classes, this war of who is superior started, in all the possible spheres… right from quiz competitions… to recitation competitions… to debates to what not!! There wasn’t a consistent winner although, but the ups n downs kept the spirit up. Any one girl’s victory was as if the whole community has won and ofcourse a boy’s victory used to be hyped up… like all rare occasions ;)

By the time we reached 9th class, things had completely changed. They were not so interested in such silly competitions or fights… their ‘interests’ were changing… n it was becoming impossible for us to keep in-pace with them. There wasn’t a single girl in the class who was comfortable with ‘the other gender’ that time. These boys were really growing up n on-course were becoming pretty indecent. Am kindda searching for a comparatively decent incident to put in here… u c considering my reputation, I don’t think it will be wise to high-light a lot of incidents…

I had this habit of putting up a proverb on the black board every morning. It was such an usual day when I choose to write the proverb ‘face is the index of mind’… unfortunate decision… but I wrote that. It was then when Pramod read it n asked me to “replace ‘a’ by ‘u’ n ‘e’ by ‘k’”. The duffer as I was, asked him to explain me the meaning. There came Ashok for my rescue… most probably as a gratitude for my tying him rakhi since 6th class… he asked me not to listen to Pramod n to write whatever I want to. But like a stubborn, I was stuck to know the meaning, proving the proverb “ignorance is divine” wrong!!! When I was clear that they r not gonna explain, I went straight to my English teacher to know the meaning… incidentally she was my class teacher. Her reaction n expression would have made a pic… if only I had a camera with me… she said “Shruti, it’s a bad word!” n I turned pale… I seriously didn’t had a hint that it could be a ‘bad-word’. Poor Pramod, my class teacher sent a word to his parents… coz of my dufferness…!!!

Another one… our English teacher once asked us to dramatize a chapter in our text. Since there wasn’t much ‘friendship’ between boys n girls in the class, the boys of my class decided to perform one first. They decided on the chapter “Woman in platform no.6” .. something like that… In the script, the lady was wearing a white sari. Pramod was characterized as that lady n he got his father’s dhoti to put on as a sari… there was a scene in the text where this lady lends money to someone… when that scene came in the play, Pramod slipped his hands inside the sari under the left shoulder to take out his purse… n there went a LOUD “hoooooooooooooo” from the girls side n my teacher just dropped her face down. Krishna was quick to say “shirt ka pocket vaheen hai”… err!!! Whatever!! Disgusting!!! A later though made us thank god that he didn’t keep his purse in his pant pocket n put his hands under the saree to get the money!!

This was nothing, there used to be some incident or other every second day… n these things spread like forest fire!! Every girl had something or the other to narrate n these boys seemed so insensitive those days!! There was a time when I insisted my parents to change my school coz I though I simply cant pull on with this class… but then the situation was not better in any other school… I know coz of the same discussions in tuitions n as a shock I came to know that girl’s schools weren’t any better… it was then when I thought maybe it wasn’t the gender, but the age…! I remember once when it was really “TOO” much for us to tolerate, one day Rajini stood up in the class and in-front of everyone complained to her class teacher. Kudos to her courage!!! We all congratulated her for her act. That was indeed brave! Poor boys… maybe for the first time, they felt sorry.

Thanks to the out-station trip we went to in 11th class, the class united as one. These boys behaved very responsibly n the gender barrier was reducing… I took more time as compared to my other friends. I took one more year to actually befriend them n Ajay was most probably the first boy with whom I spend a lot of time… during nainetal trip… without getting irritated! Trip reminded me of a hilarious incident… we were just roaming about in the Mt.Abu markets when most of us got tired n headed for our bus. Suddenly from somewhere Krishna came shouting “uda liya… uda liya…” proudly showing off the keychain he had invisibleised (stolen)… as if its his oscar lady… hee hee… when from suddenly nowhere came this hefty uncle to catch hold of his ears… lol…. Poor thing he had to go n return it n even say sorry!!! Lol… we were all rolling down in the bus not able to control the laughter…!!!

The last year in school was seriously amazing with all of us understanding what the word “class” means… we all started asking for free periods together… each birthday was a celebration… the other gender wasn’t a foe but was a friend! Proverbs written on the black board were still changing say for example “united we stand, divided we fall” changed to “united we pass, divided we fail, dono nahi toh compartment” hee.. hee… no wonder farewell was with such a heavy heart!! If they were the same as they were in 9th class, farewell would have been a celebration, but all of us felt bad during the farewell n wished we had spend more time with each other!!

Almost all of those up there in the picture will most probably start working by the year end…. Its gonna be a fancy watching these “Cool Dudes” working as professionals… n if I let my imaginative horses fly, it will be fancier to see them parenting a little angel ;)

Good Luck Guys!!!!